NarutoPuberty and Ninja Stuff
by Niko Si Mamu
Summary: As Akatsuki attack Sasuke deals with his finally developing hormones and starts to realise how to repopulate his clan. While Madara does things with Tsunade that shouldn't happen. Ever.
1. Chapter 1

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 1: Akatsuki Attack Plans

He just appeared one day at the front gate of the village. He said he'd been sent by the Land of Lightning which was shown by his headband, thought they'd never thought to ask him why, but there always seemed to be a hidden meaning behind him. Something that didn't seem quite right. About Zee Rikaado.

Zee Rikaado had dark skin and incredibly light blue eyes. His had black dreadlocks going down to his shoulders. He dressed like a hippie in an orange gown with blue jeans, sandals and a green t-shirt.

Zee walked down the roads of the land of fire, not paying any attention to the little things like shop names, shop owners and the rocks on the road or the people at the shops. He only payed attention to the mission at hand. It wasn't the mission he'd been sent to do. No, this was a mission he knew would benefit a friend of his.

The spa was only a few metres away, Zee going into a dark, person less alley where he changed into a woman. Then he left the alley and entered the spa. Heading for the woman's changing rooms.

He'd heard Sakura tell Naruto about how Sakura and Lady Tsunade went to the spa every Saturday (today) at four o'clock. Naruto too dumb to think about what he knew and how he could use his pubic desires to his advantage with this knowledge.

But Zee did.

It was a minute to four and Zee entered the changing room, knowing Sakura and Tsunade would be entering any time now.

There were no cubicles just open space with benches so everyone could see each other. Much to Zee's liking. He'd found this out before when he'd been to the changing room. Though beforehand he'd just been for himself. This time it was for a friend. And himself.

Finally Sakura and Tsunade entered. Zee had made sure he hadn't started changing until precisely when Sakura and Tsunade entered. So as the two entered Zee started to change slowly, making sure to position himself to the bench where the two normally changed.

When going to the spa you take off all your clothes then take a towel provided on a rack next to some clothes lockers.

As Sakura and Tsunade changed Zee made sure he kept a close eye on them without letting loose he was watching them. When it finally came down for the two to reveal their breasts Zee payed especially close attention.

'_Dang that Tsunade has a nice FF rack on her. How old is she again?_' Zee thought to himself '_and that Sakura had a still developing D rack. Bet she's gonna look like her sensei the sexy Lady Tsunade._'

And Zee's thoughts were answered by the two then.

"Lady Tsunade," Sakura began.

"Yes Sakura?" Tsunade replied.

"Do you think I'll get amazing breasts like yours?" Sakura asked.

"Probably seen as you're growing the same way I did" Tsunade replied with a wink.

Sakura silently smirked. Now if only someone would tell Sasuke that...then he might come running to her.

Zee had brought a small hand size camera with no 'snap' sounds and silently took a picture of the two naked woman. Also of himself as he'd made sure to make his own breasts large. How else was he going to entertain himself while he waited for the two?

Zee had received the information needed, now to tell his friend, and show the pictures, the next time he saw him. Which was sooner than expected.

Zee was lying asleep in his bed at a hotel. A pale hand shook his broad shoulders, which resulted in Zee flinging the hand away in disturbed flap.

"Hey, what'cha doin' to me man?"Zee said in a sleepy voice as he let out a mighty yawn.

"Time for your mission to take place" a man in an orange mask with three black tomoes on it around a black dot and four rings. The mask covering his entire head.

"Yo Mads, how Sasuk(pronounced _Susk_)?" Zee asked still in a dazed voice.

"He's good. Definitely getting the hand the hand of his eternal Mangekyou Sharingan" Madara replied.

"I'm glad, I'm glad" Zee replied coolly.

"Now, enough small talk" Madara said "you must implant an unnamed letter in the hokage's post box telling of how Akatsuki are about to attack the village. They will probably send ninjas out into the forest to combat us. But we're going to attack the ninjas not the village as Naruto will probably be with them and with less ninjas around it'll be easier to get the nine tails"

Zee nodded.

Madara slowly vanished via teleportation and left Zee to his assignment.

Zee jumped to his desk, fumbling around for a piece of paper. When he finally found some he carried on fumbling around. This time looking for a pen. When he found the pen he wrote the letter.

_Dear leaf village,_

_My sources have found out that Akatsuki are planning an attack on your village in three days time._

_You should prepare some of your best ninja and plant them n the forest outside the village to counteract the incoming ninjas._

_Yours secretly,_

_ a friend._

Zee then sealed the letter in an envelope and put the letter in Tsunade's post box. Finding her on her desk passed out. Zee contemplated fondling her breasts while she was passed out but decided against it as she may wake up and questions would be asked. Annoying questions.

Zee then left and returned to the hotel to try and get back his beauty sleep. But he only got two hours more and was very tired in the morning.

That morning Tsunade found the letter in front of her as she awoke with a slight hangover.

"I have got to lay of the beer" she said to herself.

Tsunade opened the envelope and pulled out the letter then read it. She slammed the letter on the table and thought to herself:  
'_Time to prepare a team_' not thinking to why the person was a secret? Who was the source? Is it a trap?

The members assembled for the team were Kakashi, Yamato, Naruto, Sakura, Zee, Sai and Rock Lee. They called themselves Team combat-Akatsuki.

As the leaf village readied themselves and combat-Akatsuki left for the forest Akatsuki prepared.

Akatsuki now consisted of Madara, Zetsu, Sasuke, Juugo, Suigetsu, Zee and Pennii Neko from the land of wind. Karin was still being tortured by Ibiki Morino even after seven months. Girl just wouldn't break.

"Suigetsu-dobe, get your fat ass here right this minute!" Sasuke shouted through the halls.

Sasuke still had raven black hair, that spiked up at the back and covered his forehead in the front, and would have onyx eyes if it weren't for the fact he now had the Sharingan in his eyes permanently. He wore the new look Akatsuki robe his team, Taka, had formerly been sporting that had became the new official Akatsuki robes after the deaths of the original three members: Yahiko, Nagato and Konan.

"I'm coming baka, I'm coming!" Suigetsu cried out from his dorm as he put on his akatsuki robe then put his sword on his back. Next rushing down the stairs to greet Sasuke.

"I'm ready!" Suigetsu said to Sasuke in a childish manner.

Suigetsu looked much the same as before with his silvery white hair, that covered his forehead and went down to the end of his neck, and purple eyes. He also sporting the new Akatsuki robes. The only difference from before was his sword.

When Kisame died Zetsu brought back the sword and gave it to Suigetsu to replace his former sword, Zabuza's, that had broken. Suigetsu had bulked up slightly so that he could carry the sword, _Samedha_.

"Where's Juugo? He's normally ready by now" Suigetsu asked.

"He's gone to the toilet" Sasuke stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh" Suigetsu muttered.

The tow waited for a few minutes until Juugo entered the hallway with them, looking down upon them as he was taller than them. Juugo smiled at the two.

"Took you long enough" Suigetsu muttered of which Juugo replied with a questionable look on his face.

Juugo was as tall as ever with the same spiky orange hair and orange eyes, over the past few months he'd gained more control over the curse seal and no longer lashed out with anger. Madara having sealed the cursed seal so that only Juugo chooses when to use it.

"So we gonna rescue that bitch, Karin?" Suigetsu asked.

"No" Sasuke replied simply with a cold voice.

"We gonna meet back up with Zee?"

"Yes" this time without the cold voice.

"Good" Suigetsu replied and the conversation ended as they were joined by Madara Uchiha, of whom had just teleported to join them.

"Pennii is going into the village to check Naruto isn't in the village and our plan hasn't worked. She's going as they don't know about her yet" Madara told them.

Sasuke nodded and asked his ancestor "are you going to try and get a Byakugan?"

"Maybe," Madara replied "If there's time."

The four left the Akatsuki base and walked into a teleportation into the forest that the leaf village ninjas. Where, unknowing, there would be two missions taking place for Sasuke.


	2. Chapter 2

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 2: Zee Shows a Dirty Picture to Sasuke!

"Okay team," Kakashi began, "we're going to go into a formation of 2-2-2-1. The first two to combat Akatsuki first will be Zee and Rock Lee, then Sai and Yamato, next will be Naruto and I and at the back will be Sakura so we have our healer unwounded and so that by the time they reach her they'll be tired and she'll only have to use her super strength."

"RIGHT!" they all said at the same time(what's the word?).

The team went into their different positions ready to combat their oncoming enemies. Zee and Rock Lee readying at the front.

"Okay Taka, you will take down the teams, Zetsu listened in on their plan so that's how we know, That's basically Zetsu's job in the plan. Get the enemies plans. Anyways. Taka you take down the first two units and Kakashi, Sasuke you can take the girl on your own at the end. I'll deal with the nine tails" Madara told the Akatsuki.

"The nine tails has a name Madara" Sasuke said to his ancestor.

"Yes. But we don't care about the boy, only what's inside him."

"Ah."

"Okay Taka, off you go now."

Zee saw the Akatsuki in the trees but did not alert Rock Lee. Instead he remained still like he was looking out for the 'opponents.'

"I heard something in the tree Zee!" Rock Lee said. His looks having not changed a bit.

"Maybe it was just a squirrel" Zee said.

"No, it was too loud."

"Then the Akatsuki must've arrived" Zee said dramatically.

"Let's kick some bad guy butt!" Rock Lee shouted in his 'youthful way(is it me or is Gai a bit of paedophile? All that youthful business).'

A sweat drop appeared on the back of Zee's head as he thought about the millions of kids fighting cartoons Rock Lee must've watched to think it was okay to say something like that in real life.

"Oh boy, please kill me Sasuke so I don't have to stay with bush brows" Zee muttered to himself.

In a flash of light a huge sword crashed down, conveniently, right by Zee. Zee looked up to the holder of the sword to see Suigetsu above him.

"How's it goin' Suig (pronounced _Soog_)?" Zee said to his Akatsuki bud.

"Ssshh," Suigetsu whispered to Zee, "we're not ready to blow your cover yet, we've got to make a fight scene between us look real ."

"So we should just use Taijutsu?" Zee asked as he threw a clenched fist at Suigetsu.

"I suppose, but we gotta make it look as convincing as possible" Suigetsu replied as he blocked the punch.

"Okey dokey" Zee replied as he jumped back to avoid the swing of Suigetsu's sword.

Juugo and Sasuke took on Rock Lee and Lee was already looking overwhelmed and outclassed. Juugo mostly throwing the punches while Sasuke would block Lee's attempts of combat. Sasuke didn't feel like wasting any chakra till they met Kakashi and Naruto.

As Rock Lee was defeated after a heavy punch from Juugo. Suigetsu and Zee stopped fighting and walked over to Sasuke Juugo.

"Sasuke, I've got something for you" Zee said with a wide smirk.

"What could you possibly have for me?" Sasuke questioned.

"A picture of two naked woman. Well many pictures but there's only one I really want to show you" Zee told him.

Suigetsu's face lit up as he raced to Zee shouting "Le' me see, Le' me see!"

"Okay everyone crowd around, I'll make the cameras pictures expand on that tree so we can see it bigger and better" Zee said as the first picture appeared on the tree. All male eyes turning to it, including Rock Lee who felt getting up and fighting would mean he wouldn't be able to see the photos, and he was greatly hoping Sakura would be there.

There were many naked pictures from Zee's one month stay- he needed something to do in that boring village until he came to the two last pictures. The first picture came on the tree was a picture of Zee's girl form.

"How'd you get so close to that babe?" Suigetsu asked.

"That's my disguise so I could get in" Zee replied.

"Oh" Suigetsu said as the realisation dawned up on him that he had called Zee a babe "Urgh."

"Now Sasuke here is the picture for you" Zee said as the picture on the tree changed to Tsunade and Sakura.

"Whoa!" All of Taka, Zee and Rock Lee said

"That blonde woman has well big tits!" Suigetsu said "Who is she?"

"The fifth hokage, Lady Tsunade. And she's fifty-three" Zee replied.

"I would be disgusted if I wasn't so intrigued by her body" Suigetsu replied.

"Sakura" Rock Lee whispered to himself as he saw the girl of his dreams totally naked.

"Why are you showing the hokage and my former teammate, Sakura?" Sasuke asked, his eyes struggling to know which one to look at.

"She's your former teammate? Dang, did you do her?" Suigetsu asked.

"No, we were like thirteen idiot!" Sasuke said slapping Suigetsu round the head.

"So, doesn't stop you doing her" Suigetsu muttered to himself.

"Anyway, Sasuke, I overheard the two and Sakura asked if she'd get tit like the hokage's!" Zee said.

"So, what did she say?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes, the hokage said yes!" Zee replied as three young men became very, very aroused.

"And why are you telling Sasuke about that?" Suigetsu asked.

"Because Sakura has a massive crush on Sasuke!" Zee cried.

"You lucky bastard Sasuke! You have got to re-build your clan with her!" Suigetsu laughed, slapping Sasuke round the back, Sasuke's mind so enticed by the picture he fell to the ground.

Sasuke saw a wide eyed, bonerfied, Rock Lee on the ground to which Sasuke raised an eyebrow before saying:

"Um' what are you doing Lee?" Sasuke asked.

"Being in love" Sasuke replied.

"I see" Sasuke said, before smacking Rock Lee's head to the ground resulting in a knocked our Rock Lee.

One more person was watching the _presentation_. His name was Madara Uchiha.

"Fifty-three you say, right up my alley" Madara said to himself with a wide smirk.

As the night grew old and the team combat-Akatsuki got ready for bed, Naruto came to a sudden realisation. Sakura would also be changing.

"Um, Kakashi-senpai," Naruto began "I just need to go to the toilet, I'll be back later but don't wait up for me."

"Wasn't gonna anyway but alright Naruto, see ya in the morning" Kakashi said as he settled into his sleeping bag with a _good _book to help him get to sleep.

Naruto crept through the trees until he saw Sakura's tent. Then he jumped down silently and opened Sakura's tent door slightly so he could peak in. He saw Sakura changing, all her clothes were off bar her underwear, Naruto just looked and looked and looked and just couldn't blink. When she put on a night gown Naruto decided to leave. As he backed away he stepped on a branch. And Sakura heard.

She jumped out of her tent, on to Naruto. Naruto was knocked down, she sat on him to keep him down.

"NARUTO?" she screamed with an anger mark on her forehead.

"Ye-Yes Sakura?" Naruto asked as calmly as possible.

"Were you just peaking into my tent?" she demanded.

"Well um the funny thing about that is-" Naruto began.

"Yes or No Naruto, Yes or No."

"Yes, Yes, Yes okay! Just don't hit me please!"

"Too late!" Sakura cried as she smacked Naruto round the head.

She got up off him and dragged him back to Kakashi. She threw Naruto into Kakashi's tent, Naruto landing on Kakashi, sending Kakashi's book flying into Sakura's leg.

"He was looking at me change!" Sakura shouted, "he spent too much time with that pervy old sage!"

"It appears you spent too much time with Lady Tsunade with a temper like that" Kakashi muttered to himself.

"Maybe if he'd trained with you like Sasuke..." Sakura began when she saw the book at her feet and noticed the pictures o it were of naked women, "um, why does this book have pictures of naked woman?"

"Because that's what adults read" Kakashi said as his voice went all high with fear.

Sakura beat up the second perverted man in fifteen minutes. She left their tents and returned to hers, steam practically coming out of her head.

Akatsuki set up tents, Zee now joining them in his own Akatsuki robe and scarred headband. Madara still in the trees getting to sleep via the image of a naked Lady Tsunade. Most likely a smile beneath his mask.

As Taka awoke they prepared to do battle with the second platoon of Sai and Yamato. Sasuke awoke first and went into Zee's tent to retrieve Zee's camera. He wanted to look at the Tsunade and Sakura picture again.

He looked at Tsunade then Sakura over and over again.

'_Dang, if Sakura is gonna look like that then, well..._' he thought to himself when he was interrupted by Zee asking:

"Hey Sasuk (remember the preouniciation _Susk_), have you seen my camera?"

"Yeah, it's right here. I just wanted to look at the pictures" Sasuke said quietly, a blush appearing on his face.

Zee smirked and took the camera from Sasuke to see which picture he was looking at and let out a light chuckle.

"Sasuke and Sakura sitting a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, next comes a baby in a-" Zee sung until he was smacked round the head by Sasuke.

"Shut up, I don't like Sakura!" Sasuke whinged like a child accused of liking a girl.

"Then I'm having her!" Suigetsu cried.

"No!" Sasuke shouted at him.

"But I thought you didn't like Sakura?" Zee mocked.

Sasuke hadn't turned his eyes to Sharingan yet but when he gave Zee and Suigetsu a death glare the Sharingan returned.

"Sorry!" The tow said quickly, not wanting him to turn it into the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan.

"That' better" Sasuke said, this time it was him mocking.


	3. Chapter 3

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 3: Madara-bate

Taka entered the tenting ground of Sai and Yamato. The area around the tent was deserted. The only noise was that of human snoring.

"Suigetsu go check the tent" Sasuke whispered.

"Why me?" Suigetsu demanded quietly.

"'cause you've got the big sword on your back" Juugo reminded him.

"Oh yeah" Suigetsu remembered.

Suigetsu crept up to the tent and slowly opened the tent flap and was smacked round the face by the fist of Yamato. Yamato then running at the other three.

"Zee? Are they taking you prisoner?" Yamato asked.

"No. I was an Akatsuki spy all along" Zee smirked.

Yamato shot up earth from the ground which encased around the three. Sasuke watched the earth encase them then looked at Yamato. Right in the eyes. Sasuke waved at Yamato. And Yamato didn't know why but he waved back.

Sasuke was using this as a distraction while Suigetsu smacked Yamato on the head with Samedha.

"F**k yeah!" Suigetsu cried in triumph.

Sai then got out of the tent with a drawing pad when Zee did what Zee does best. Rap. Nah, I'm just kidding he doesn't rap. No, he's not like Killer Bee. That would just be sad. Zee's from the land of lightning right? So he'll be able to use lightning techniques. After all he is the son of Raikage.

Zee formed something that looked like a Chidori in his hand but it wasn't. It was just pure lightning made from the electrical impulses flowing through his nerves(biology really does pay off). He called it '1,000 beat boxers' as it sounded slightly like beat boxers and when he was younger his uncle made him beat box to his raps. He joined Akatsuki because of child abuse like this. No seriously. He did.

Zee ran at Sai while Sai drew. Sai putting too much detail in his picture to summon it quick enough(teh, artists. Oh wait I'm an artist). Suigetsu put his sword out of which Zee jumped off to cover more distance and land on to Sai. The lightning impulses went through Sai's mouth and through his body. Sending a electric shock through him as he dropped his art pad.

"Bam bitch. Didn't know it was possible for there to be an even paler Caucasian than Sasuke but you are" Zee shouted at Sai's unconscious body.

"Why did you both have to swear after winning your battles?" Juugo muttered.

"Because it adds to effect" Suigetsu replied.

"Sure it does" Sasuke replied.

"Urgh, why is this taking so long?" Naruto whinged.

"Naruto, we only woke up an hour ago. Be patient. I'm sure Sasuke will be here soon and you can give your regularly scheduled come back plead to him that never works and you just end up getting your ass kicked" Kakashi said as he tried to focus on reading his book

"Hey, just because when we fought when we were thirteen I went unconscious and he just got up and left doesn't mean I lost!" Naruto shouted.

"No it just means Sasuke is more resilient to battle then you are" Kakashi replied as he tried to end the conversation so he could carry on reading his book.

Naruto moaned a bit then sat on a rock and sulked much to Kakashi's liking as it could mean he could carry on with his book.

Madara crept through the streets of Konoha with his hood over his face. He was going to the Hokage's office as he'd recently seen something he liked there and wanted to see more, if you catch my drift.

He knocked on the door which was soon answered by Shizune. Of whom saw a hooded man with a stick and thought he must be a traveller here to see Lady Tsunade about his village difficulties. And she was right about the first part. Not the second. His village was fine.

"Are you here to see Lady Tsunade?" Shizune with smile.

"Yes" he replied with as much of a feeble voice as he could muster.

"Then come right this way" Shizune replied stepping from the doorway so he could enter and she led him to Lady Tsunade's office.

"Um, Lady Tsunade you have a visitor" Shizune replied.

"Where are they from?"

"Um, I'm not sure" Shizune said, then turning to Madara once more, "Where are you from?"

"Amegakure" he replied. Telling the truth.

"He says he's from Amegakure" Shizune told Tsunade.

"What does he want? That's where Akatsuki is" Tsunade told Shizune.

"What do you want?" Shizune asked Madara.

"I'm a former war victim from Konoha only just managing to return" Madara replied. Only telling the half the truth as he was returning to Konoha.

"Well then come on in" Tsunade replied.

Shizune left as Madara entered and stepped in front of Tsunade's desk. Tsunade pointed to the chair in front and made a sign as if saying 'sit down, sit down' and so Madara did.

"I'm sorry but what did you say your name was?" Tsunade asked.

"I didn't It's Izuna, Izuna Gunbai(his brother Izuna, his stick thing, Gunbai)" Madara replied.

"Oh well it's a pleasure to meet you Gunbai-san-"

"Please, call me Izuna" Madara replied, trying to seem friendly.

"Oh, okay. Well Izuna, it's a pleasure to have you return, why did you come here?" Tsunade asked.

"Oh just to meet the new hokage, and oh how beautiful she is, and to catch up on what I've missed. Would you like to go out, maybe get a drink...?"

"Yes, yes, I'd like that. Shall we go?" Tsunade said grabbing that green top she wears.

Madara and Tsunade leaving, Madara feeling like he'd forgot something...

"Sasuke why aren't we going for the next group?" Suigetsu moaned.

"We're waiting for Madara" Sasuke replied plainly.

"Dang it! What could be taking so long? Is he off with a woman? No, he's too old and no woman would want an evil bad guy who will probably kill them. Is he asleep in the trees? Maybe as he is old. What else could be doing?" Suigetsu contemplated angrily.

"Just shut up and be patient" Sasuke said, "God you're almost as bad as Naruto was."

"Speaking of your old team," Suigetsu said, his voice changing with a perverted smirk "who's better? Karin or Sakura, presently?"

Sasuke's face went all red and his eye started to quiver "Shut the f**k up Suigetsu if you want to live!" Sasuke shouted as his eyes changed into his eternal Mangekyou Sharingan(don't ask me what it looks like, it hasn't been revealed yet. A fusion of Sasuke and Itachi's probably).

Suigetsu voice changed to a scared quiver as he fell to the floor "Sorry, sorry, sorry, don't kill me. I'm not an annoying bitch like Karin."

"Wait how'd you find out about me asking Sakura to kill Karin" Sasuke asked as his eyes changed back.

"Sometimes Karin writes" Suigetsu replied as he got up as Sasuke had changed his eyes.

"Okay" Sasuke said, unsure how to react so he just carried on waiting for Madara.

Tsunade was getting drunker and drunker much to Madara's liking. When Madara felt she was at a stage that if she drunk anymore she'd puke he said to her:

"May I see where the Lady of the village lives? Every other villager knows and I am now also one" Madara asked, his eyes mostly focusing upon Tsunade's breasts.

"Sure" Tsunade said in a drunken slur.

She led Madara through the streets back to her house and boy was it a big house. Much bigger than the Mizukage's he used to live in. They entered. She showed him round the house, Madara giving the occasional "Ah yes" or "Very nice" or "Wow, you lucky girl".

When they reached her bedroom Tsunade led him in and told him to sit on the bed. He did as did she.

"You've been so kind to me and I think you deserve a treat" she said.

"Nah, I don't want to bother you" he said but he wanted the treat really.

"No, no, no. I am giving you a treat" she replied still in a drunken slur.

"Well alright. You are the hokage" he replied.

"I know every man in the village wants to see, touch, do whatever to these and I'm sure you're no different" she said, pointing to her breasts.

Madara nodded, a smile beneath his mask.

"Well you're treat is you can do anything you want to them. Anything to my body too but no sex" she told him.

Madara nodded and felt there was no fun in sex if they'd gone through the menopause.

Tsunade took her top off to reveal her naked breasts and Madara's smile grew more, as did the fabric in his pants. Madara slid off his gloves so he could feel his treat. Tsunade took his left hand and put it on her right breast as she lay on her bed.

"Do whatever you want" she replied. And Madara did.

It went into the night and there was no sign of Madara for Taka. Suigetsu started to tap his foot hysterically..

"It's been hours, where the hell is that b*****d?" Suigetsu whinged.

Sasuke didn't respond to be patient but nodded and said "bastard, what the hell does he think he's doing, making us wait so long? Adding suspense? Teh."


	4. Chapter 4

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 4: Tobi has been a bad boy :-(

As Tsunade fell asleep and Madara felt he'd done enough and taken enough pictures to show the others as a good excuse for him being missing. Madara left so there wouldn't be any questions later. He'd come back time to time to see his now good friend, Tsunade.

He left her home and jumped from house to house out of the village. When he reached the gates there were two leaf ninjas. Probably waiting for Akatsuki. Madara jumped on top of the gate as quietly as he could but they heard him.

"Hey you, what do you think you're doing?" one of them shouted. They were both ANBUs dressed as ANBUs.

"Leaving" Madara replied as he jumped down from the gate and out of the leaf village.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to remove your hood" the other said.

"Well I was hoping there wouldn't be any difficulties but I'm afraid you're going to have to die" Madara muttered, shaking his head in dismay.

"What?" the first one laughed, "you kill us? I don't think so."

"But yet I do" Madara said as he removed his hood to reveal his masked head.

"The leader of Akatsuki, Madara Uchiha!" the second one declared.

Madara grabbed their throats and looked into their eyes. They both screamed as they were taken to a dark place where the two were tied up. Madara brought out a sword that resembled Sasuke's chokutō.

Madara sliced and diced their body's until they were in tiny little pieces, but every time they died it began all over again. The Ninjutsu ended but they were still living it, and living it again in their unconscious minds. Madara took out a kunai and killed the two men. Now nobody would know Madara Uchiha was here.

As the sun came out and the cock-rel cockledoodledooed Taka awoke and went back to their daily business of waiting for Madara.

"Were is he?" Suigetsu whinged once more.

"I'm here" a voice from the trees replied.

"Madara? How long you been up there?" Suigetsu asked.

"Few hours. Waiting for you guys to wake up" Madara replied.

"Where were you yesterday?" Sasuke demanded.

"I've got pictures" Madara replied with a smirk and jumped down next to Taka.

Madara pulled out his camera out of his cloak and showed the pictures of a naked Tsunade and him doing things to Tsunade's body.

"F**k! You got some with a busty lady!" Suigetsu cried in joy.

"So am I okay?" Madara asked.

"Yeah you're okay man, totally justified!" Zee replied, "but how did you get her?"

"Got her drunk" Madara replied.

"Dude what the f**k!" Suigetsu exclaimed, "you stuck your fan stick in her-what the f**k is wrong with you man?"

Suigetsu slapped Madara's back like they were the best of friends but Madara didn't take to it too kindly. He grabbed Suigetsu arm and threw him against the wall.

"Ouch, what was that for damn it?" Suigetsu cried.

"Don't touch me, I'm NOT your friend" Madara replied.

"Anyways guys, we have a mission at hand and it's time for it to take place" Sasuke told them.

"Ah yes, thank you for reminding me." Madara said, "now, let's go."

"Ah Kakashi! It's been a day? Where the hell are they? Don't tell me they've been held up by Yamato and Sai!" Naruto whinged.

" We'll just wait and see" Kakashi said as he read his book, he had almost finished it and he wanted to find out the ending.

Naruto groaned loudly when a kunai was thrown at him that narrowly skimmed his nose and stuck into a tree behind him.

"Stop whinging you baka!" Sasuke shouted at him with a smirk.

"Sasuke!" Naruto said dramatically.

"And Madara Uchiha" Kakashi said dramatically.

"And Zee? What you doin' with those scum?" Naruto questioned.

"Funny story, I was an Akatsuki spy" Zee said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Hey, any recognition for us?" Suigetsu shouted, but no one really payed attention to him.

"What took you so long?" Naruto demanded.

"Madara had sex with Tsunade" Sasuke replied like it was no big deal.

"Wait, what? How the hell?" Kakashi said, his turn to act all angry.

"Got her drunk" Madara replied, scratching the top of his mask.

"You sick b*****d" Kakashi said as he started to form Chidori in his hand.

"Jealous?" Madara replied with a smirk.

Kakashi ran in a straight line at him when Zee jumped in between them and shouted:

"There's only one way to settle this!"

"Yeah and we're doing it" Kakashi muttered with the Chidori still in his hand.

"No you're not. Only via Yugioh!" Zee said with cards in his hand when he smacked on the head by Sasuke.

"What the f**k? Are you a child? I'd expect that from Naruto or Suigetsu but not you" Sasuke said with an anger mark on his forehead.

"Hey!" Naruto and Suigetsu shouted simultaneously.

Kakashi took this as a chance to catch Madara out but he couldn't tell who Madara was paying attention to because of the mask so it was just a guess that could end badly.

Kakashi ran at Madara, the Chidori in his hand. He jumped at Madara who simply took out his fan and swept Kakashi away into a tree. Kakashi exasperating angrily that he'd been knocked away so easily by an old man.

"Fire ball Jutsu!" Madara said as he prepared to blow a stream of fire down on Kakashi.

"Wait Madara stop!" Sasuke said as he tried to stop Madara from having a humorous accident(b*****d, trying to stop us getting a laugh well he won't stop us, mwhahahaha!) .

As the fire streamed out of Madara's mouth(that was encased by his mask) the fire didn't get Kakashi but instead Madara's face as it just swarmed around Madara's mask, burning Madara's head.

"Ah s**t! Why didn't anyone f*****g warn me?" Madara shouted as he tried recklessly to get his mask off as he ran to a lake nearby (convenient eh?).

"I tried, I tried but you didn't listen" Sasuke said, shaking his head.

"Quickly follow him so we can see his face!" Naruto shouted as he was long overdue a line.

As Naruto ran to chase him he was swiped away by Samedha into the same tree as Kakashi. Knocking out Kakashi and winding Naruto.

"Some things are meant to stay secret" Suigetsu said.

"One down, one to go" Sasuke laughed thinking how it was Naruto's weight was what knocked Kakashi out. '_should be keeping a balanced diet like me that doesn't only consist of ramen_' Sasuke thought to himself with an unusual smirk.

"Ah damn!" Naruto said as he came to the realization it was just him and Akatsuki. Bt fear not, Naruto knew he couldn't lose as he was the main character! And main characters always win, even when they're beating someone who defeated someone stronger than them which doesn't make sense which I can only come to the conclusion it's a horrible thing everything has called 'main character syndrome'.

Main characters always win, right?  
Naruto formed a clone to help him make a Rasengan in his hand and while the chakra formed in his hand Juugo did what no one else thought to do when Naruto was forming the Rasengan. Stop him. Juugo simply kicked the real one into a tree, causing the other one to explode.

"JUUGO SMASH!" Juugo shouted hysterically.

Naruto collapsed as he body couldn't take so much strength.

"Well that was easy" Suigetsu said.

"Now for Sakura" Zee said.

"Who Sasuke hopes to get in the pants of when we get there" Suigetsu reminded with a large smirk but was met with a smack round the head.

"Shut the f**k up!" Sasuke shouted at him.

Suigetsu went and cowered in a corner as Madara returned. A look of surprise at what he was meant by.

"You defeated them already? That was quicker than I expected. I mean I know you're powerful but not that powerful. Well I guess I can take the nine tails now" Madara told them as he strolled casually to Naruto.

When he'd almost reached Naruto a pink flash of a figure jumped down and kicked Madara away, into a nearby tree(lots kicking into trees eh?).

"Get the hell away from Naruto!" Sakura exclaimed with a fist in the air triumphantly.

Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated in the past two days. There was school and Arsenal were playing, so sorry :).


	5. Chapter 5

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 5: MARIO AND LUIGI! LETSA GO!

"Zee, what are you doing with them?" Sakura asked, breaking the dramatic seriousness.

"Well, funny story, funny story. I was an Akatsuki spy" Zee said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Damn you! I knew there was something odd about you" Sakura muttered.

"Is that 'cause I'm black?" Zee said like a gangster.

"Wait, what? No. Why the hell would you think that?" Sakura asked.

"I dunno" Zee mumbled.

There was a long pause as no one knew what to say when Suigetsu remembered something humorous and important. He shouted with a wide smirk on his face:  
"Hey, pinkie! Forehead girl? Sweet Tits Junior? Well whatever. Just so you know, Sasuke wants to get in your underwear."

Sasuke turned his head slowly with a two anger marks on his forehead. He reached out for Suigetsu and put his hand on Suigetsu's shoulder.

"Suigetsu," Sasuke said.

"Y-yes" Suigetsu shivered.

""WHAT THE F**K DO YOU THINK YOU'RE SAYING? DO YOU WANT TO DIE?" Sasuke shouted in Suigetsu's face.

"Ooh, bad move" Zee muttered with a face that said that Zee was feeling sorry for Suigetsu.

"Agreed" Madara agreed.

Juugo just nodded.

'_At this rate they might eliminate each other which will be helpful_' Sakura thought to herself, when the thought of what Suigetsu said she blushed.

Sasuke grabbed Suigetsu by the throat and lifted him into the air. His dark emotionless eyes looking into Suigetsu's scared purple eyes. Sasuke's eyes changed to the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan and he carried on staring at Suigetsu.

"Wanna take a trip to hell?" Sasuke asked with an evil smirk.

"No thank you" Suigetsu whimpered.

"So what do you say?" Sasuke asked.

"Sorry. I shouldn't speak out of turn or tell the truth-" Sasuke punched him, "I mean lie about your feeling for someone."

"Good boy" Sasuke said and put him down.

"You know Sasuke," Juugo began, "she's a medical ninja and since Karin got abducted we've been in desperate need for one. I much rather have someone you don't have to bite to get healthy."  
"Speak for yourself, bet Sasuke, like myself, was hoping Karin would let us bite her tits" Suigetsu muttered.

"Shut the f**k up" Sasuke told Suigetsu.

"Yes sir" Suigetsu murmured.

"You're right Juugo, she once asked to join us, maybe we should let her, maybe..." Sasuke thought to himself.

But he was interrupted by leaf ninjas encircling around them. They were all ANBU and had obviously been sent to help.

One of the ANBU was holding Neko Pennii. Neko Pennii had amber eyes and ginger hair. On her back was a cat puppet. Obviously her medium of chakra.

"Sasuke, get Pennii, We're leaving" Madara said.

Sasuke nodded before jumping at the ANBU ninjas with his sword. One of them drew their sword but Juugo punched them away. Suigetsu swiped many away with Samedha, leaving only the three holding Pennii. Pennii kicked one of them in between the legs and ran off as Suigetsu smacked one on the head with his sword while Juugo punched them.

"MARIO AND LUIGI! LETSA GO!" Suigetsu said as he ran to the departing Madara and Zee.

Sasuke followed with Juugo, Pennii behind them.

Sakura wasn't sure what to do. It was her v Akatsuki and she didn't like the odds but they seemed to be leaving. Sasuke seemed to be leaving.

"S-Sasuke-kun" she murmured.

Sasuke turned around to face her. And looked down upon her(he's taller). His cold glare upon her made her shiver.

She uttered the words of the past "Take me with you."

Sasuke raised his head and turned back to face the rest of Taka. Madara and Zee, carrying on. Juugo nodded, Suigetsu shrugged, Pennii did nothing.

"No," Sasuke replied and followed his team, "Madara would never allow it."

Sakura gasped in exasperation. She was being left behind. Again. But she felt hope.

"You're right, he wouldn't like it. He'd try and rape her as he'd see as a young, impregnable Tsunade" Juugo said.

"I know" Sasuke replied, his head down.

Sakura started to cry as other ANBU ninjas came, and her old friends who took her home.

Author's Note: Stuck right now with what to do next. Give me ideas please.


	6. Chapter 6

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 6: Much Ado About Nothing

"God dammit, I'm so f*****g bored!" Naruto moaned.

"Yes Naruto, I am too" Sakura replied in a bored tone.

"Where are the ninjas were supposed to meet here at the front gate?" Naruto whinged.

"We're here" a teenage boy said under a hooded gown. A large sword on his back.

Behind him were three others. One was very tall, one had a big sword on his side and another was black, sorry I mean African or African American.

"Hey, have we met?" Naruto asked.

"No" the man with the big sword replied.

"Oh okay" Naruto said like that was the end of that.

"We are travellers and ninja" the one with the sword at his side said, with a thick Spanish accent.

"We wish to become members of your village" the African or African American said.

"We shall take you to our hokage" Sakura replied, "And before you ask, we did receive your letter."

"Good" the Spanish one replied, removing his hood.

He had long, almost black, brown hair, that went down to his shoulders and swerved over his left eye. He had strange blood red eyes. The rest of his face was most handsome.

"My name is Yuri Ugarte (English and Latin American voice actors)" he said.

Sakura took a liking to him that she hadn't done since she'd first met Sasuke Uchiha.

"Hi" Sakura said flirtatiously.

"I'm Leon DeMarley" the African or African American one said as he removed his hood.

He had dreadlocks with blonde highlights in them, they went down to his shoulder. He had very light blue eyes that were like Sasuke's Chidori.

"I am Shin" the one with the big sword on his back said.

He had blonde hair that spiked along to the left side. He had a slightly long nose and sharp teeth. His eyes were sea green. The sword on his back was like Zabuza's but at the end it swerved out like a scythe. The handle long and thin.

"And I am Kimyuga" the tall one said.

Kimiga had long silver hair that slicked back like Hidan, the same length. too. His eyes were orange. He had broad shoulders and looked strong.

"I am Naruto Uzumaki and I'm going to be the hokage one day! Believe it Dattebayo!"Naruto cried.

"I'm Sakura Haruno" Sakura said much more plainly, "Welcome to our village. This way to Lady Tsunade, the hokage."

The foreign ninja followed Naruto and Sakura to Lady Tsunade's office. Through straight roads filled with villagers going about their daily business, shopping, eating out or meeting up with friends. Whatever people do when they go out, I don't know as I'm stuck at home writing Naruto fan fiction for others enjoyment. What the hell is up with that?

Sorry, sorry, back to the story.

They entered the office, Lady Tsunade sat at her desk looking through boring paperwork, that even she found boring. She looked up, a shine in her face as now she had an excuse not to do her paperwork.

"Hello, you must be the travellers. Welcome to the Leaf Village. I am the hokage, Tsunade. I hope you feel at home here" Tsunade said.

"How old are you?" Shin asked, staring below her face.

"I'm fifty-three" Tsunade replied with a smirk.

"Whoa, s**t! You serious? Whoa, well done miss, I am a big admirer of how you've kept so well" Shin said astonished.

Leon leaned over to Yuri and whispered "He he, don't we know someone who'd want to be here with his girl pal."

Yuri chuckled lightly but kept a straight face.

"Thank you..." Tsunade replied to Shin.

"Shin, my name's Shin" Shin told her.

"Ah, Shin, well thank you" Tsunade replied, "and what are the names of your friends."

"The brunette's Yuri, the bl-African or African American one is Leon and the tall one is Kimiga" Shin replied.

"Ah, well hello, where do you all originate from?" Tsunade asked.

"I was born in Kirigakure, Kimiga was born in Otogakure, Leon is from Kumogakure and Yuri s from right here, Konohagakure" Shin replied.

"Oh is he now. Well, welcome back home Yuri" Tsunade said to Yuri with a smile.

"Thank you" Yuri replied.

"Here are your headbands. You are now ninjas of Konohagakure" Tsunade said, giving them their headbands.

The four travellers thanked her and left with Naruto and Sakura. Yuri and Kimiga stayed at Sakura's while Leon and Shin stayed at Naruto's as they had nowhere else to stay. The travellers called themselves 'Za Outai Ookami(The Lone Wolves)' or Z.O.O.

Z.O.O., Sakura and Naruto were called to Tsunade's office one evening at around seven pm. When they arrived Tsunade had a serious look on her face.

"Z.O.O. and Team Kakashi, a villager from the a village nearby, the Land of Tea, has came to tell us of his village being attacked by ninjas from Otogakure. A whole army of them. They send great beasts to attack leaving the city in ruins. We are sending you to deal with this problem" Tsunade told them.

"Right" They said in unison.

"Please come out Kigi Tameni Ukiyo(Fear for Life)-san" Tsunade said.

"H-hello" The man called Kigi Tameni Ukiyo said, "you can call me Kigi."

"Well okay. These ninjas will help your village" Tsunade told them

"Thank you" Kigi praised.

The next morning Z.O.O., Kigi and Team Kakashi(minus Sai and Kakashi) left the village for the Land of Tea. They walked through a gravelly pathway, in the centre of a forest filled with big trees, bushes and green grass.

As they walked Yuri stopped and put his hand out, his eyes darting around quickly. "We're not alone" Yuri told them.

They leaf ninjas took out their weapons or got into fighting stance, encircling Kigi. Kigi curled up in fear and started to get goose bumps and shiver.

"Stay behind us Kigi" Sakura told him, "and we'll protect you!"

Yuri stayed away from the others and drew his chokutō. He had a hard glare, picking up every movement with his eyes. A hand reached out behind him, going for his shoulder. But Yuri knew that the person was there and swiped his chokutō around, cutting the person's hand off.

Blood spurted everywhere as the enemy ninja darted around screaming "My hand! My hand!" while Naruto and Shin laughed to themselves as they found something funny.

It was that in the attacking ninja's costume, of whom was a man, the genitals flailed around as he ran around.

"What the f**k is up with that costume?" Yuri said, his eyebrow quivering.

Sakura imagined Yuri and Sasuke in those costumes and smiled as her legs felt mushy and...wet.

The other members of Z.O.O. started to laugh until they realised that Yuri was still in a fighting position. More revealing costume wearing men would be arriving that they'd have to defeat without being sick. Naruto. however, had not realised.

More of them jumped out, their gentiles flailing like there's no tomorrow. Most of the guys couldn't look where try swinging their weapons and fists but often found something hard, fifty percent of the time it was each other though.

Yuri started to channel lightning through his chokutō like Sasuke did and looked up, a cold dark look on his face, his eyes squinting so to block out any unsightly images.

"Chidori Current!" Yuri said as he hair started to blow in the wind.

He ran at the rudely dressed enemies, running through them, taking each one out in his stride. Eventually all twenty of them were on the ground, the one with the chopped of arm had ran off into the bushes.

Yuri looked up and put his sword back on its sache. Yuri turned around to face his comrades, his hair returned to its place.

Sakura and Naruto looked at him in shock. How did he know Chidori? It was Kakashi's own Jutsu so how could a foreigner who's never met Kakashi be able to use it.

"I once saw Kakashi use it and learnt it myself" he told them.

"How did you know what we were thinking?" Sakura asked.

"These eyes my pretty friend, these eyes" he replied, his left hand pointing to his eyes as he shook his head.

"Shall we continue upon our travels?" Shin asked.

"Yes, yes we should" Sakura replied, of whom had been made leader of the team.

"Good" Shin said and started to walk back on track.

"I take it were close Kigi-san?" Kimiga asked.

"Yes, yes we are. Very close" Kigi replied.

"Good" Shin said once more.


	7. Chapter 7

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 7: Shake-shake-shake-shake a-RUN!

As Team Kakashi, Kigi and Z.O.O. carried on their merry way they came across a motel. They decided to stay the night there. They were the only ninjas about surprisingly. There was only one room for three which was taken by Leon, Shin and Kimiga. Naruto and Kigi took a room for. There was only one room left in the hotel which had a double bed in it. So Yuri and Sakura would have to share a bed!

"Den-den-dennnnnnnnnn!"

"Shut the hell up Shin!" Yuri said, slapping him round the head.

"Yes sir" Shin said.

They walked down the staircase to go for dinner when they saw a sign saying: 'teen night! 10pm-1am.'

"We should totally go!" Naruto said, seeing that alcohol was available made him hope Sakura would get drunk and make babies with him.

"Totally" Sakura replied, thinking the same thought but with Yuri. Her plan made easier by how she already shared a room, and bed, with him.

So the teens decided to go that night, leaving Kigi on his own. They walked down the staircase once more, each step was very creepy.

"Run down piece of crap" Yuri muttered. Sakura laughed while the others said or did nothing.

They walked into a hall lit with disco balls flashing multi colours, the rest of the room dark. The room was lined with tables that had refreshments on. Naruto raced over to the alcohol so he could put his master plan into action. There were chairs at the back for people to rest and chat. There were other teenagers from the motel and others were just locals of the village nearby.

The leaf ninja teens entered and looked around.

"Whoa, that girl has Tsunade tits! And she's around our age! Sweet!" Shin said with wide eyes. Running over to the girl to 'chat her up' and get her drunk. The same plan of action as Naruto and Sakura also had. But this girl looked and seemed like the slutty type so Shin was probably in luck. Probably.

When Shi came over to her he said "it seems to of become hotter as I got here. Must be you."

"Oh my god that is so freakin' cheesy. Now introduce me to your brunette friend and I won't embarrass you. Maybe he has better pick up lines as well as looks than you" the girl replied.

The girl's assets had already been described but the rest of her was pretty yet snobby at the same time. After all, rich chicks are the sluttiest of all, right? She had raven hair and light blue eyes. Her eyes twinkling under the disco light. She had Beyoncé sized behind to add to her assets. She also had tanned skin. She was wearing a revealing dress that was very short and had a very low v neck with long sleeves. She wasn't wearing a bra so her nipples stuck out.

Shin sighed and nodded. Drunken it is he thought to himself. He lead her to Yuri and said:

"This girl turned me, ME, down for you. See ya."

"Okay" Yuri said looking at the girl and nodded. Not too shabby is what came to mind. '_Not too shabby at all_.'

"I like your accent, I'm Maria" she said, coming close to him.

She deliberately dropped one of the bracelets on her arm and bent down while wriggling slightly out of her dress so her breasts were practically out of her dress when she bent down.

"Can you help me find it, I can't see it in this light?" she asked sweetly.

"Um, sure" Yuri replied, bending down to join her.

Yuri struggled to keep his eyes of her mid section. They were just so big! But he managed to redirect his attention when a hand grabbed his manhood.

"Found what I was looking for" Maria said with a hint of want in her voice.

"I don't think that's your bracelet" Yuri said shakily, unsure what to do. If he let her keep hold of it he might be able to touch her breasts but on the other hand... he was interrupted.

"Hey what you doing with my man?" Sakura demanded.

"Your man? No way are you pretty enough. He needs a real woman like me" Maria said, shaking her head and clicking her fingers.

"Who's man?" Yuri said, his manhood still encased by a hand, but it soon became two when Sakura staked her claim and grabbed it too.

"I'm gonna have sex with him tonight!" Maria said.

"Wait what?" Yuri interrupted but was ignored.

"No I am! I share a room with him!" Sakura replied.

"We could have a threesome" Maria said spicily.

"Sure" Sakura said, smirking.

"Wait, what?" Yuri said once more, his voice getting higher.

He was dragged out of the hall too Sakura and Yuri's motel room. Shin saw this and followed, he'd heard the conversation and decided this was too hot to miss.

When they reached the bedroom, Shin sneaked in behind them and hid behind the door until they were looking at Yuri and he ran behind the curtains of the French windows. He pulled out a video camera and filmed the whole thing. Making sure to zoom in at the two girls breasts a lot.

When Yuri came to breakfast in the morning, he walked slowly and stiffly. His eyes wide, his teeth chattering. He saw Naruto, Leon and Kimiga crammed round Shin who was showing them something on a video recorder.

They were all making noises like 'urrrgghh' and 'that lucky b******d!' and 'wooooooooo!' and other noises you'd make when watching porn.

"What you guys watching there?" Yuri asked slowly.

"Your good time last night" Leon replied "did you get to touch their tits, suck 'em and s**t?"

Yuri paused "How do you know about that?" Yuri asked in his usual shaky manor.

"Oh Shin snuck in with you and videoed it. Now answer my question!" Leon told him.

"Oh" Yuri said "and yes. Yes I did. Brilliant but I'm still shaking from everything else. I was raped guys, raped."

"Raped? F**k no! You were living every man's dream! Having a threesome with two beautiful busty women! Any man would want to be in your shoes and yet your terrified by it. You should be happy and in a great mood!" Shin told him.

Yuri paused once more and thought about what Shin had just said. And agreed Shin was right. He should be happy. His mood was instantly lifted. His scared face turning to a wide smirk.

"Can I watch?" Yuri asked.

"Now that's just rubbing it in! You wanna watch living our dreams!"

"Well not Naruto's" Yuri joked, "he'd prefer it if they were two men!"  
Everyone but Naruto started laughing and patting Yuri's back.

"Hey, I'm not gay, bitch!" Naruto whined.

Yuri nodded with a smirk "Sure you are."

Naruto pouted and started throwing a tantrum but no one listened but instead carried on watching the video.

There was another disco that night but Maria was nowhere to be seen. It was joy to Yuri as he wasn't sure he could take another threesome but Shin wanted more porn either involving Yuri or him.

The song 'Shake It' by Metro Station played.

"Dang it where is that sexy bitch?" Shin cried in exasperation.

"Here" a man with a mask around his face but nothing over his failing gentiles along with around twenty others dressed the same way. He was holding a naked Maria. Everyone starting to bolt for the door but the leaf ninjas.

"Yuri-kun, help me!" Maria cried, "They raped me."

"And they didn't invite me?" Shin complained and got dirty looks from the others, "I mean, oh no!"

Yuri drew the chokutō at his side and sighed. "Every time I knock you guys down you just get back up. How... troublesome" he said, quoting at the end another ninja of the leaf village his age in Shikamaru Nara.

"But this time you won't lay a finger on us, no, we'll lay a finger on you!" the one holding Maria laughed but when he saw everyone giving him odd looks, including those leaving, he realised what he'd said and cursed at how it sounded paedophilic.

'_If I use Chidori he could use Maria as a shield, same with my distance Justus_' Yuri thought to himself.

Yuri then saw Yuri running with his scythe blade out, swinging it around, smacking down many of the nudists. He had knocked down seven so far while Sakura and Kimiga had beaten the s**t out of five. Leon had lightning shocked three of them. Naruto had taken out five of them with Rasengan. It was just Yuri and the one holding Maria.

"Yuri, should I save her?" Shin asked.

"No" Yuri replied, "this is a chance to show off my new move."

Yuri made some hand signs and his body turned to. A wind created by Shin's sword knocked the threw the air towards Maria and the head nudist.

As the dust flew behind the two it started to take a shape. The shape of a man holding a sword. The form finished forming to reveal Yuri who stuck his sword into the nudist's back. Maria fell to the floor in exasperation. She'd been saved. Yuri bent down to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"You alright?" he asked.

She didn't reply, just jumped up and kissed him before falling back down as she'd fainted. Yuri had a shocked look on his face.

"Damn this mission to hell, girls kissing me, having sex with me and flashing ninjas, teh" Yuri muttered to himself.

"Where did you learn that?" Sakura asked.

"On my travels from a friend from the sand village" Yuri replied.

Yuri and the rest of Z.O.O. left. Leaving Sakura and Naruto in the hall alone with Maria's fainted body.

"Damn bitch, trying to steal my man!" Sakura said, kicking the body of Maria.

"Um... Sakura..." Naruto began, "let's go. We need to continue with our mission. If we leave before Maria wakes up we can leave without her trying to come and we'll never see her again."  
"Yeah, you're right, you get Kigi, I'll get the boys. We're leaving. Now" she replied.

And the tow left the hall. Maria still lying on the floor unconscious.


	8. Chapter 8

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 8: The Land of Tea

As they left the motel Maria came running out shouting at them.

"Yuri, Yuri! Don't leave me, we were gonna get married!" Maria cried.

"Married?" Yuri said, his left eyebrow quivering.

Suddenly he started to run, as fast as Usain Bolt. The others looked at each other and shrugged. Then they started to run too. Maria started to pick up the pace but their ninja speed gave them an advantage, but Kigi was trailing behind. Breathing heavily, almost fainting.

"S**t, Kimiga, go carry Kigi" Shin ordered.

Kimiga nodded and ran back, then grabbed Kigi and hung him over his shoulder. He then saw Maria coming. And she was very close.

"S**t!" Kimiga said and ran faster than Usain Bolt to catch up with the others and get away from Maria.

Maria was soon out of breath and couldn't go on. She let out one final shout of "Yuri" before giving up and starting to weep that she'd lost the 'love of her life'.

The ninjas soon stopped when they thought they were a safe distance away. All of them exasperating heavily with their hands on their knees, backs bent.

"S**t... that was annoying... as f**ckin' shit... on your favourite shoes... and... the stuff just won't... bloody come off" Shin said, breathing heavily.

"Um...yeah" Yuri said, surprised by the odd simile.

They all, except Kigi of who stayed on Kimiga's shoulder, soon caught their breath and carried on walking. But they did not have to walk far as they soon reached the land of tea. In fact it just took the simple removal of a large leaf to come face to face with a lake, surrounded by young children, young men, middle aged men, old men and middle aged woman, old women and...naked young women. For it was a custom that all young woman between sixteen and thirty five, though some women over twenty five who had kept their looks also had too, to walk around naked at the river. Such as their village leader, of whom was thirty eight. But their leader was not there, she was at her home, cowering from the flashers after they raped her.

"S**t, I love this place!" Shin cried before running into the river, followed by Leon and Naruto, running to the naked women.

Yuri and Kimiga looked at the naked women too but were not as open and did not run to them.

"I must take one of you to our leader and it must be a boy, who shall it be?" Kigi asked, "oh and Miss Sakura, you are sixteen, yes? Well then you must also be naked around the river. Of which you are.

"W-w-what?" Sakura asked, cracking her fists.

"I'm afraid you must follow our customs" Kigi said.

"Very well" Sakura said and removed her top, skirt and bra, "but this is as far as I'm going."

"Very well" Kigi replied.

Yuri couldn't keep his eyes of Sakura's breasts, so to get away from her he said "I'll go meet with your leader." But he didn't know how beautiful their leader was. Or how she liked young boys.

"Then you must come with me" Kigi replied.

Yuri nodded and turned to Kimiga "protect Sakura from perverts. And Naruto."

Kimiga nodded and stepped closer to Sakura as Kigi and Yuri departed for the leader's office.

As they reached her front door, of a small, one floor house, Kigi opened the door and turned to Yuri.

"This is as far as I can go for I am too old to enter her quarters unless I am alone with good reason."

Yuri nodded and entered.

He walked into a dark, grey room that looked like it was the only room of the cottage apart from maybe a bathroom. In the room was, in the right far corner, a small kitchen with a table, in the far right there was a sitting area, in the close right there was a close off cubicle that was presumably a bathroom. In the left corner was a bed. He switched on a light and said:

"Hello, anyone home? I'm from the leaf village. I'm here to help your village."

"I'm here" a women's voice, that sounded sexy and alluring yet scared and scarred, and who wouldn't be after being raped. The voice sounded Spanish, like Yuri's. The voice coming from the sitting area.

Yuri walked over to the couch where a naked women sat. She had breasts as large as Tsunade's, brunette hair with blonde highlights in places, her hair going down to mid back. Her skin tanned. She was not fat or thin but perfect. Her body was perfect in a way.

Yuri gulped as he thought he'd left all the nakedness, but he was wrong. "H-hello" he said in a quiver, the women turning to him and a smile that was not friendly but flirtatious.

"Why, hello. I am Sofia, please, sit" she said, flirtatiously, her hand gesturing to sit next to her.

"Um...okay" Yuri said as he sat at the far end from Sofia.

"Come closer" Sofia said.

Yuri edged slightly closer.

"Come closer" Sofia said.

Yuri edged slightly closer once more.

"Come closer" Sofia said.

Yuri edged slightly closer more.

This continued five more times until their legs were touching. Yuri thanked himself for wearing his cloak, of which was covering his erection.

"You know it is custom in my village for any young man between sixteen and twenty five to take all his clothes, bar his underpants, off" Sofia said with a wide, evil smirk.

"Um...really?" Yuri asked with a shiver.

"Yes, ask anybody."

"Well...okay" Yuri said and he removed his ninja shoes, trousers and shirt, keeping his cloak on.

"Is there something you don't want me to see that you are hiding with your cloak?"

"No, no, of course not" Yuri replied, shaking his hands wildly and his voice going all high. But not mighty.

"Then I'm afraid you must take it off" her smirk widening.

"No, no, I don't think that is necessary" Yuri replied.

"IF you won't take it off, I will have to take it off you instead" Sofia mocked.

Yuri sighed and nodded. He removed his cloak.

"Why what is this poking out?" Sofia said and grabbed hold of the thing sticking out.

"I'd prefer it if you didn't touch it" Yuri said shakily.

"That's not what this tells me. This tells me it wants to touched," Sofia told him, her smirk just kept on getting wider, "and that you want to touch me!"

"N-no, don't be silly" Yuri replied, closing his eyes.

"But you see, I don't think I'm being silly. But really, it's you. Lying to yourself. Now come on and touch my breasts" Sofia told him and grabbed his hands and put them on her breasts, "Now squeeze darling, squeeze."

"No, no, I think I'm fine here" Yuri replied.

Sofia still had one hand on his manhood and said to him "If you don't squeeze me, I'll squeeze you. And suck you."

"Um...I don't think that's necessary" Yuri said.

"I guess it's me squeezing you. But after this we'll both be squeezing and sucking. And in your case, fingering."

"Oh, dang" Yuri muttered as his underwear were ripped off and his manhood was encased by a mouth and tongue, "S**T!" he shouted.

Soon she lifted her head up and looked at him, "Your turn" she told him.

Yuri wasn't sure he could bare it being her turn quite yet so he decided to have his turn. He put his hands on her breasts and squeezed. And found he quite liked it. So he squeezed again. And again. And again.

"Umm...nice, now why don't you suck me" Sofia said to him and slammed his head onto her breasts and squeezed his head in between them.

Yuri pulled one of her nipples to him and started to suck. She moaned lightly. And Shin videoed while mass-debating.

Wait, Shin?  
Yes, Shin had found himself videoing Yuri's sexy life once more. After all, h wasn't getting any himself. And strangely he wasn't finding himself at all jealous. He'd been posting the stuff on his website: 'NINJAS GONE WILD!' But enough about Shin.

"Spank me Yuri, I've been a bad girl. Having sex with little boys" Sofia moaned.

"Okay" Yuri said, spanking her, making her yelp.

"Again, again."

"Alright!" and Yuri spanked her once more.

"Now give me anal" Sofia screamed.

And Yuri ablidged, and she yelped once more.

"F**king God! This is gold" Shin thought to himself.

"What is?" Leon asked as he popped up next to him, "Oh, sweet."

"Yeah, what is? All I see is Yuri and some older woman having sex. Where's the gold?" Naruto asked, also popping up.

"The sex is the gold, idiot" Leon told him, slapping his head softly, "so who's the older babe?"

"The village leader!" Shin replied with a wide smile.

"God, she's even more of a MILF than Tsunade!" Leon said, also with a smile.

"Why does he always get the girls? First Sakura-kun and that girl, Maria. And now he gets an older women! Why is it never me?" Naruto whined.

"Shut up Naruto, you're ruining the film" Shin told him.

"Because Yuri's a hell of a lot better looking than you" Leon told him.

"Don't be stupid. I'm the best looking guy of our age group in the world. Hinata said so" Naruto told them.

"Yes, well she's the ONLY girl in the world who think s that and the ONLY girl who has a crush on you. The rest have a thing for Sasuke or Yuri" Leon told him.

"Wait, how do you know about Sasuke?" Naruto asked.

Shin and Leon looked at each other with wide eyes.

"Um...Sakura told us about him" Leon replied.

"Oh, okay" Naruto replied and turned his attention to Yuri and the village leader.

Leon and Shin sighed quietly before redirecting their attention also.

"Yuri, f**k me in the pussy!" Sofia cried.

Yuri nodded and did so. Soon he released and they stopped. His body leaving the top of Sofia. He fell to the floor, breathing heavily.

"Jesus Christ, three girls in three nights!" Yuri muttered to himself, "though on the other hand it will help me on my mission."

"Yuri, marry me" Sofia said.

"I'll think about it" Yuri said, squeezing her breast one more time before leaving, after putting his clothes back on.

As he left he was met by three, wide smile, erected, boys. They all sniggered to each other, unable to speak. But finally one of them manage too.

"So, um, what did you discuss?" Shin asked, barely able to keep out the laughter.

"I think you know very well, judging by your erections and Shin's video camera. Got some more Yuri porn for your website, Shin?" Yuri asked.

"You bet cha!" Shin replied, shaking his camera lightly and smiling widely.

"Yuri, I must ask, how do you get so many girls? I mean, I'm better looking than you and yet all the girls go for you, why is this?" Naruto questioned.

"One, you are not better looking than me. Two, I don't plan to get girls, I just get them. Or at least they get me" Yuri replied.

"Teh" Naruto muttered and muttered some other things like 'f**ckin' c**t' and 'lucky b******d'.

"So, what would you say was better? Two virgins in a threesome. Or an experienced older woman with bit tits?" Leon asked.

"The older women, easily" Yuri replied.

Shin wolf whistled and the others laughed.

"So, Yuri, got a wife now, do we?" Sin mocked.

"In never said yes" Yuri replied and walked away but was stopped once more by the hand of Naruto.

"What about Sakura?" Naruto asked.

"Naruto, I don't know, I don't know, okay? Just leave it" Yuri shouted at him.

"And Maria?" Shin reminded with a smirk.

"Nothing, nothing" Yuri replied, much more calmly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 9: Sakura!

The boys rejoined with Sakura and Kimiga where they struggled to keep their focus away from Sakura's breasts. Yuri especially as she had ran to him when they'd first met up once more, her breasts bouncing up and down, down and up. And then she hugged him, and if it weren't for the fact he already recently released he'd be worried about getting an erection.

"So, Yuri, what did you talk to the leader about? And what's his name?"Sakura asked.

"Actually the leader's a woman, and Yuri and her talked about many stuff" Shin said, sniggering.

"And you know all this how?" Sakura asked.

"Yuri told us on our way here" Shin replied.

"Um, anyways, we talked about their enemies and how they raped her, like they raped Maria, and how we can help to defeat them" Yuri replied.

"Oh, okay" Sakura said, nodding her head as if she were absorbing it.

"Sakura!" Yuri cried as one of the nudists jumped on to her and pinned her down, ripping down her undergarments.

"Yuri, help!" Sakura cried, "his weight is too much for me to push him off."

Yuri pulled his arms out from under his cloak to reveal bandages-that-I-only-thought-to-just-add-into-his-design on his arms. Yuri ripped them off to reveal red kanji tattoos along his left arm.

_..._

_"_-san. I have a new Jutsu to teach you. You are left-handed, yes? Good. Come here" a man in the shadows said to a boy whose face was obscured by a hood. The boy in the hood walked slowly over to the man in the shadows, walking slowly as he couldn't be bothered, for he knew this man and was not scared of him._

_"senpai, what do you want?" the boy asked._

_"Give me your left arm" the man in the shadows said and the boy did so._

_The man took the arm and pulled out a paintbrush with black at the tip. He painted the kanji symbols for 'Lightning Gravity Rotation-Raikou Juuryoku Jiten(see below).' He then performed hand signals and looked up at the boy._

_"These will now be permanent" the man told him._

_The boy nodded._

_"In order to perform the Jutsu you need another tattoo on your right arm" the man told him._

_The boy nodded once more._

_The man picked up his paintbrush once more and drew a picture of a rotating ball with lightning streaks flowing out of it. Like a Chidori._

_"Now you have these marking you will be able to perform the Jutsu" the man in the shadows said and disappeared._

_**Lightning Gravity Rotation**_

Yuri held his left arm down with his right arm and looked up. Lightning started to appear in his hands like Chidori but lightning streaked out all along his body, his hair spiking up wildly like bed head in the morning.

"Die bitch!" Yuri said and charged at the nudist and Sakura.

The nudist on top of Sakura smirked and pulled Sakura up and slung her back in front of him so he could rape her and use her as a shield at the same time.

Yuri turned to sand as Shin swung his blade around and sent the sand flying at Sakura and the nudist.

"Argh, help!" Sakura cried, tears streaming down her young, soft cheeks.

Yuri appeared behind the nudist and his hand went through the man's body so his hand reached the man's heart. Sakura wrestled free as the nudist fell to the floor. Sakura ran to Yuri and sank her head into his chest, crying. Yuri slowly wrapped his arms around her as he felt that sometimes you have to drop character.

"I'm sorry Sakura, did he release?" Yuri asked.

"No" Sakura muttered and Yuri let out a sigh of relief.

The others circled around and hugged Sakura too. It was a real team moment but it was interrupted by the slow, sarcastic, steady clapping behind them.

"Well done, mighty good show" the owner of the claps said, revealed to be male.

Yuri swiftly turned around to face him and pulled out his chokutō. The man was holding a naked Sofia by her throat with a smirk, behind were many nudists all holding and raping naked girls.

"F**k, this place is corrupt" Leon muttered.

"Let her go" Yuri said, "let them all go you sick b*****d."

"No" the man said calmly.

The man was oriental(like proper oriental, skin colour, looks, etc.) and was wearing a black suit with light grey stripes. The shirt was blue and the tie purple. He had a light stubble on his head where he wasn't quite bald was didn't quite have hair.

"My Name is Chap Fuk Ker" the oriental man said, earning a snigger from the leaf ninjas. Chap Fuk Ker's expression changed to angry. "If you keep laughing I will rape this woman. Again. And master Yuri, is it? I'm sure you know what it's like to have sex with this MILF. But it was her choice then, but not yours. Though it became yours too."

"Y-Yuri, that's not true, is it?" Sakura said, her face melting as the tears started to well up again.

"Um...of course not, this douche is clearly lying" Yuri said, a sweat drop appearing as he started to scratch the back of his head.

Oh it's very much the truth. Why don't you check your friend Shin's website for Yuri Porn. It's got you and miss Maria too, miss Haruno. And of course his afternoon with miss Sofia" Fuk Ker told her.

"You filmed me without my permission? Do you want to die Shin?" Sakura shouted at Yuri.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, just please, please, don't kill me(jeez, what a wuss)!" Shin cried, feeling very small right now.

"Y-Yuri..." Sakura said, changing her facial expression in the turning of the head.

"I'm sorry but she practically raped me! As did you and Maria!" Yuri complained.

"Well I suppose..." Sakura said.

"Yeah, see, it's all good, we're all young. And Shin, how much money you earning off that website, considering you have to be a member to watch and it cost 1.99 yen a month as a member?" Yuri asked.

"I'm making about 100 yen a month. You keep picking up major fitties so we earn a lot. Now all you need is Tsunade and we have a friend who could help us with that..." Yuri said with a smirk.

"Who?" Sakura asked.

"Oh, it doesn't matter..." Yuri replied cautiously.

"Well okay" Sakura said, Yuri letting out a light sigh of relief.

"Hey! Evil bad guy here!" Fuk Ker complained.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah" Yuri said and turned to the attention seeker.

"Yuri, let me" Leon said, putting his arm in front Yuri, "I'll take care of these bozos with Naruto and Kimiga. You and Shin take care of the leader. I don' think Sakura is in a state of mind to fight right now. Look after her."

"I know" Yuri replied and nodded.

Kimiga did things the old fashioned way of using his mighty fists of fury. Smacking them round the head and helping young women. Being a real gentleman.

Leon started a Chidori like lightning bolt in his hand and charged at nudists, electrocuting them and such. He kicked one in the head and others too. Giving out his phone number to random 'hot black chicks', as he put it.

Naruto formed a Rasengan and sent many nudists flying. Crying "Dattebayo!" a lot turning girls away. Forgetting to get and give numbers. He really was hopeless with women.

Soon all the nudists were down and Leon was getting more hugs, kisses and breasts against his body then he'd ever dreamed of, thanking the lord many times. Kimiga also getting some love but he was just a gentleman as usual. Naruto. Well, he's Naruto. Got nothing like usual.

"Shin, operation Sunagakure" Yuri told Shin.

Yuri made some hand signs and turned to dust. Shin swept up the dust and it covered his scythe. Shin charged at Fuk Ker and swung his blade down upon him. Fuk Ker caught the blade as it caught his shoulder. Fuk Ker lacked arm muscle and couldn't lift the blade up. His shoulder and hands received a large scar across them. Shin pulled away his sword as the dust that was now on Fuk Ker's suit started to take form. Only a hand and head poked out from the dust. A hand holding a chokutō. A chokutō with lightning streaking out.

Fuk Ker was electrocuted to death and the rest of the nudists were killed. Sofia ran up to Yuri and smothered him in her cushiony breasts much to his liking, but not to every other girl in the village. And Sakura.

"Thank you Leaf Ninjas for saving our country. A treat is earned for all of you. Each one of you come to my house, one by one in a orderly fashion and whatever you want will be granted. Whatever" Sofia said.

Naruto went in first and asked for free ramen whenever he came here. Next came Kimiga who said that the thought of helping the village was good enough for him. Next came Leon.

"Hello, Leon is it?" Sofia asked, from behind her desk. Naked as usual.

Leon was very distracted by her lack of clothing and replied with a quiet "yes" and next came the question what he wanted.

"Um, please can I touch your breasts" Leon asked sheepishly.

"Your wish is my command" Sofia said and stepped out from behind her desk and sat on Leon's lap, "do whatever you want to them."

Leon put his hands on them and squeezed gently and automatically felt like he was in heaven. He squeezed harder earning a whimper from Sofia. Though it was obviously put on to make him feel better. He sucked her nipples and kissed her breasts. He left the office in a dazed and erected state. He knew he'd sleep well tonight.

Next was Sakura. Sakura walked in and looked at the woman, naked on a spinning chair. She smiled at Sakura, making Sakura think of Tsunade in a way. Sakura sat down in the chair over the table, feeling rather timid.

"Hello" Sofia said.

"I'd like... what do you think?" Sakura asked, wanting to get a woman's opinion.

"how about we have a threesome with Yuri" Sofia said making Sakura smirk, "wait in the bathroom till Yuri comes in."  
Next was Shin, who waltzed in knowing exactly what he wanted. It was time for his website to get some of him. It had enough Yuri. Though he knew he'd need to film Yuri straight afterwards.

"I wanna have sex with you baby, now give me dem titties" Shin said confidently.

"Of course" Sofia replied and jumped on to him, knocking him and the chair to the floor.

Everything that to Yuri before happened to Shin, Shin put his camera on the table and filmed it all. Another video for his website after all. He had entered a virgin but had left, not a virgin. Shin walked over to the window and as Yuri walked in he started the film.

"Yuri, my darling!" Sofia exclaimed as a cue for Sakura to come in.

Sakura walked in, also naked, and stood next to Sofia. Yuri looked at both of them and sighed. He looked at the window in the corner of his eye and sighed again. He nodded at the two woman to come and get him. And they did so.

Yuri had sex with both, sucked and squeezed both their breasts, gave them anal, got a blow job. The lot.

He left and walked over to Shin. Shin got up and ended the film and hugged Yuri but Yuri pushed him away. Sakura walked out fully clothed and kissed Yuri as she left, Sofia for once also fully clothed was also leaving, also kissed Yuri. Yuri was one lucky boy.

"Yuri, I've decided to go on holiday to the leaf village. So I'm going back with you" Sofia said, "maybe it'll become a permanent move."

"S**t!" Yuri muttered as she walked away. He was gonna get raped weekly.


	10. Chapter 10

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 10: A day in the life of Yuri Ugarte:

_One man's dream is another man's nightmare_

As the leaf ninjas and Sofia said their goodbyes and headed for the leaf village they were met by another passenger wanting to join their party. And live in Yuri's house. And sleep in his bed. And feel his hot body next to theirs. And feel his penis thrust into their vagina.

You get the point.

"Yuri-kun! I knew you'd come back for me! Now we can be together forever!" a busty girl cried as she jumped on to Yuri, smothering his face in her soft, pillow like breasts.

"Maria" Yuri muttered.

"Maria!" Sakura yelled.

"Get off my Yuri!" Sofia cried.

"Your Yuri? You mean my Yuri!" Sakura shouted.

"No, neither of yours, he' my Yuri" Mara cried getting up and dragging Yuri over.

"Déjà vu" Yuri muttered, hoping they wouldn't grab his penis as a stakes claim.

But they did. All three of them, and they all started squeezing. And it hurt. It didn't turn him on. It hurt.

"Man, Yuri is lucky" Shin said, as they watched the girls molest and fight over Yuri.

Leon nodded, Kimiga said nothing but you could tell he agreed and Naruto asked:  
"Why? Can't you see he's in pain?"

"It's what's causing the pain that we want" Leon explained to the below-zero-IQ-Naruto.

"What? The girls?" Naruto asked.

"Yes, the girls" Shin replied.

"Maybe they'll have a foursome. Each one having a turn with Yuri. The one's waiting for their turn going lesbian for a bit. Be some great footage for your site" Leon said.

"Let's hope so" Shin replied, "maybe they'll let us two in to entertain the one's waiting instead."

"Oh, God, that would be great!" Leon exclaimed.

"Um, ladies, please, please stop fighting. And holding my manhood" Yuri quivered.

"Oh, Yuri, are we hurting you? I'm sorry, hear let me kiss it better" Sofia said and pulled down his lower garments.

She kissed his manhood then was pushed away by Maria who also kissed his manhood who was then also pushed away but by Sakura. Who also kissed his manhood. Then it became rubbing his manhood with their breasts.

"What the f**k! We're in public, get the hell of me!" Yuri shouted.

Now I'm sure you can guess this was all being filmed by Shin who replied:  
"No ladies, keep going invite us in too to entertain yourselves while you wait your turn" which earned a quick nod from Leon.

"F**K OFF!" the women shouted in unison.

"Don't make me use ninja moves on you!" Yuri bluffed.

"Well it is in public" Sakura said.

"And young children could come by" Sofia replied.

"Then let's take him into the bushes!" Maria exclaimed.

"No, no! Guys, f**king help me you douche bags!" Yuri shouted at the other boys as he was dragged into the bushes to have a foursome(is that even possible?).

"Quickly, we must follow!" Shin said and ran into the bushes to carry on his filming, followed by Leon.

"Meh" Kimiga muttered and followed.

"Hey, guys, wait up!" Naruto cried as he also followed.

As they entered the bushes they were pushed to the floor by a screaming boy pulling his trousers up, they landed on the floor, as three half naked woman ran past, shouting "Yuri, wait, wait!"

Next came Shin and Leon behind filming it all, Kimiga and Naruto then got up and followed.

"What's happening?" Naruto asked.

"The girls are chasing Yuri as they wanna give him a real good time(roll deep style), we're following for Shin's porn site and you guys are just...following" Leon explained.

"No! No! Don't put my hand on your breasts-ooh nice" Yuri cried.

"See, Yuri, I knew you'd like it" Sofia said.

"Now touch mine" Maria said, grabbing his hand and placing it on hers.

"Now mine!" Sakura cried and did the same as Maria had.

"Maybe, we should head back to the village" Kimiga said, "we've been sidetracked enough by Yuri's sexual adventures."  
"True, I suppose" Sakura said, getting up and putting her clothes back on.

Sofia did the same but as Yuri tried to get up he was pulled back down by Maria.

"You're not going anywhere unless you marry me!" she demanded.

"No!" Yuri cried as he was rescued by Sofia and Sakura.

They tied Maria to a tree near the road so someone would come help her. And probably rape her but who cares, no one likes Maria. Right?  
They reached the village around midnight as Yuri was to prepared to stay at a hotel again where he'd get raped. Again. So they kept on walking through the night. As they reached the village they were met by the guards.

"Who are you?" one of them asked.

"Ninjas of the village" Sakura replied, showing them the headband.

"And who is that fox?" the other guard asked, pointing at Sofia.

"A friend" Sakura replied.

They entered the village and returned to their homes. Shin and Leon at Naruto's. Kimiga and Yuri at Sakura's.

"Where should I stay Yuri-kun?" Sofia asked.

"I don't know" he replied.  
"You can stay at my place with Kimiga and Yuri" Sakura said.

"Thank you" Sofia said.

And so they went to their place of solitude.

"Yuri-kun" a female voice said through the darkness, shaking Yuri's leg.

"Who's there?" Yuri asked.

"Sofia" the voice replied.

"Okay, what do you want?"

"I couldn't get too sleep, can I sleep with you tonight?" Sofia asked.

"Yeah, sure" Yuri replied and she got into his bed.

As Yuri tried to get back to sleep he felt his manhood encased, he opened his eyes quickly as his mouth felt an extra tongue in there.

"S-Sofia!"he said, but it was hard to make it out.

"Yes, darling" she replied as she massaged his manhood.

"Stop it!" he cried.

"Are you sure about that?" she asked as she smothered his face in her breasts.

He mumbled something that not even aliens could make out.

And of course, somehow, Shin was there too. As soon as he found out that Sofia was staying there he swapped with Kimiga so that he could film Yuri. Or, if his prayers were answered, himself.

Yuri felt his manhood encased, but no longer by a hand, but womanhood. Yuri was beginning to hate his life. Raped every day. One man's dream is another man's nightmare. He knew Shin would love this. But not him. It was fun when he had it the first time with her but now it was just getting silly. He was getting raped daily by her. Sometimes more than once a day!

"Oh Yuri, Oh Yuri!" Sofia moaned.

But he couldn't answer. His face was still covered in breasts. And yet he hated it! Jesus, you can't win with some!

Sorry, excuse me.

Anyway, Sofia soon got off him after she'd got more 'Yuri juice' and went back to her own bed. Not his.

"I should have seen that coming when she'd asked" Yuri muttered as he tried to go back to sleep once more.

"So, Yuri, anything happen last night?" Shin asked casually over breakfast.

Yuri groaned as he kept on getting flirty looks from Sofia and now this. "So, Shin, where were you sleeping last night?" he asked.

"Me and Kimiga swapped, got some more for my site thanks to you" Shin said with a smirk.

"Shin, do you watch Family Guy?" Yuri asked.

"Yes, why?" Shin replied, watching the videos on his camera.

"Well do you remember what Stewie did to Brian when he wouldn't give him his money?" Yuri asked, with spite in his voice.

_.com/watch?v=m5vNp-bMB0o&feature=related (put it into google)_

"Um, yeah, I guess. Why?" Shin asked, fear starting to come into his voice. Putting his camera down and looking at Yuri.

"Shin" Yuri began.

"Y-yes?" Shin replied, his voice getting all high.

"WHERE THE F**K IS MY MONEY?" Yuri shouted as he jumped Shin.

Yuri smacked him round the face, crying those familiar words of 'Where's my money?'. Yuri pinning Shin to the floor.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll get the money to you as soon as I can!" Shin cried.

"I want it now, I'm doing all the hard work. Getting raped for others enjoyment, now gimme my money!"

"Dude, how is it 'hard work'? Your living a man's dream!" Shin shouted.

Yuri got up and started kicking Shin, crying those words again. He picked up some plates and started smashing them on Shin. Shin crying in pain every time.

"Please, please, stop!" Shin cried.

Sakura walked into the room and pulled Yuri away.

"What the f**k are you doing?" she demanded.

"He owes me money. He's been filming me for porn. You're in two of them!" Yuri replied.

"So why are you destroying my plates?" she shouted.

Yuri paused and realised what she meant "S**t! Oh sorry, I'll pay for new ones, I promise."  
"Yeah, you better. Otherwise you're gonna feel the pain you just caused Shin" Sakura told him.

"Yes, miss" Yuri replied, making an army salute at her.

As she left, glaring at him, he turned to Shin slowly. He pulled Shin up and smacked him round the face and kicked him where the sun don't shine. He dropped him back on the floor as Shin quivered in pain.

"I'm paying for those plates with the money you owe, bitch. And then I want compensation" Yuri told him and left.

"Yes sir" Shin said as he started to comically cry on the floor.


	11. Chapter 11

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 11: Another Sexually Orientated Mission. Oh, and a new girl

Four hooded figures entered the forest of death, the one in the centre right had a large sword shaped like a scythe on his back, the one on the right was very tall, the one on the left had dreadlocks poking out and the in the centre left had glinting red eyes.

"Pennii-chan. Where are you?" the one with the glinting eyes said in an accent.

"Here" a woman said, jumping out of the trees. Also hooded.

"What are our next plans?" the one with the glinting eyes asked.

"Just go with the flow and stay with the nine tails" the woman replied.

The four hooded figures nodded.

"Oh and U...-senpai, keep up the good work with repopulating your clan" the woman replied as she jumped back into the trees.

"How the f**k did she know about those... incidents?" the one with glinting eyes demanded.

"News travels fast my friend, news travels fast" the one with the sword told him. Wrapping an arm around him.

"We must go before the animals come" the tall one told them.

"Too late. We're gonna have to fight our way through" the one with dreadlocks said.

The one with sword drew his word, the one with the glinting eyes pulled a katana out from under his cloak and the other two got into fighting positions.

"Yuri, Shin, wake up!" Sakura shouted to the two sleeping guests.

"Dang, I wish we hadn't gone out so late" Shin murmured.

"I wish we hadn't had to face those things" Yuri said, getting up and getting dressed.

"That too" Shin replied and did the same.

Beneath his cloak Yuri wore bandages over his arms, but you know about those, a navy v-neck shirt with fish net inside the 'v'. Black trousers that went to his ankles and black ninja shoes. He had a bandage belt with his katana on it in between his shirt and trousers. On the back of his top was a strange fan sign...

Beneath Shin's cloak was a purple sleeveless shirt and grey ankle length trousers. He also wore black ninja shoes. Around his cloak was a large belt to hold his sword in place.

Kimiga walked around Naruto's waking up Naruto and Leon. Beneath Kimiga's cloak were a tan shirt and ankle length trousers as well as black ninja shoes. There was a strange mark on his neck...

Leon slowly rose from his bed and cursed about staying up late. He got up and put on his clothes. Beneath his cloak was a grey t-shirt, dark purple cardigan, black scarf and black angle length trousers. He also wore black ninja shoes.

"We're meeting at the hokage's office later for our next mission" Kimiga told him and left. He was going out for breakfast where he'd meet up with the rest of the gang.

Naruto started crashing around his room in a drunken sleepy state.

"For f**k's sake Naruto" Leon cursed.

"Kimiga" Yuri said as Kimiga sat next to him.

Yuri was sitting at a table in a breakfast diner. Over from Yuri was Sakura. On the other side of Sakura was Shin.

"Shin, Yuri, Sakura" Kimiga said, Shin and Sakura nodding in return.

"Where's Naruto and Leon?" Yuri asked.

"Getting ready" he replied.

"I see" Yuri said and took a sip from his apple juice.

Leon and Naruto entered, Leon smacking Naruto around the head and calling him a 'baka'. Leon took the seat next to Kimiga while Naruto sat next to Shin.

"Sakura," Leon began.

"Yes Leon?" Sakura replied.

"Is pink your natural hair colour?" Leon asked.

He was smacked on the head. Smashing him through the chair and threw the floor. Steam fumed out of Sakura's ears and an anger mark pulsed on her forehead.

"No, I'm naturally brunette. I dye my hair pink because my name means cherry blossoms" Sakura replied and re took her seat.

"I see" Leon quivered, with a large bruise on his head.

The team of Sakura, Naruto and Z.O.O. had became a bulk standard village team that was one of the strongest ANBU units n the village. Lead by the hokage's star pupil, Sakura Haruno. They even had a team name. Team Neko(Cat).

Team Neko entered Tsunade's office and stood before her desk. Her breasts bulging out of her top. Shin's eyes unable to look at her head as usual. Standing next to Tsunade was a girl.

The girl had brown hair the length of Sakura's and a fringe on one side. She had glasses over her blue eyes. She was wearing a black cloak over a pink top and white skirt and brown sandals.

"F**k, I think I'm in love" Shin said.

"What?" the girl said.

"Uh... hi" Shin said quickly.

"Hi" she replied.

"Ahem," Tsunade interrupted, "this is Lea Perez. She just became a Chunin and thought a good place to get experience is in a team that will protect her well. She is joining Neko. Your team."  
"Ah, not another girl! One is just enough!" Naruto whinged.

"Shut up!" Shin and Sakura shouted and smacked him round the head in unison.

"Owe!" Naruto whinged once more.

"Ahem," Tsunade interrupted for the second time in a minute, "anyway, your next mission is to capture a thief from a secret organisation seeking power in all Justus. Basically following on Orochimaru's beliefs. They're even from Otogakure. The thief has stolen the scroll Naruto did when he was a twelve. You have to find the thief and the base. The main target is to get back the scroll but defeat the group if you get the chance."

Team Neko nodded and left to pack their bags.

"Yuri-kun, what are you doing packing your bags?" a flirtatious accented voice said from behind Yuri as he packed his bag with spare clothes and weapons.

"Sofia, why are you here?" Yuri demanded.

"I was told you were leaving and wanted to say goodbye before you left" Sofia replied, no longer fully naked but wearing a v-neck dress with no sleeves that went down midway over her upper leg.

"Well goodbye Sofia. See you when I get back" Yuri replied and turned to her.

"Not quite the goodbye I meant" Sofia said with a smirk and lunged at hi while ripping her top off.

Shin was walking by at the time looking through his camera and stopped when he saw more Yuri porn for his site. He started filming Sofia and Yuri yet again. He hoped to get more of Yuri with other girls on the mission. After all, who can resists Yuri? Hopefully Lea is what came to mind when Shin asked this question to himself.

Team Neko said their goodbyes and headed out for their next mission. All the original six wore ANBU suits without the mask as they chose to wear cloaks instead. They all wore cloaks like the one's Z.O.O. wore when they first met. Only Lea didn't wear the ANBU suit as she wasn't in the ANBU. This was only work experience for her.

Lea wore under her cloak a pink cardigan over a green long sleeved shirt and a purple mini skirt with shorts like Sakura's underneath. She had dark brunette hair and dark brown eyes. She was wearing and black ninja shoes like Sakura that are like boots in that they go up her lower leg.

"Stop" Kimiga said.

The others stopped and looked at him.

"There's a change in the air. We are not alone. And it is not an animal" Kimiga told them. He had taught himself sensory, which is very hard if you're not born with the gift.

"I see," Yuri replied and drew his chokutō, "how many?"

The others also drew their weapons or got into a fighting stance.

"I'm not sure but more than one" Kimiga replied.

'_My first Chunin fight in a mission. I feel excited yet scared. Am I strong enough? Need to take my mind away from my nerves. That Yuri sure is cute, though it seems like he has a lot of sexual experience by the way he acts around Sakura. And Shin seems nice_' Lea thought to herself.

"Shin, look after Lea. Make sure to help her if she needs help" Yuri told Shin.

Shin nodded. '_Alllrrrriiiiggggghhhhhttttt. A chance with Lea has arisen. If I can impress her maybe I can get some more porn of myself and not just Yuri. And maybe perceive a relationship with her._'

Five adult ninjas jumped out of the bushes. They were all wearing Otogakure headbands. Their faces were covered by masks that had holes in the nostril departments and they eye departments. They were all holding swords.

"Come on, let's take out these kiddies" the one at the front said and all of them lunged at Team Neko.

Team Neko lunged back and the battle began.


	12. Chapter 12

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 12: Gay Best Friend

As the two teams lunged at each other Yuri stopped and stood on the ground and raised his hand to say 'stop'.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait." Yuri began, "Why are we lunging around like fools? This isn't the graceful way of a ninja but the brutish way of a... brute."

The others started mumbling to each other in a agreement in that way that people do in a school assembly hall before the headmaster enters where everyone is chit chatting to each other so that the hall sounds like a room with full of mumbling words that you couldn't understand.

"One more thing" Yuri said, like uncle in Jackie Chan.

Everyone stopped mumbling and looked at him.

"How are you guys all still in there ready to lunge?" Yuri asked.

The others then realised what he meant and realised they were flying.

"What the f**k?" Shin shouted as his legs started to kicking around trying to find ground to step on, the others also.

"Get help Yuri, get help!" Leon cried at Yuri.

"From where?" Yuri cried in return.

"I don't know, just f**ckin' find help!" Leon shouted.

A random oriental man with one of those weird triangular straw hats was walking by singing a merry walking song from Pokémon.

"dum-dum-de-de-de-dum-de-dum-dum-dum-de-de-dum."

Yuri ran up to the singing man, startling the man and making him stop singing :'(.

"Please, my friends need help! What should I do?" Yuri shouted.

"W-what seems to be the problem?" the man asked shakily.

"My friend are unable to get down from mid air! They're defying the laws of gravity like Peter Griffin did that time in family guy in one of his random flashbacks and reacted the same way!" Yuri shouted.  
"Good lord! You need to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of..." the man said, about to break into the song about the wizard of oz but was interrupted by Yuri.

"If you dare say oz I will f**kin' kill you" Yuri said to him, pulling him by the scruff of his shirt and pull him close.

"Y-yes sir" the man replied shakily once more as Yuri released him, " I have a cure right here. It is often that this happens around these parts. It must be something in the air. Damn global warming!" the man said, crying the last part into the sky.

"Well please may I have it?" Yuri asked.

"Seeing Yuri like that is making me wet. Seeing how dominant he is and how he'll do anything to help his friends" Sakura said.

"Me too" Lea replied.

"Wait, wait, wait. What?" Shin said to Lea.

"I said Yuri is making me aroused" Lea replied.

"I see" Shin replied, tightening his glare and muttering: "Damn you Yuri. First Maria now Lea, but not this time. This time she's mine!"

"What was that?" Lea asked.

"Nothing, nothing" Shin replied.

"Well okay then" Lea replied and turned around to talk girl talk with Sakura.

The man took out a potion and was about to sprinkle it around over both Team Neko and the sound ninjas but Yuri stopped him and said:

"Just the leaf ninjas."

"Well okay then" the man replied and sprinkled the potion over Team Neko saying stupid made up words said by Merlin in the animated Disney film of Arthur.

Team Neko fell to the floor with a bump, getting up and rubbing their sore behinds.

"Ow!" Naruto whined.

Nobody telling him to stop complaining as they agreed with him. For once.

They examined the sound ninjas bags for the secret scroll but none of them had it. They sighed and left.

As they set up camp, Lea and Sakura sat on a log together, talking girl talk about boys and whatever else teenage girls talk about.

"You know I've always dreamed of having a gay best friend" Lea said.

"Really? You know when I think of it, that'd be pretty cool" Sakura replied with a friendly smile.

The girls then giggling together.

Little did they know they were being watched. Their conversation not only closed between the two of them but with another. Hiding in the bushes. Shin.

'_So she wants a gay best friend, eh? Well this is time for a copy of Kick-Ass. Where the main character pretends to be gay to get close to a girl and then later has sex with her and become a couple. I will copy this motion and get close to Lea, then make her mine. Bwahahaha!_' Shin thought to himself as he listened in their conversation.

"So, any of the guys in the team gay?" Lea asked.

"Not that I know though Kimiga might be. It seems like he might have a thing for Yuri!" Sakura replied as the girls burst out laughing again.

"But don't we all?" Lea laughed.

"Yep, even some older women, such as the leader of a village we saved recently has raped Yuri three or four times. One time with myself. I also raped Yuri with another girl during that mission. Good times. Good times" Sakura said.

"Poor Yuri," Lea said, "maybe I can have a threesome with you and him too!"

"Yeah, that'd be awesome" Sakura said casually.

The two stopped laughing and just sat there drinking their beverages.

Shin now knew what he needed to do in order for his Richard to find the pussy of love.

You know what I mean.

Richard.

Long for dick.

You get it now?  
Ad the rest I'm sure you can get.

I hope.

In the morning the gang were woken up by the loud clapping and crying "Chip chop, c'mon people. Let's get out of those beds and get ready for the morning with some fitness exercises!"

"Wait, what the f**k is that? It sounds like Shin, but..." Leon muttered to Yuri in a half asleep voice.

Yuri nodded drowsily as he and the others left the two tents. The girls tent that was smaller as it only hosted two, and the boys tent, which was larger to host the five boys.

They were all in the undergarments, making the boys, and girls, eyes drift towards each other's separate parts. Although both girls were looking at Yuri, the boys were looking from girl to girl.

"C'mon you pansies! Let's get physical! With some good old fashioned yoga" Shin said.

"There's something different about Shin but I can't quite put my finger on it" Yuri whispered to Leon.

"I know" Leon replied.

Shin was wearing a pink short sleeved shirt, grey jeans with a dark grey belt and brown sandals. But to top it all off there was a green handkerchief/small scarf around his neck. He had his right arm raised in a flailing manor in that way homosexuals are stereotyped to do. But what was making it hard for the boys to put their 'finger' on it was that he still had the sword on his back. Still keeping some of his manliness. His hair was combed back.

"Oh darling, you two ladies have a marvellous choice in underwear. And you men aren't too shabby yourselves" Shin said, cross examining the boys in great detail.

"Wait, is he... checking us... out?" Leon questioned with a peculiar look on his face.

"My friend, I'm sorry to say, but I think he is. I think he is." Yuri replied, adding suspense to each syllable.

"There's something up. Grab him!" Leon said to Yuri and the two lunged at Shin, pulling him into the bushes.

As the girls went to follow Kimiga stepped in their way, he was also listening to the other two but with no input. SO he knew the plan. And how to help it.

"Move please" Sakura said.

"I'm afraid you can't go any further" Kimiga replied.

"Why not?" Sakura asked, getting angry, her left eye twitching.

"Um... boy talk. Stuff you don't want to hear" Kimiga replied.

"Then why aren't you and Naruto involved?" Lea asked.

"Because he's Naruto and I'm keeping guard" he replied simply.

"Well okay then" Sakura replied and the two left to go talk girl talk. Again.

"What the f**k was that Shin?" Yuri demanded, as he pinned Shin against a tree.

"Well recently I've grown a sudden craving for the male genital. I think I'm a homosexual!" Shin replied.

"That's nice and all but..." Yuri said with a dramatic pause for suspense. Yuri slapped him round the face and tightened his grip. "Now what's the real reason?"

"Well I overheard Lea saying she would love a gay best friend and I'm gonna be that gay best friend and hope it blossoms into more like in kick ass!" Shin replied.

"Oh sweet Jesus" Leon moaned as the three left the bushes to return to their comrades.


	13. Chapter 13

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 13: Call Back

As Team Neko carried on walking, the boys-minus Shin, walked and talked together while Shin talked to the two girl about whatever girls talk about, gradually becoming their new gay best friend.

"Shin" Yuri began.

"Yes darling?" Shin replied.

"Are you gay?" Yuri asked.

"Why yes I am darling" Shin replied with a flutter of his eyelids.

"Shin, really? But you're like the straightest guy I've ever met" Sakura said.

"Well I've always fancied myself a bit of a bisexual and to avoid bullying swayed more towards girls but recently I just can't get aroused over naked females on the internet anymore but men instead" Shin replied.

"Okay" Sakura said slowly, not sure whether to believe it or not or if it was one of his schemes to get more porn for his site, speaking of which, "what about your porn site?"

"Well I don't want to ruin men's fun so I'll keep it up there but will no longer add videos" Shin replied.

"Okay then" Sakura replied, still unsure what to believe.

"You know there's something I've never quite understood about vampires in TV. In both the Twilight series and Vampire Diaries there are two guys fighting over one girl, right?" Shin began, earning nods from the others. "And only one can get the girl. In Twilight it's Edward and Jacob after Bella, in Vampire Diaries it's Stefan and Damon after, first Katherine, then Elena. Edward gets Bella and Stefan gets both Katherine and Bella, and has anyone seen how much Edward and Stefan look alike? But the ones that don't get the girl, Jacob and Damon, are both better looking and care about the girl more. What the f**k is up with that?"

"You know I noticed that too" Lea replied.

"Yeah, yeah" Sakura muttered.

"I thought that too" Yuri said, earning looks from the others saying 'you actually watch that bullshit?'. "What? Sure, the Twilight movies suck cock but the Vampire Diaries are quite good."

"Reeeaaaallllyy?" Leon said.  
"Humph" Sasuke replied and crossed his arms and made and his face told you that he was sulking as much as his behaviour. "They'll rue the day they messed with Yuri Antonio Santiago Julio Ugarte!" he muttered to himself.

"Yeah, yeah, sure we will" Leon said, earning light chuckles from the others.

A raven flew down and landed on Yuri's arm, as it perched itself it dug its claws into his arm making Yuri wince in pain and curse thy lord's name in blasphemous ways.

"Yuri-kun" Sakura said sympathetically.

"There's something on the raven's back" Leon said.

"Ah yes" Sakura replied and picked up a tiny little cylinder box of which she opened and took out a rolled up piece of paper.

"What is it?" Yuri asked as he winced in pain.

"A message from back home at the leaf village" Sakura replied.

"What does it say?" Kimiga asked.

"False alarm, the scroll had been moved by the cleaners so they could get to a tight spot and the cleaners forgot to put it back. We can go back home" Sakura told them.

When she realised what she's said she realised why anger marks had appeared on their foreheads, one now appearing on her own.

"Those idiots" Yuri cursed, still in pain as the bird seemed to have grown attached to him. Like all birds in a way, ;).

As they turned around and an at the speed of light to get home quickly while they still had the anger inside them to give Tsunade a piece of their mind. Yuri saying 'Ow, Ow, Ow!' throughout as the raven never let go.

"I have had enough of this insolent bird!" Yuri cried and drew his chokutō and raised his blade so that it was, with one swipe, going to make the raven headless. The raven remaining on his arm, completely poised as if it was never going to leave. Never.

"If you dare hurt that bird I will f**kin' kill you!" Shin said, in his newly found flamboyant way.

"Just watch me" Shin muttered and as he swung his blade, the raven looked into Yuri's eyes. Yuri stopped as the blade almost made contact, like 0.1milimetres away!

"I'm sorry, I won't hurt this poor bird" Yuri said and put his chokutō away.

The bird then flew away.

"Lady Tsunade!" Sakura cried as she entered her master's house and up to her bedroom, followed by her team.

When she reached the door and was about to shout she stopped, as the others joined her, they all stopped and shared a shocked expression upon their faces. All except for Team Z.O.O. Of course.

Tsunade was in bed with a hooded stranger whose arm was around her naked, uncovered by the duvet so all could see her in her birthday suit, body, his arms clutching her breasts.

"Oh Jesus. ...-senpai" Yuri muttered, earning nods from his Z.O.O. comrades.

"L-l-l-lady...Tsu-...nade..." Sakura began, "what the f**k is going on here!" she shouted.

"What? Sakura, how you doin'?" Tsunade said in a slurred tone, alerting Sakura to the fact she was drunk.

"Damn, what the hell am I doing wrong? Even the old man is getting some!" Shin muttered to Z.O.O.

The hooded man got up, tilting his head to keep his face covered by his hood, and started to walk for the door. Quickly. But was stopped by Sakura stepping in the way of his path.

"Oh drat" he muttered.

"Oh drat indeed" Sakura said, "getting her drunk and having sex with her counts as rape you know."

"Well technically we never had sex. I simply fondled her and nothing else. Now excuse me before things get messy" the man replied.

"It's still an offence to sexually abuse someone. Even worse when she's the hokage" Sakura told him.

"Not if you can't catch me!" the man said and disappeared in a swirling 'poof'.

"S**t! Where the fuck is he? How did we let him slip by so easily when we're all such skilled ninjas! Sakura shouted, though no one was really listening as they were either shocked or just plain disturbed- In Z.O.O.'s case.

Sakura sighed and walked over to Tsunade.

"Never mind, never mind. While me, Kimiga, Naruto and Lea go look around for the man you guys get her dressed again and look after while she goes through this hangover.

"Really, she's leaving us in charge of a naked, busty woman? She really must want to find that guy" Leon whispered to Yuri who replied with a simple nodded as the other four departed leaving 3/4 of Team Z.O.O.

Shin pulled out his trusty camera and 'took a dirty picture'. He smirked to himself and ran put the camera away. Then he walked over to Tsunade and smiled evilly.

"Care to join me in this act of awesomeness?" Shin asked the other two.

"I thought you were gay, man" Leon joked.

"I'm not sure I can take being gay any more. I'm missing titties so much. So much talking about penis with those girls. Jesus! And you'll never who's penis is the hot topic!" Shin replied.

"Yuri's" Leon replied simply, earning a dirty look from himself.

"How did you know?" Shin asked.

"Lucky guess" Leon replied as he walked over to join Shin next to the bed with a naked woman on it. Shin put his hand on Tsunade's left breast and squeezed it, his mouth gaping as he smiled to the others in that perverted way young men do. He then caressed her nipple and bent down to suck it.

"Your turn Leon, each one of us gets one turn on each breast" Shin whispered so the neighbours couldn't hear, "but may add other places."

As Leon stepped up and did much the same Shin went over and caressed the outside of Tsunade's pussy. Tsunade replying with a light whimper.

"We'll rotate around till we've each had all three parts" Shin whispered.

Yuri then stepped up and did the same to her left breast as Shin moved to the right breast and Leon to the v-v-vagina. Then Yuri moved to the vagina as Leon moved to the right breast and Shin finished and watched them. Then Yuri completed the cycle and did the right breast.

Then they fulfilled their job of getting her into some clothes, with some fondling in between. Of course.


	14. Chapter 14

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 14: WTF? Yuri's being a flirt?

Team Neko were called to Lady Tsunade's office one spring morning to discuss what their team will be doing next. By her side stood a boy of maybe a year older by her. The boy had brown hair with bangs and a ponytail with a cat wrapped around his shoulders, his eyes were amber with a slit pupil.

"When I first put you together one of your members was ill at the time. The one who was supposed to lead the team as he had the most experience. The team named after his surname. Neko. Rival of the Inuzuka's. They specialise in using cats rather than dogs. This boy beside me is Tsume Neko. He is a year older than you and will lead your team. As you go into the Jonin exams" Tsunade told them.

"Wait, so you're saying that one of the strongest teams in the ANBU are a bunch of Chunins?" Yuri asked.

"Well, I suppose, yes" said Tsunade.

"No wonder we got invaded by the sound and sand a few years ago" Yuri muttered.

Yuri then received odd looks and was told why by Leon.

"You're not supposed to know that, remember?"

""Oh s**t!" Yuri cursed before saying to the others: "news travels fast."

And they all accepted this answer.

"So, Team Neko, the exams begin tomorrow. Prepare rationally" Tsunade told them and dismissed them.

As Team Neko came together, surrounded by other Chunins hoping to raise in rank, they looked around the foreign lands of the land of water. Shin felt uncomfortable as, after all, this was his home. He sighed before looking around, taking in how things had changed. For one there was no longer any thick fog carried over the land, so rapists couldn't lurk in the fog anymore. Luckily for Yuri.

"Hey look! That blonde prick is gay!" someone from the land of water shouted, pointing at Shin.

"Let's beat him up. But remember guys, protect your manhood from his gay grip!" another said and they all charged at Shin.

"Oh s**t! Yuri, f**king protect me!" Shin cried as he decided his gay rouse was not worth getting beat up but he didn't need to give it up as Yuri dealt with them like a good daddy should. Oh wait, he's not Shin's daddy. So... a good... friend...should that be...?

Yuri pulled out a sword and pointed at them, making them stop in their tracks. One of them realised that no way would this guy kill them.

That one walked up to him and smirked at him, "Do it" he told Yuri, "if you've got the balls."

"You'll regret that. When you die" Yuri said and kneed the man in the balls, making him wince in pain, "but I don't like to waste my time with losers. Ta ta for now." Yuri said with a wink and looked at the others. "You wanna play tough guy too? Bring it." he told them, "that's what I thought. Bunch of pussy boys" he muttered to himself and walked away.

But one of them lunged at him as they didn't like being called a 'pussy'. Yuri sighed and held out a hand, grabbing him by the scruff of his shirt. He looked deeply into the man's eyes and glared at him as he pulled out a kunai and put it to his throat.

"Now what do we say in order to stay alive?" Yuri mocked.

"You caught me off guard. I can take you, you're just a little boy" the man said, as Team Neko were one of the youngest teams there.

"Oh how wrong you are" Yuri sighed and stabbed the man in a non fatal area. "You were lucky this time. Next time, well hopefully there won't have to be a next time if you're smart. But sadly I doubt your intelligence, know why? Because you attacked like an imbecile. Next time you die."

The man winced in pain as his comrades circled around him, and other ninjas, all giving Yuri odd looks. A hand grabbed his shoulder and he sighed, thinking it were another water ninja, he pulled out a kunai and span around quickly, holding the kunai ready to strike but was surprised to see one of the examiners.

"Why did you stab that boy?" it was a Anko Mitarashi who asked.

Yuri examined her carefully, paying full detail to her fish net top. He smirked and said, expecting her to be like all woman, "I'll take you to dinner and we speak nothing about it, deal?"

She slapped him, hard, much to his surprise. A shocked look overcame his face. As he regained his composure and faced her, rubbing his cheek. "You slapped me? You... you f**king slapped me! You bitch!" he shouted at her.

"You asked for it, now answer my question boy, why did you stab that man?" Anko demanded.

"Him and his friends were going to attack my friend for being," Yuri paused and turned to Shin and sighed before turning back to her, "gay. And I protected him. I stuck my sword out, bluffing, and one of them ready my bluff so I kicked him where the sun don't shine, till you come knocking..." Yuri said flirtatiously. And when he said 'bluffing' he merely said to avoid further precaution but wasn't really bluffing.

"Did you not learn your lesson? You want another slap, boy?" Anko asked like one of those black women on TV.

"No, ma'am. I'm good" he replied sheepishly, holding down his head, shamed. "So he fell to the floor and I turned away. But one of his friends were stupid and attacked me so I stabbed him in self defence. I'm sure you understand, you're a beautiful lady who I'm sure have had to fend of countless rapists in your time..." Yuri said with a light smirk.

"What did I just tell you? What did I just f**king say?" she shouted but softened her tone and said as she walked past him, "your charm might work on girls your own age, and maybe the occasional older woman, but not me. Good luck in your exam. You're gonna need it as I'm going to victimise you, and deduct 15 points from your overall score for violent, and sexual, conduct."  
As she walked away Yuri cursed and said "but what a nice ass, and rack too" shaking his head like Quagmire in family guy after saying "Alright, giggity-giggity".

"Have you noticed a change in Yuri?" Leon asked Shin.

"Yeah, normally girls advance on him. Not the other way around, but at least he's not raping them like they did to him" Shin replied.

"You mean he's not always a total flirt?" Tsume Neko asked them.

"Heck no! He's normally a polar opposite. He's f**king acting like me!" Shin cried, but making sure the girls couldn't hear.

"But instead on guys... because you're gay...?" Tsume asked.

"No, girls" Shin replied casually.

"But you're gay...?" Tsume said.

"No I'm not, just acting it as I heard Lea saying she'd always dreamed of having a gay best friend so I did what happened in Kick Ass and am pretending to be gay" Shin told him.

"So it's not okay to make an advance on Lea?" Tsume asked.

"F**k no!" Shin replied.

"Well okay then" Tsume replied.

Yuri waltzed over to them and said "I'm gonna get a bit of that. Could tell from the body language. She's just playing hard to get but don't worry, don't worry, Yuri's gonna get some of that if it's the last thing I do."

"Yeah, I know. You get whatever girl you want, and don't want-you lucky b*****d, and what you don't want. And I repeat, you lucky b*****d" Leon said, "but anyways, why were you acting like Shin used to before he turned 'gay'?"

"Just filling in for him I guess while he's 'gay'. The only difference is that I'll actually get girls" Yuri joked, earning much laughter from the others bar Shin.

"Allow it bruv!" Shin cried in exasperation.

Tsume chuckled lightly to himself before walking off as Yuri turned to the others and revealed the second part of his master sex plan.

"And to help repopulate my clan" Yuri said.

"How many girls is that now, Yuri? How many are gonna have little baby Uch- I mean Ugarte's?"Leon asked.

"Well there's Sofia, Sakura and Maria, plus Anko to be" Yuri replied earning more laughter.

"Oh the joys of being a 'player'" Leon remarked.

"My dream being lived by someone who doesn't really want it" moaned Shin.

The three laughed together before walking back to the rest of the team.

Sakura and Lea settled down on a log outside the Land of Water gates and talked girl talk once more.

"After seeing Yuri like that I don't like him anymore. He showed his true colours there. I always thought he was such a nice guy, guess I was wrong. Not to mention what he said to that examiner" Lea told Sakura.

"Are you kidding me? I just plain found that made him even sexier!" Sakura said, "guess that means more for me!"

"But aren't you bothered by how he talked to Anko?" Lea asked.

"Nah, the way girls are always jumping on him he's probably saying to girls he doesn't want that to make them not want him. So he can be with me!" Sakura replied.

"Whatever you say Sakura, whatever you say" Lea replied and the teams were called to the gates by Anko and other ninjas to be told what they must complete to become Jonin.


	15. Chapter 15

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 15: Jonin Exams

As the teams all crowded around Anko and her see through top she pulled out a scroll and read it to them.

"You must survive a fortnight in the forest of death in your teams. The bigger team the more chance of protecting yourself. And being spotted. You're not allowed to attack other teams but there will be ninjas in the forest who will challenge you in order for you to prove yourselves. Now go!" Anko told them and wrapped the scroll back as they were all sent into the forest of death.

"Wait, wait" Shin then said, stopping everyone in their tracks.

"Yes?" Anko asked grinding her teeth, she always hated the gay ones that needed to ask questions.

"So what you're saying is that this is like 'I'm a celebrity...Get me out of here!'?" Shin asked.

"Well I suppose if you want to look at it like that, now would you please go!" Anko said, trying to say it kindly but that wasn't really her way- just ask the men she's slept with.

"Well alright but I'm not eating no bugs" Shin said and teams entered the forest of death. Finally.

**Day 1:**

Yuri sat resting his back on a tree with his arms pulled back behind his head. He shut his eyes and heard a creeping noise from behind him. He opened his eyes quickly and scanned the area. Nothing. He shut his eyes again and he heard a rustle in the bushes. He opened his eyes and jumped up with his chokutō at hand.

"Who goes there?" he demanded.

There was no reply.

He groaned and put his sword back. He turned his back and was ambushed by a mighty liger.

The creature appeared slightly bigger than a normal big cat. it had a golden main to add to its golden fur that had faint, slightly darker than the rest of the fur, stripes. It grinded its teeth and growled.

Yuri tried to wrestle it off but he was not strong or big enough to do it. He started to shake and realised this was the end. This was the end of the U-.

"Raion, Raion! Where are you?" a familiar voice cried.

The liger jumped of Yuri and ran over to the bushes and started to roar but the roar developed into a 'meow' as the liger started to get smaller and become a semi long haired, golden cat like a Somali cat.

Tsume walked out of the bushes and his pet cat jumped up to him, Tsume catching him and cradling the cat in his arms. The cat then wrapped itself once more around his neck.

"That was your f**king cat? It almost killed me!" Yuri shouted.

"Don't be silly!" Tsume said defensively, "Raion wouldn't hurt anyone. Without my permission. He was just playing, that's all" Tsume replied and helped his team mate up of the floor.

"Sure, sure" Yuri replied as he followed Tsume back the team, for Tsume had been looking for him.

"Don't wander off like that" Tsume scolded him.

"Yeah, yeah, so why were you looking for me?" Yuri asked.

Leon had came to join them and after hearing that chuckled slightly.

"What's so funny?" Yuri demanded with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh nothing, nothing. Just how you seem to have became even cockier now that you have every girl at your fingertips" Leon replied.

"Shut up" Yuri said as the best comeback he could think of.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway there are fourteen nights here we have to take and we need someone to take guard each night. Whatever that girl who Shin is pretending to be gay for isn't here, but was here earlier to say goodbye, so there are seven of us. She's not here as she's not advanced enough for becoming a Jonin. So each one of us will have a two nights each. Yuri," Tsume said, facing Yuri with a serious face.

"Let me guess, I'm first. Alright. At least t that way Sakura can't rape me. Yet" Yuri said.

"No, instead Anko can" Leon joked making the others laugh lightly.

"So you promise you'll do it on your mother's life?" Tsume asked.

"My mother's dead" Yuri replied.

"Hmm... then how about we pinkie swear?" Tsume said.

"Okay" Yuri said and they 'pinkie swore'.

"Anyway, yes that was what I was going to say. I'm glad you're okay with it. Thanks" Tsume said and they had their dinner that the 'gay', Kimiga and Sakura had prepared.

"Yuri has agreed to keep watch tonight" Tsume said to the rest of Team Neko as he sat down between Shin and Kimiga.

"Only because I was worried his cat would turn into a liger again and bite my freakin' head off like it almost did over there!" Yuri replied as Leon sat by Shin and Yuri sat between Leon and Sakura.

"Like that little tame thing could ever turn into a harmful liger Yuri" Sakura laughed as she walked over to Tsume's cat and stroked its head.

"Yeah man, you must be on some wacko drugs to think that little cat was a liger" Shin joked.

"No! It seriously turned into a liger!" Yuri cried like a child, "tell them Tsume(pronounced like Tsunade)!"

"As much as I'm enjoying you guys mocking the pretty boy I'm afraid to say he's telling the truth. My cute little cat here can turn into a mighty liger when it goes into battle. Or if it feels like attacking someone. Usually me" Tsume told them.

"You think I'm pretty?" Yuri asked, his mood changing in a second.

"Well if I ask every girl in this forest if they'd f**k you I'm sure they'd all reply with 'yes', so you tell me Yuri, do you think girls, and gays, find you 'pretty'?" Tsume replied.

"You think they'd all want to f**k me? S**t! And I'm on duty so if a girl from one of the other team goes by she'll rape me! What the f**k have you got me into?" Yuri demanded, shaking Tsume.

"You can't go back on it mate, you pinkie swore. Sorry. But think of it like this, " Tsume began, "you're more likely to get raped here by Sakura then you're out there as there's a small chance another girl will walk by as they've all probably set up camp too" Tsume argued.

"Well I suppose. Okay" Yuri replied and settled down.

"Hey! Don't perceive me out as some rapist!" Sakura cried.

"But you would rape Yuri, that's all I'm saying" Tsume replied.

"Well I suppose" Sakura said and settled down.

After dinner they talked a bit and set up tents. They had two tents of two and one of three. Sakura and Kimiga were together as he was the only boy not to fondle her in her sleep- and Yuri couldn't go with her as she'd rape him, Tsume and Naruto went together and the other three members of Z.O.O. went together although one them wouldn't be there tonight.

As all but Tsume, Yuri, Shin and Leon went to bed the four had one last discussion before Yuri went out on duty and the other three went for sleepy.

"Yuri, I need to give you something for the night" Shin said.

"What?" Yuri asked.

"My camera" Shin replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What's the camera for?" Tsume asked, as he was the only one who didn't know about Yuri's sexual adventures and Shin's avid filming.

"Shin owns a porn site where he puts Yuri's sexual adventures on, his own-which are very unusual, and anyone else's he can find. But mostly Yuri's" Leon told him.

"Yuri, I want you to film any sexual adventures you have. Or I stay up and sit behind you with my camera waiting for it" Shin told him, "but that might blow my cover."

"You're staying up too behind me" Yuri replied, "I don't give no s**t if your cover is blown."

"Nice, thanks for being such a caring friend" Shin said sarcastically.

"I try, but I don't like how you're lying to the girls for your own purposes" Yuri told him, he was raised a post feminist by his mother.

"It's your fault I have too. She was falling for you like all the other girls but when Sakura isn't around I badmouth you, saying you're sexist and a sex addict- which you accidentally are, although it's caused by others but I didn't mention that. And I told her not to ask Sakura about it as she'd deny it as she's so in love with you" Shin said.

"I see" Yuri replied as Tsume and Leon went to bed while Shin went and hid behind a bush that he could just stick his camera through to get a good video of Yuri resting on that same tree as when he was attacked by Raion.

Yuri lay semi awake for hours on end, Shin had practically fallen asleep and you could already hear his gentle snores starting to rumble from his vocal chords. Yuri yawned and covered his mouth. As he was about to take his hand away he heard a branch crack from behind a bush and his eyes flickered open quickly but he remained in exactly the same position so he could put all his attention into that one place.

Shin also awoke and quickly turned his camera on so he could capture it all in case there was a sexy hungry women about to rape Yuri.

A female voice cursed from behind the bush and all the blood came out of Yuri's head and he started to shake, finally bringing his arm down to take out his chokutō.

"Who goes there?" he quivered as Anko came out of the bush and stared at him, a sweat drop appearing on her forehead.

"Oh s**t! Of all the people I could be challenging first it had to be the one who tried to make sexual advances on me earlier, oh f**k!" Anko cursed.

"In all honesty the flirtation was all meant as a light hearted joke" Yuri replied, semi awake.

"Sure" she murmured and got into a fighting stance, "you can make the first move. But no groping."  
"I'm afraid I can't make any promises" Yuri replied with a smirk as he readied his blade.

"Well it was a nice thought" she muttered to herself and lunged at him.

She pushed him against the tree and put her kunai as close to his face without touching him but he could still feel the friction. He smirked.

"I didn't realise you'd come on so strong. I knew you were quite the sex crazed lady but I didn't realise it was this bad!" he said with a smirk as he wrestled her around so that it was him facing her, with his chokutō around her throat.

"Keep dreaming playboy" she said and grabbed by the arms and smashed him into the ground before jumping down on him so that he couldn't get up.

Yuri smirked as he slowly turned to sand like before and the sand went everywhere, including inside her top.

"Oh s**t! Where'd that b*****d go?" she demanded to herself.

"I'm here" he sung as his face and one of his hands came to vision, his hand just happened to form in her cleavage , his face right in front of her own.

"You better f**king get that hand out of my top or I'm gonna f**king kill you" Anko shouted at him.

"How about we make this fun...?" Yuri said.

"You're on!" Anko replied.

"If I beat you I get to have sex with you, if you win...?" Yuri said, trailing off so she could choose her own conditions.

"You tell everyone at the end of the tournament you're gay" Anko said.

"F**k that, I'm out" Yuri replied.

"Ooh... Little Yuri afraid he might lose and become a gay?" Anko said.

"If it weren't for the fact I was so sure I'd win I'd back down and not to take a care in the world about what you said."

"He he, let's do this thing!" Anko remarked.

"Oh yeah" Yuri said and squeezed her breast before materialising away from her and looking up, "let us do this thing."

"You're gonna pay for that!" Anko said.

And the battle commenced.

"Oh s**t! " Shin said to himself from behind the tree, "role play and sex. Best kind of video!"


	16. Chapter 16

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 16: Anko vs. Yuri

Yuri put his chokutō to his teeth and performed hand signs. In an instance he was gone and didn't re appear till he was behind Anko and his blade was across her throat.

"Do I win yet?" he mocked.

"You wish" she replied and grabbed him by his shirt collar and threw him head down on to the ground.

But he performed a replacement technique so that a leaf took his place on the ground.

He jumped from a tree he was hanging on to by a stem of a branch and landed on top of Anko who threw him off into the tree, making him wince in pain.

She ran at him, with snakes shooting out of her sleeves at him. He shut his eyes awaiting impact. Then he felt the snakes grip his wrists with their fangs.

"S**t!" he winced as blood dripped down his sleeve, flowing down the tattoos on his arms. He smirked lightly at her and winked. "You shouldn't have done that" he murmured and stepped away from the tree as if he felt no pain.

"Why?" she replied, slightly cockily but slightly with regress.

"He he" he replied and swept the blood around so that it had touched every sign on his arms.

Lightning flew out both his arms and wrapped his arms like they were his sleeves. They flowed down the stem of his hand and out of his fingertips, along the snake. The snake dying. The snakes let go of his arm and the blood poured down along with the snakes' limp body.

He picked his sword up from the floor and all the lightning started to flow through as the metal was a conductor. He did what he'd done at first to end up behind her but instead right in front of her, his sword almost piercing her fish net top. She raised her arms to say 'I give up' and he pulled his blade back and put it in its sheath.

"You're way too powerful to just be a Chunin. You almost made me fight at Jonin level" she laughed, patting him on the back.

"So that forbidden Jutsu was Chunin level?" he replied unbelievingly.

"Touché" she said and began to walk off.

"Hey!" he cried, "we had a deal!"

"You were f**king serious? I thought that was just banter" she replied, turning around.

"I don't joke about sex" he said, "now get down and let me feel your tits!"

"No" she replied simply.

"What?" Yuri and Shin said in unison.

"I'm not having sex with a kid" she said and walked off.

"Get your pretty little fanny here right now! English and American meanings!" he shouted.

"You wanna go boy?" she replied.

"We just did. I won" he replied and glared at her and instantaneously was right in front of her, his eyes looking intensely down into hers.

She stared back up as if she were in a trance. And she was. The black tomoes spun around in his eyes over the blood red iris. She fell back and he caught her.

"Now, what was the reply that you will fulfil from our deal?" he shouted.

"I will have sex with you" and instantaneously she was back to her flirtatious self, grabbing his manhood like countless had before.

"Oh s**t! Gonna have to cut that bit out!" Shin complained.

"Let me show you how they did it when I was your age. Dirty as f**k should be. Made you lot look f**king clean" she said and pulled his lower halves down to give him head.

The rest I'm sure you can imagine, after all, Sophia is from the same generation as Anko. So just read chapter 8 again or something. But think of dirtier things as Anko's even dirtier. If that's even possible.

**Day 2:**

Yuri woke up the next morning, drunk, though he didn't know why. And then he remembered, The previous morning he had been dragged to a bar by Shin where they'd got seriously drunk and then he remembered flirting with Anko, fighting her and... oh s**t! He looked himself up and down to make sure it wasn't true, he was naked with a companion, no companions- Anko had brought more beer so he couldn't remember how more and more girls got some of Yuri.

There was around five girls. Anko, two he didn't know... Maria? ... Sakura?... What the f**k happened last night? And since when was Maria a ninja? Or had she snuck in, maybe it was her who had the beer? Maybe she snuck in after him? Sakura must have came from the forest to rape him once more.

There was a snoring coming from the bushes that didn't belong to a female and he saw his 'gay' companion lying on a tree with his camera at hand, no longer videoing but had so much footage he would rather people didn't know. He thought '_maybe I should delete all his videos!_' but he decided not to. An erection blazing through the fabric of his pants, One day he might be proud of these sexual adventures and would enjoy reminiscing about them when he's happily married, restoring his clan to its former greatness. Not to mention that camera would tell him what the f**k happened last night!  
He kicked Shin who cried out in pain and started moaning till he saw it was Yuri and sat up straight, smirking at Yuri.

"I didn't know alcohol made you such a flirt! You should drink more often!" Shin joked.

"I am going to f**king kill you, you little s**t!" Yuri growled and Shin screamed and scampered off, awaking Yuri's misuses.

They all started moaning and feeling their head and screamed when they realised they were naked. "Why the f**k do I have no clothes on?" one of the two Yuri didn't know said. She was black and had large breasts, a nice fat ass (Cleveland show reference!) and long wavy black hair.

"Dibs on that one in the future" Leon said and crept over to her, hoping to convince they had sex as they were now dating.

"What? We're dating? Yet you had sex with all these other women!" she cried.

"No, no. My friends also were here having sex but they have scampered of to go play with the fairies" he replied and spanked her ass.

She whimpered and smirked "I like the way you handle your hand baby" she said and rested her head on his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Oh yeah" he said and the two began what she had done with Yuri the previous night.

Shin and Yuri passed by and Shin automatically pulled out his camera. "Black sex, nice" he said with a smirk. Yuri raised an eyebrow at the matter but said nothing.

"Whoa, what happened?" the other girl Yuri didn't know, with a Swedish accent to add to her already model like body, where she was large and small in all the right places if you know what I mean...

"Dibs on that one" Tsume said and walked over to her, with exactly the same plan as Leon. But with an asset. The cuteness of his kitty cat.

"Hot dammit!" Shin cried, "save some for me!"

"I thought you were gay" Yuri tormented.

"Only when Lea is here" Shin replied.

"But Sakura will tell her" Yuri replied.

"Not if you do what you did to Anko last night with you eyes for me" Shin said and continued filming.

"S**t! I didn't! Please tell me I f**kin' didn't!" Yuri cried.

"I'm afraid you did" Shin replied.

"Oh s**t. Thank god she got drunk otherwise she would remember" Yuri said and sighed in relief.

"Hey! That's Maria! The girl you had a threesome and foursome with!" Shin tormented in turn. It wasn't right for the balance of power to shift. Only Shin made jokes about Yuri's sex life. Not the other way around. It just plain wasn't natural.

"Oh dang" Yuri said, gritting his teeth.

"What?" Shin asked boredly, only really paying attention to Leon and hi 'lover'.

"Here come Sakura, Anko and Maria. To me! They want some ore or are gonna complain" Yuri said.

"Then run" Shin replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Too many of 'em. They use tactics to get me" Yuri said and kept his eyes on his three 'lovers'.

"You know I was thinking while I was videoing you last night," Shin began.

"In between zooming in on the girls tits I presume."

"Naturally."

"M'kay."

"But anyway, with all your lovers you could convert to Mormonism. You have had so many 'gals' that you probably will become a dad in a few months so marrying them all is all that's left. Which you can do in Mormonism. And as a Mormon you can't drink alcohol. So that way I can't push you into doing anything like that again" Shin told him.  
"I see. I'll think about it" Yuri replied.

Anko, Sakura and Maria surrounded the two ,Shin slipping away. It wasn't his problem. Yuri gave them an unconvincing smile as he shivered.  
"Hey ladies, how you doing?" he said.

"We're ready for round two Yuri, f**k us Yuri. F**k us" Maria said.

"Seriously? That's all you want?" Yuri said.

"And for you to convert to Mormonism so we can all have a round with you forever. Sophia can be included too" Sakura said.

"See, I told you it was a good idea!" Shin called from a distance.

"Shut up Shin!" Yuri called back.

"Now are you gonna f**k us or what? 'cause if you're not then you're gonna get raped. Again" Anko said.

"Everyone else is get f**ked over there. Tsume and the Swedish blonde, Leon and the black chick! Now let's add ourselves to the major f**k down!" Sakura said.

Shin had turned his camera's focus to the four and awaited the answer along with the girls.

"I can't take being chased to get raped so let's do this thing" Yuri sighed and was dragged down, already naked like the girls.

Shin's began to get even more erected. After all, this was a f**king sex fest!


	17. Chapter 17

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 17: Siren bells

Yuri woke up to the sound of clapping in front of him. Standing in front of his limp, sleeping body was Naruto clapping like the fool he is. Yuri blinked a few times until he gained focus in his eyes again and felt like he had a hangover. And he did.

After all, from the events that just took place only the drinking and flirting part happened. The rest was all just a blur and this time, when he woke up, he was alone. Yuri got up slowly and looked at Naruto.

"Get the f**k out of my vision" he said simply but harshly.

"Hey, I'm not the fool who fell asleep while on guard duty!" Naruto shouted back.

"Neither am I, I... I... I... have no idea how I fell asleep. All I remember is fighting Anko, more flirtation, her agreeing to sex after I pulled some sha-sexy moves on her. Then we got out beer, my second drink of the day after Shin took me out drinking earlier-probably why I flirted with her yesterday afternoon, alcohol and me aren't best buds. While we were drinking beer I heard a twig break behind me and as I swung around to attack and... then it's all a blur. Shit! Anko f**king knocked me out! That bitch!" Yuri cried.

"I see..." Naruto said, who didn't really follow the story well as there was too much mumbling in between. And poor Naruto finds this kind of thing hard enough.

"Wait, Shin..." Yuri said, suddenly remembering that the pervy 'gay' was in the bush.

He crept up to the bush and as he got closer the louder the snoring got. He pulled back a twig and looked down luckily as he almost stepped on the camera. He decided not to wake up Shin quite yet and picked up the camera which was still running.

"Shit, that's got to be like 5 hours worth of bullshit" he murmured.

Then he ended the film and fast forwarded through it to find out what happened with Anko.

Sometime during the drinking Shin had passed out and dropped his camera so it was a shot from the ground mostly that mostly had grass in it but he could just see what happened. Anko had said that she was getting more beer from behind him but then knocked him out and left. Nothing else happened during the period he was awake, much to his surprise as he clearly expected to be raped in his sleep by Sakura but she must've stayed asleep. And yet for some reason, he felt regret that she hadn't.

"Teh, your turning too soft, Yuri" he grumbled to himself.

He then had to prove he was still a 'hard man' so he kicked Shin where the sun don't shine and- surprise, surprise- Shin awoke in much pain.

"What the f**k was that for, douche bag?" Shin whined.

"You wouldn't get up" Yuri replied simply.

"You wouldn't have sex with Anko" Shin replied.

"She knocked me out just like your eyes knocked you out" Yuri told him.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Anyway, so what if I wouldn't get up? And I quite fancied a lie in, thank you very much" Shin carried on, "doesn't mean you have to kick where a man prefers not to be kicked by anything except for a vagina, breasts, an woman's anus, a woman's mouth and a woman's grabbing hand."

"What if you're gay? Like you supposedly are" Yuri asked, "and you're welcome."

"Then by a man's grabbing hand; mouth: anus and penis" Shin replied. "And I'm not f**king gay."

"That's not what the girls think."

"That's is what they're supposed to think for the amount of time it takes for me to get into the new gal's panties."

"What we're talking about again?" Yuri then said, they seemed to have gone a bit off topic.

"Why, I don't quite remember. But I'm sure I'll remember it later at a most inconvenient time" Shin replied.

"Shall we head back to camp?" Yuri asked, his hand raised in a pointing sign facing the camp.

"We shall" Shin said and they did so.

Forgetting to tell Naruto they were going so the dumb blonde found himself on his own for a bit till Tsume called him over and called him an idiot. As did the others. So nothing new, right?

A siren broke out, shouting across the forest. Everybody's attention turning to where the noise came from. From somewhere inside the forest. Anko rushed through the trees, she had to find the reason of the siren before it got to some of the young ninjas again. She couldn't let another die, three had already been lost. All from one team.

Anko was going to tell anyone she came across that the exam was being postponed till further notice and that all ninjas should proceed back to where they'd came in and leave the forest.

As she came across some familiar trees she stopped to think why she found them familiar. Had she been going in circles? Did all of the forest just look the same? Or was there some other reas-  
"Shut up Naruto, you stupid fool." a Spanish accented voice said from somewhere to her left.

"I'm sorry Yuri-kun, I'm scared. Why did that siren sound?" a high pitched, annoying sounding voice said(no, it's not Justin Bieber).

"I don't know, Naruto, I don't know. But I intend to find out." the Spanish accented one said once more, revealed to be Yuri.

"Yuri-teme" Anko growled as the previous night came to mind.

She realised she needed to alert Yuri's team. She strolled into their camp much to the team's surprise.

"What do you want, Anko-chan?" Yuri asked, adding a suffix that he knew would make her blood boil.

She tried to hold back the shouting as she knew she had more important things to say and there were more teams to say.

"I need to tell you something. You must proceed back out of the forest. The exam is postponed till further notice. Thank you and goodbye" she said and as she set off to leave she was interrupted.

"What's happening?" Yuri demanded.

"That's confidential" she replied and tried to" proceed once more but was interrupted once more.

"I'll repeat, and this time I want the real answer. Not 'it's confidential', 'kay? Now, what is happening?" Yuri said.

"You'll be told later" she said but that, sadly, was not a good enough answer to Mr. Yuri.

"What is happening? I wanna know what I need to be on the lookout for" Yuri said.

"Good argument" she said and tried to make it her final answer but, again, Mr. Yuri did not accept this answer(Caw, some people, 'ey?).

"What's happening? You have ten seconds to tell me before we torture it out of you" Yuri said.

"Whoa, Yuri, that's a bit over the top. She hasn't committed a crime, lay off a little bit" Tsume said.

"And yet she has. Not following a promise, *ahem, *ahem" Yuri said.

Anko laughed gently before turning back to her sudden serious demeanour "the longer I waste here the more lives could be lost."

"Then hurry up and tell us so you can leave" Yuri said.

Anko realised she'd have to tell them so she started: "There's a woman. A freak mishap from one of Orochimaru's experiments. The woman was given superhuman powers like enhanced strength, speed, agility and such- the woman having no power or ninja abilities before. But something went wrong. Or right, after all, it was Orochimaru" she said, trying to add some humour but failed.

"Carry on" Yuri said with a serious demeanour.

"The woman broke free and killed some of his scientists then escaped and was not seen of again. Only tracks of deaths to tell us where she was. We've been tracking hr but we've never been able to catch her. And every time we get close she kills those ninjas. And every time she kills, only half the body is left. The est has been devoured. She became a cannibal" Anko said, "she somehow got here and recently killed three people, the fourth from their team escaping, barely, to tell us and ninjas have all been sent in the forest to evacuate it and try to capture it. God knows how many have been killed by now. Now can I go?"

"No. Or you'll be chased" Yuri replied.

"By you?" she remarked.

"No. By her" Yuri said with his usual casual demeanour but the rest of team all had scared looks on their faces. That were looking behind her. She started to tremble like those in front of her when she realised what was happening.

"She's right behind me, isn't she?" Anko said, needing it to be confirmed.

"Yep" Yuri replied.

"Shit" Anko said and turned around slowly.


	18. Chapter 18

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 18: Cannibal

Anko turned her head slowly to come face to face to the stuff of nightmares. A woman with a look on her face that would send shivers down the spine of the toughest people in the world. Sweat started to form along Anko's brow as she looked into the eyes of the woman.

The woman had dark eyes that looked like those on a dead person. Bit of skin had came off along her arms, face and probably other covered parts. There were also scars on her arm probably from the fights with her 'food'. She had dark yellow teeth that looked sharp. She had badly kept dark hair that looked straw like. She was wearing a ripped white dress that went to mid upper leg.

"I guess that's what you look like after a poor diet that only consists of one thing. Humans" Yuri said trying, and failing, to lighten the mood.

The woman turned her eyes from Anko to Yuri and licked her lips. She jumped down from the rock she stood on and walked over to them. Anko wanted to move but couldn't. She was in a scared daze.

"Anko! F**king move you stupid bitch!" Yuri shouted, jumping to her and pushing her away. She landed on the floor in pain but alive and no longer dazed.

"Ow! F**K you Yuri!" Anko moaned.

"Hey! That's now way to talk to someone who just saved your life" Yuri shouted at her.

"You haven't saved our lives till we're safely out of this place. All alive. Don't get ahead of yourself now, Yuri-sama" Tsume told him.

"Then I've got some work to do" Yuri said and pulled out his chokutō, "Anyone with me?"  
Tsume nodded and stepped up by him. Naruto and Kimiga did also.

"No f**king way!" Shin shouted.

"Then go with Anko to go tell other teams to get out of here while we hold her up. If I don't make it out of here, Shin, tell them our secret and," Yuri said then taking out a bottle of what looked like silvery milk, "give this too as many women as possible."  
"What is it?" Shin asked, taking it.

"My cum" Yuri replied.  
"I see" Shin said and he helped Anko up, "on second thoughts I'll stick with you" and handed the bottle to Sakura.

"Naruto, Tsume," Yuri said, "go with Anko and Sakura. Leave this up to Team Z.O.O."

"All right" Naruto said, nodding and the four left.

Team Z.O.O. faced the woman with tight glares being passed around to each other. As soon as they were sure the four that had left were no longer in a position to see them the four of them made the exact same hand signals and said:  
'Henshin.'

And in a thick cloud of smoke something happened. As the smoke there were four young men of around Team Z.O.O.'s age but it wasn't Team Z.O.O. Stood in the former place of Team Z.O.O. were:

"Guess we can carry out our mission now. Capture the Jin Kuchini(man eating)" the teen in Yuri's place said, his raven bangs hanging over his onyx eyes.

"Don't we also need to bring the nine tails to Madara-senpai?" a tall ginger teen said, standing in the place of Kimiga.

"Yes, but we'll do that later. I'm not ready to leave yet" the raven haired teen said.

"Wanna still get in Sakura's panties again. This time in your own face and not with another girl there too as part of a threesome, 'ey Sasuke?" a silver haired teen joked, the raven haired one shooting him an ice cold glare making the silver haired teen flinch.

"I think we should focus on making sure we don't get eaten by the Jin Kuchini?" an African or Afro Caribbean teen said.

"It won't eat us. If it tries anything I'll send it to hell with my eternal Mangekyou Sharingan" Sasuke said.

Zee nodded and turned back to the woman in front of him and started to produce a lightning bolt in his hand. "Sasuke, wanna make two lightning moves even better with a fusion?"

"Why not" Sasuke said and started to form Chidori in his palm.

Zee and Sasuke came together and Sasuke used his blade to conduct their already strong techniques at the woman. The lightning bolt flowed through the air at the speed of light and shocked the woman, this leaving a cloud of smoke around her.

"Is she dead...? 'Cause she's not supposed to be or we'll get in trouble" Suigetsu complained.

"No" Sasuke replied sharply.

"How do you know?" Suigetsu asked.

"I can feel her chakra" Sasuke replied.

"Is she knocked out?" Suigetsu asked.

Before Sasuke could answer the steam cleared and the woman stood before them like before but with more ripped skin, clothing and scars. Her wide grin still stuck to her eccentric face. She had her arms hung down like Orochimaru did when he had his arms sealed by the 3rd Hokage and her legs were struggling to hold her as she was so weak.

"Food" the woman whispered and started to tread steadily over to them.

"How the f**K is she still walking?" Zee complained.

"I don't know" Sasuke said simply but for the first time in his life, since the time he faced Orochimaru in this exact same forest, there was almost undetectable fear in his voice.

Sasuke tried to calculate a way to defeat this freak mishap of nature that his former mentor created. Sasuke made the hands signs that showed he was going to perform a fire type move. Then he released a might burst of fire out of his mouth, aiming at the woman. His accuracy better than the best C.O.D. player in the world.

The flames took over the woman's body and the smell of burning wafted through the air around them. As the flames cleared the result was the same as before. The woman still stood there but with much more rotten skin falling off. They could now see her left cheekbone her skin condition was so bad.

"I wouldn't be surprised if she'd developed skin cancer" Suigetsu remarked.

"This is no time for jokes" Juugo said, always the voice of reason.

"I joke when I'm scared to relieve the fear a bit" Suigetsu replied.

"What, like Yoh Asakura in Shaman King?" Zee asked.

"Um, yeah, I guess so" Suigetsu said, not realising his shared habit with the main protagonist of the brilliant manga, Shaman King.

Juugo ran at the woman with his cursed seal raging through him and taking over him. The 2nd level form taking shape of his body. His teeth widening, his skin turning a rusty brown and wings sprouting out of his back. His skin now harder and harder for the woman to crack through.

He charged at her, his fist raised as he readied for contact. As he drew closer the woman turned to him and readied herself. As he was about to make contact he was smashed deep into ground with unimaginable force, power and strength. The dent in the ground being somewhere around one metre. As he tried to get up she put her foot on his head and cracked his skull. He moaned silently in pain but he no long had the strength.

"Oh My God, I think she killed Kenny-I mean Juugo!" Suigetsu cried.

"You bastard!" Zee shouted.

As the woman bent down to pick the body up and have her starter Suigetsu charged at her, his sword ablaze. She turned to him, holding the body in her left hand. Suigetsu had intent in his eyes that he hadn't had since his training days under Zabuza-san.

As she raised her right fist to punch Suigetsu smacked away her right hand was cut off by his blade and she was kicked in the head. As she fell back he cut off her left arm so that she let go of Juugo and fell to the ground.

Only a slight dribble of blood came out as her body was so torn to pieces that most her blood had been exhausted out, all her blood from the victims she'd killed.

Suigetsu pulled Juugo back with him and landed by his teammates and sat Juugo down, his head rested on a small rock, his face a picture of innocence. Sasuke came over to check for a pulse and found it.

"He's still alive. Barely. His pulse is slow and we need to end this quickly to give him a chance of seeing tomorrow or being the god father to my children" Sasuke said.

"Why not one of us?" Zee asked.

"He's more loyal to me" Sasuke said.

"Who's turn is it now?" Suigetsu asked.

"We only need to decapitate her body to make sure she can't attack us back. I'll go" Sasuke said a so he did.

The other three nodded and watched as he lunged at the woman who grabbed him by his throat and pulled him towards her, looking deeply into his Sharingan eyes.

"Well you're a pretty one" she remarked before smacking him round the head and sending him crashing into a tree. Blood poured down from his mouth and head. He slowly got up and creaked his spine to get it back in place, also doing so with his shoulders.

Sasuke picked up his sword from the ground next to him and looked up with a harsh, eternal look on his face. He walked slowly towards the woman who did not know what to expect. She readied herself to fight with her right arm, her only arm.

Sasuke swung his blade, slicing her right arm off. She lunged at him with her head ablaze, hoping for the 'prettiest' meal she'd ever had. He sliced her legs off only leaving just below where her dress cut off. She fell to the ground, screaming in pain.

Sasuke started to paint symbols around her and then stepped back when he was done. He then performed hand symbols and the woman disappeared off to Akatsuki base for Madara.

Sasuke stepped away and performed the transformation Jutsu on all of them so they returned to the faces the leaf ninjas currently knew them as. Yuri, Shin, Kimiga and Leon. They left the forest, Yuri carrying Kimiga on his back.


	19. Chapter 19

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 19: Fibbly Wibblies

As they left the forest where many ninja stood, doctors encircling to heal any barely survivors. Yuri brought Kimiga to them and lay him down by them.

"Got another one here" he said and left them to their work.

Anko wandered over to the three and asked "what happened to the woman?"

"We defeated her but she disappeared somewhere" Yuri replied.

"I see. How did you defeat her?" she asked.

"We cut off her arms and legs to immobilise her" Shin replied.

"Well okay. Thank you for your assistance to the village. You three are probably already Jonin level after that but you probably want to finish the exams with your teammates" Anko said thoughtfully.

"Yes. We shall" Yuri said and Anko nodded with a friendly smile and left.

Yuri, Leon and Shin strolled over to Team Neko and nodded to each other. Lea pushed through ninja to get to her teammates to check they were all okay.

"Lea!" Shin said as she ran over to them, to him it seemed she was running right at him, ready to embrace him.

But of course she wasn't. Where's the humour in that? Shin getting the girl he wants and is being 'gay' for, that's not funny. Is it? Because, after all, this story is primarily a teen comedy with a slight touch of romance to balance it out. But mostly a comedy.

Anyway.

Lea ran past the open armed, ready to embrace, Shin to Sakura. Her gal pal. They hugged each other and sadly, much to the boy's annoyance, did not start 'lessing out'. Lea then proceeded to hug all the team, especially Yuri. Of course. She came to Shin and he gave her an extra special hug back.

"Ow, Shin, you're hurting me!" she complained.

"Oh sorry, darling" Shin said and let her go.

"Anyone would think you'd missed me like a girl you had a crush on. But you're gay, right?" Lea questioned.

"Oh yeah, Shin's a proper gay. In fact during the short time we were in the forest he tried to molest me but I overpowered him. Of course" Yuri said.

"Really? Shin, aren't you a feisty one?" she laughed, gently hitting Shin's leg.

"Yes, I suppose I am. But, I'm not the first to try that on Yuri. Normally girls do. Such as Sakura, a girl called Maria and a thirty eight year old woman called Sofia. It's funny though, they all managed to get results" Shin said through gritted teeth.

"Obviously had a greater will then you did, Shin. Maybe you're not gay after all" Yuri said, also through gritted teeth.

"Shut the f**k up Yuri" Shin replied.

"Make me" Yuri said.

"I might just have to" Shin said.

"Yuri, aren't you a little bit a man whore!" Lea, joked, also spanking his leg.

Yuri and Shin turned to with raised eyebrows.

"Actually they rape me" Yuri said.

"Rape you?" Lea said, "I find that very hard to believe. I think you might be getting a bit above yourself, Yuri."

"Oh, you'll know when I'm above myself. Right now it's the bone idle truth. Ask Shin. He filmed it all and posted it on his porn site" Yuri said.

"Really, a porn site? Does it have a gay section on your own sexual adventures?" Lea joked.

"No. But it has a video of him and Sofia having sex before he realised he was-" Yuri said, taking a dramatic pause to look at Shin. "-gay."

"Really, maybe your bisexual, honey" Lea said, suddenly speaking with a southern accent.

"What?" Shin said, surprised by her change in voice.

"What?" Lea replied in her normal voice.

"Nothing, it's just for a minute you sounded like Miley Cyrus" Shin said slowly, taking everything into account.

"Really? What the hell?" she laughed.

"Yeah. Anyway..." Shin said, desperate to change the subject, "what we talking 'bout?"

"You might be bisexual apparently" Yuri remarked, checking his nails the straightway.

"Oh yeah" Lea said.

"Wait, Shin check your nails" Yuri said.

"Why?" Shin asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Just do it, would ya?" Yuri replied.

"Well alright" Shin said with a slight regret.

Shin clenched his fingers in and checked them in front of his palm.

"Ah hah! You're straight!" Yuri cried.

"How? What do ya mean?" Shin said wide eyed and surprised.

"You checked your nails the straightway. If you'd one it like girls do you'd be gay but you're checking them like a guy so your straight!" Yuri laughed.

"F**k!" Shin cried.

"Why? What's wrong, don't you want to be straight?" Lea asked sweetly.

"Well I never was straight. It's just..." Shin began, "well, when I met you, Lea, I found an instant liking to you. And not a friendly liking. A sexual liking. But you, like all girls, preferred Yuri. But then after watching Kick Ass, and finding out you'd always dreamed of having a gay best friend, I knew what I had to do. I also pretended to be gay to be with you. Now I know how Naruto feels about Sakura rejecting him all the time for Sasuke and Yuri." and he hung his head.

"Oh, my god. That is so freakin' sweet, Shin" Lea said with a smile.

"It is?" Shin said, lifting his head.

"Yeah" she said and hugged him. He felt shock go through his body as he slowly embraced her always.

"You're welcome, Shin" Yuri said and turned around to go.

"For what?" Shin asked.

"Helping you get Lea" Yuri replied.

"How?"

"By getting you to tell the truth. I knew she'd feel like that. When you've slept with as many girl as me you know how girls feel" Yuri said.

"Yeah, sure you do" Shin said.

"Now, come on. Leon. Shin. We're leaving" Sasuke told them.

"Where are we going?" Shin asked, clearly not wanting this moment to end.

Yuri turned to him with a raided eyebrow and through the hood of his cloak over his head.

"Oh, right" Shin said as he and Leon followed Yuri, also throwing their hoods over their faces.

Three hooded young men entered a dark cave outside of the village. One of them performed hand signs and a flash of light appeared. They removed their hoods to reveal the faces of Taka.

"Where is Juugo?" a voice said from inside the cave.

"He was attacked and is receiving medical treatment back in the village" Sasuke replied.

"I see. Does anyone suspect?" the voice replied as footsteps echoed fro inside the cave, proceeding towards the three. Slowly getting louder.

"Not that I know of" Sasuke replied once more.

"Good" a masked figure said, stepping out the darkness. He nodded to the three as a greeting.

"Madara-sama" they replied.

"I received the woman. She seems to be lacking some limbs" Madara said.

"We had to immobilise her to defeat her" Sasuke replied.

"I see" Madara said thoughtfully.

"If you don't mind me asking, why do we need her?" Zee asked.

"Ah. A good question, Zee. We wish to use her a weapon. Though it seems our resident puppet master will have to fix her first. No worries" Madara said.

"How will we control her?" Suigetsu asked.

"He he" Madara chuckled and looked up to him, a glint crossing his strangely non matching eyes.

"Ah, I see. With your eyes" Suigetsu said.

"That is all. Return to your posts" Madara said and teleported elsewhere.

The three left in a flash of light, changing back to their disguises and putting their hoods back over their faces.

They strolled up to the gates where they were intercepted by Tsume.

"Who, are you?" he demanded.

Yuri pulled out a headband from his cloak with the leaf mark engraved into it.

"You're ninjas form the village. Please excuse my rudeness. Please come in" Tsume stepping out of their way.

As they passed him he interrupted them again.

"Excuse me but I feel I have seen that curled sword before" he said to Shin.

"You would have" Shin said, pulling down his hood.

"Oh, it's you guys. Why did you leave the village?" Tsume asked.

"To if the woman had disappeared around the outside of the village" Yuri replied.

"Oh, right. Well okay, come in" Tsume said and he entered the village with them to go and have a celebration meal of surviving the attack. With Kimiga- who'd been saved.


	20. Chapter 20

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 20: Beer Brawl- oh, and travelling to the hidden mist

Eight strangers entered a bar. Four of them hid their faces with hoods, the others did not. They took seats in the far corner of the room. Taking up two tables for four. Two hooded figures per table.

The four removed their hoods to reveal themselves to be Team Z.O.O. making the others the rest of Team Neko.

At one table sat Sakura, Shin, Lea and Kimiga. The other sat Yuri, Leon, Tsume and Naruto. Yuri pulled out those candy cigarette things and put it in his mouth and put his box away. He clicked his pale fingers and fire lit the tip of his cigarette. He breathed in the smoke.

"You know smoking can kill you" Naruto said, filled with wisdom.

"I know, genius. But this is a candy cigarette" Yuri replied, turning to him with a look that made Naruto bit his tongue in distaste. There was something that made Naruto think of someone annoying from his past that looked at him like that put he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

As a waitress put their drinks on the table, juice for the women, Naruto and Kimiga who hadn't thought to lie about their age, for they were all too innocent- and Tsume really was eighteen.

"Sasuke!" Naruto cried, suddenly realising who he'd drawn comparison of Yuri to.

Yuri, Shin, Leon and Kimiga all simultaneously spat their drinks out into the faces of the people sitting in front of them.

Kimiga into Sakura, Shin into Lea, Yuri into Naruto-though he'd directed it that way- and Leon, also, into Naruto.

"Jeez, thanks" Sakura said and she wiped her face.

"Hey, what the hell Yuri, you f**king douche bag!" Naruto whined.

"Sorry Lea" Shin said sympathetically trying to help her clean her face.

"It's okay, Shin, it's okay. I know you didn't mean it. I hope. But stop trying to help. Your just making it worse" Lea said and Shin pulled his hands back with a look of disgrace painted across his features.

"He he, two people blew their drinks at Naruto" Leon giggled to himself.

Yuri smirked at this remark and chuckled lightly.

"It's not f**king funny!" Naruto whined once more.

"Your right. It's f**king hilarious!" Yuri replied with a wide grin.

"You find this funny?" Sakura said in a hateful tone, slowly turning to Yuri with anger planted across her normally beautiful face.

"Um... of course not, dear" Leon said timidly, trying to make a bad situation better but, of course, failing.

"Yes. We do Sakura. But only when it's Naruto. When it's you and Lea it's just sad. It ruins your beautiful face" Yuri said, his eyes getting a sudden twinkle to them and a background of flowers appearing behind him as he held Sakura's hand in a flirtatious way.

"Y-you think I'm... pretty?" Sakura said, suddenly shy and nervous.

"Why of course my dear. Who on earth wouldn't?" Yuri replied with that same background.

Sakura was left speechless.

"WHAT THE F**K!" Naruto exclaimed loudly, "can't you see he's deliberately flirting with you to get to of trouble?"

"Shut up Naruto! Yuri's far too sweet for that!" Sakura shouted and smacked him round the head.

"That's it! One more foul word out of you and your getting kicked out. This is a family bar and not for the likes of you, blondie!" the owner of the bar shouted.

A sweat drop flowed down his head and Naruto sat down in silence and disgrace.

"Jesus, bloody thuggish teens of today. Not like in my day!" the owner muttered to himself.

"Um... if you guys are done complaining in shouting, don't you find it strange how the three people who aren't form the village both simultaneously spit out their drinks when they heard the name 'Sasuke'. It's like they know something" Tsume said suspiciously.

"Hey! Shut up about my Yuri!" Sakura shouted and smacked him round the head.

"Ouchy!" Tsume complained earning odd looks.

"You sure you're not the queer one?" Shin said as if he were form the south.

"Wait, he's got a point. What do they know?" Lea said, rising from her chair slowly with fear.

"Yeah" Sakura remarked, listening to reason from her gal pal.

"What do you know, motherfuckas?" Naruto questioned.

"Nothing, he he, we know nothing... okay?" Shin said, shaking his ands wildly with sweat pouring down his face.

"They know something" Tsume said, getting up slowly off the ground he'd been smacked down on to by Sakura.

"We should tell them the truth. They've known us long enough. Maybe they'll accept it as our friends" Yuri said, rising from his seat dramatically.

"But Yuri-sama" Leon argued.

"No. It's time. The truth is..." Yuri said to add dramatic pause.

Then he grabbed Sakura and Lea and tied them to the table with a rope he pulled out from his cloak. Shin grabbed Tsume and Leon grabbed Tsume's cat while Kimiga grabbed Naruto and tied the three to the other table.

People started to scream and shout and race for the door. Yuri turned swiftly and blew fire out of his candy cigarette which blocked off the doorway making people scream even more and race around in panic like chickens.

"Everybody sit down and nobody gets hurt" Yuri screamed across the room.

People limped over to their tables, moaning, and sat down with their heads down.

"Good. Kimiga, secure the door" Yuri said and Kimiga waltzed to the door and leaned against the doorway giving looks of terror upon the cowering people.

Yuri's flashed to Sharingan and he looked into the eyes of all of his comrades. He told them that it was all a dream and when he clicked his fingers they would fall into a deep sleep caused by drinking alcohol.

"Hey! What the f**k do you think you're doing!" the owner shouted and he stomped over to them. His way was blocked by Shin's scythe.

"One more step and you die" Shin threatened.

Yuri walked over to him and did what he'd done to his comrades. Then repeated this action on everyone in the room bar Team Z.O.O.

Later Sakura awoke to the pale face and golden bangs of Yuri staring down upon her.

"W-what happened? How did I get in this bed?" Sakura asked.

"You had one too many beers my dear. Your immune system couldn't take it" Yuri replied, removing a lock of hair from her eyes.

"But I had this incredibly realistic dream where you suddenly attacked everyone and then... it's all a blur" Sakura replied, getting up and holding her forehead.

"It was all just a dream" Yuri replied.

"Where are we?" Sakura asked.

"At the inn. We'll continue our trip to the hidden mist once everyone else is up" Yuri replied.

"Oh, okay."

It turns out that similar conversations to this also took place between: Shin and Lea; Leon and Naruto; and Kimiga and Tsume.

They payed their stay and left the inn, continuing their travels to the hidden mist village. They were delivering a note to the Mizukage from the Hokage. Yuri was holding the note and thinking it might be battle plans Madara needed to know had read it while Sakura was asleep.

It said:

_Hey Mei Terumi,_

_How are you since the last time we met? That was fun. You sucking on my tits while licked and fingered your woman parts. And vice versa. Do you know what would of made it even better? Another woman. I met a woman who's up for it called Sofia. She's around your age. But she added it might be even better if we had a five some with another girl and boy. I told my pupil Sakura bout it and were going to add her crush, Yuri, to the mix(who Sofia also has a little thing for). I gave him this letter knowing he'd read it and his hormones would make him come. Come by the forest in between our villages the night you get this. Sakura's going to call me when we're all ready._

_See you then my foxy little brunette,_

_Tsunade 8-8_

And Yuri, of course was going to go to it. And bring Shin for support. And because he knew he'd earn a lot of money for this many MILFs. He told Shin about it in between reading it and Sakura waking up so they were all set for some hard core five-a-side porn. And for the first time in his life, Yuri was looking forward to it.

After all, these past few chapters have lacked him and his sexual adventures that makes this story. And there'd been far too much seriousness recently. With cannibals and all that.

TTFN.


	21. Chapter 21

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 21: Meeting the Mizukage

Yuri pulled out another candy cigarette and lit it again. He pulled on his fingerless gloves and threw his hood back down. He walked down the corridor to the rest of Team Neko, of whom were still waiting for Shin and Naruto.

"Naruto's doing a poo and Shin can't get his hair right" Yuri said to them simply.

"He can't get his spikes right? I always imagined they came out naturally from going to bed" Tsume replied.

"Well yeah. His spikes are just uncombed behead but he wants to comb his hair down and he dyed his hair yesterday" Yuri replied.

"What colour did he die it?" Lea asked.

"Green" Yuri replied with distaste.

"He dyed his hair green?" Sakura said, not believing it.

Yuri nodded in return.

"Green?"

"Yep."

"Green?"

"Yes" Yuri replied again but losing his short patience.

"Okay" Sakura replied, not quite sure whether or not believe it but didn't want to push Yuri further. Man could be scary when he wanted to.

Shin came down the corridor and as he came closer and his hair dawned upon them they gaped at him. There was nothing wrong with the style it had been flattened so that he gad bangs pushed to the side on his forehead and length at the back that went to the tip of his hood.

"What?" Shin asked.

"Your hair is green" Yuri replied, he was the only one not gaping at Shin's hair as they shared a room and he already has seen it last night.

"Oh. What's wrong with that?" Shin asked the others.

"Well it's not exactly a normal hair colour" Sakura replied, the first to get over it.

"And your hair is? Pinkie?" Shin replied.

"Touché" Sakura muttered with grit teeth.

"Look, we have a mission, now can we please get a move on" Yuri cried at the team, "we don't want to keep whatever is in this letter away from the Mizukage for too long or it could be too late."

"He's right" Shin said, backing him up. He hadn't been able to film himself and Lea as she wanted to wait until they were '_married_'. Which Shin wasn't too happy about but had got over it. His site needed more porn as people were beginning to turn to his rivals and a five some of one boy with four busty women would definitely sky rocket the ratings up.

Around an hour later they reached the land hidden in the mist. Tsume banged the knocked to let the guards know they were there.

A guard strolled over and asked through the slits in the gate "what do you want?" in a chav like tone.

"We're here to see the Mizukage. We have been sent here by the Hokage" Tsume replied.

"And what proof do I have?" the man replied.

"Our word" Yuri replied, taking over from Tsume.

"Not good enough, mate" the guard replied.

"Then it'll be very unfortunate when you lose your job for not letting the Mizukage get a letter that could help in winning the war against Akatsuki" Yuri replied.

"Um..." the man said, split in two minds, "... well I suppose... but what if... well I guess the Mizukage can deal with that... Come in."

"Why thank you. I'll give her a good word on you. Maybe you'll get a pay rise and-" Yuri said, leaning into whisper the next bit to him, "a treat. If you know what I mean." And leaned away with a wink.

The guard chuckled and muttered "I know what you mean. I know what you mean."  
Yuri smiled as they walked by the man into foreign lands. They walked through a town that was covered in mist. People gave them discourteous looks with hardened glares. As they picked out things form stores that matched the streets of the Leaf village. But something was missing.

"Hey! Where's the ramen store?" Naruto whinged.

"Shut up Naruto! You're being rude!" Sakura shouted and smacked him round the head.

"Ow! What the f**k, Sakura?" Naruto moaned and he held his head in pain.

"Don't swear!" Sakura shouted and smacked him round the head.

Sweat drops appeared on the heads of their teammates.

"God, we can't take those two together anywhere" Yuri said and shook his head.

"Agreed" Tsume agreed.

Yuri dragged Sakura away while Tsume dragged Naruto away. Naruto kicking and screaming while Sakura was at first till she realised who it was and instead leaned into him and relaxed.

"Sorry Yuri-kun" she said to him sweetly.

"It's alright. Don't let Naruto being an imbecile anger you, m'kay?" Yuri said.

"Okay. Yuri-kun, why do you smoke candy cigarettes and not real ones?" Sakura asked the question that you readers are all wondering (I know these things).

"Because I don't smoke" Yuri replied simply.

"Then why do you light it?"

"So I don't have to make hand signs during battle and have the fire ready to blow already. It's all very tactical" Yuri replied.

"Oh" Sakura said, it all now making sense.

They walked up glass steps with small holes in them which meant if you tipped the stairs up the water inside would fall out. At the top of the stairs was a house that looked like Tsunade's.

As Tsume knocked on the door, Yuri stopped him and gave him a look that said 'let me do it' and Tsume backed down. Yuri had already proved himself a better sweet talker than him before and decided that these sort of things should be left to Yuri in the future.

"Okay" Yuri said and turned back around to knock on the door.

The waited a few seconds before the door was answered. It was answered by Chojuro who was her house guard.

"Chojuro" Shin muttered with hate.

"Do I know you?"Chojuro asked.

"No" Shin said through gritted teeth, eyeing the sword on his back. Desperately wanting to say 'You did and wont for much longer. Die, motherfucka!'

"So, uh, why are you here?" Chojuro was going to say but he caught sight of Sakura and 'fell in love', "why hello my dear, I'm Chojuro and I am at your service. Whatever you need or if you need help, I will be there to help. You know I'm one of the seven swordsmen" he said, kissing her hand.

She laughed gently at took her hand back, "I'm Sakura."

Yuri raised his eyebrow and looked down upon the boy who looked around his age and wondered how such a weak looking child could be one of the legendary swordsman or even carry such a heavy sword.

"Sakura won't need your help if she needs help in a battle. We're here. Her team" Yuri told Chojuro.

"But what if you guys aren't strong enough and the help of a powerful swordsman" Chojuro replied, trying to have as much wit as the young Ugarte.

"Oh trust me, with me here, you'll only get in the way" Yuri said and then said, "aren't you going to ask why we're here?"

"Oh yes" Chojuro said with a chuckle, "why are you here?" he said, looking at Sakura with a smile.

"We've been sent here by the Hokage" Yuri replied, irritated by how the 'insolent child' wasn't looking at him. He found him even more annoying than Shin and Naruto! But, he supposed, he found them annoying for different reasons.

"Oh right, the Mizukage told me you were coming. She only wants to see the one carrying the letter. The rest of you should just stay outside till _he _gets back" Chojuro said, gritting his teeth at the mention of Yuri.

"Okay" they said.

Yuri walked past Chojuro, whispering to him: "Don't annoy me. Or you'll deeply regret it."

And proceeded past too fast for Chojuro to reply with a witty comment.

"I'm gonna go to the hotel Tsunade booked for us and get the rooms ready, I'll see you guys later" Sakura said and walked away.

"Wait, let me come with you" Lea called, skipping over.

"No, no. I'm going alone. Stick with Shin" Sakura said.

"Okay" Lea said slowly, stopping in her steps and walking back to Shin.

As got Sakura got ready to prance away she was interrupted by Tsume calling back to her.

"What's the name of the hotel?" he called.

"Za Sei Hosuteru(The Sex Hostel)" Sakura replied.

"Okay" he said as they sat down on the steps.

Yuri was in such a rush to get away he'd forgot to ask where the Mizukage's office was but presumed the large door saying 'Mizukage's Office' was where the office was. And it was.

He knocked on the door and a woman responded with a "Come in!" and he did so.

He walked over and sat down on the chair in front of her desk and handed her the letter.

"Why aren't you a pretty one" she said with a sweet smile and took the letter and opened it and began to read it. A smirk crossing her face as she read.

The Mizukage, Mei Terumi, has her golden hair in its usual ponytail but was not wearing the clothes she wore during the five Kage's Summit, but instead a dressing gown that exposed a large amount of cleavage.

She looked up and smirked at him, her eyes appearing to examine him. He looked back at her with a cold stare as he notice what she was wearing and blushed faintly so it couldn't be seen. This gave him a familiar bad feeling that he couldn't put his finger on.

"Have I caught you at a bad time. I'll leave" Yuri said and got up, as he was about to head for the door his arm was held in a tight grip making him turn his head back around.

"No, wait. Don't leave" Mei said, standing up.

Yuri noticed that her dressing gown had came undone so that he could see she was wearing a thong and nothing else underneath. He realised why this situation seemed familiar and gently cursed.

"Shit! Not this again!" he muttered to himself as he looked at her face and its large smirk.

"I'm gonna give you a wild ride" she said flirtatiously with a smirk and jumped over the desk at him, her dressing gown flying off revealing her naked breasts. They weren't as big as Sofia's or Tsunade's but were slightly bigger than Sakura's and Maria's.

She jumped on top of him with a wild smile and eyes as she kissed him hard.

He managed to see a window behind her that had a camera popping out against it with green hair behind it. Shin.

'_Typical_' Yuri thought to himself as his innocence was taken again by an older woman. He really should start getting restraining orders from women over the age of twenty-one. There was no point putting 'excluding family' as he had no family.

Shin smirk and praised himself for finding a window on the other side of the building and trusting his 'Yuri Sex Adventures Intuition' that never failed. Sadly for Yuri. Luckily for Shin and his porn sites' millions of viewers. '_Oh the joys of having such a good looking friend that no woman can resist his accidental charm. Why couldn't it have been given to someone who would embrace the charm? Like me!_' Shin thought to himself before giving all his focus back to another bit of Yuri fun.


	22. Chapter 22

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 22: Top of Ninja, class, d'oh!

Yuri left the Mizukage's compound shaking. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go tonight. Four crazy, horny women all of them trying to get a bit of him. Didn't quite sound as fun as it did before. It'd been too long since the last time he was raped and he'd forgotten what it was like. Thank God this had happened otherwise he'd be making the biggest mistake of his life tonight.

He saw Shin up ahead talking to the others. And knew what he was about to face.

"So, Shin..." Lea began, "if you were turned into a vampire would all your teeth get even sharper and longer as it looks like all your teeth are canines?"

"Well there's no such thing as vampires so what's the point in asking-"Leon tried to say but no one listened.

"Theoretically" Lea responded.

"I dunno. But you've raised an interesting point there. If, in order to straighten teeth with a brace, the dentist may have to remove teeth and normally the canines are removed. So does that mean that these individuals who have no canines cannot be turned into vampires and are therefore immune to them and the perfect people to send into kill a vampire?"

"Actually that's a good point, what would happen? I was pondering about that the other day" Naruto remarked.

"Sure you were" Shin replied and everyone laughed gently.

"Hey! I'm not stupid, m'kay? NOW RESPECT MY AUTHORITON!" Naruto cried in return.

"Dude, you just ripped South Park off twice. You could get sued for that. And if this were a story being written by someone they could get sued" Leon said.

And all of them turned around and faced the same direction with wide, expecting, eyes.

"Hey what you looking at, mothafuckas? Turn around. Dumb Japanese kids, teh" Niko SiMamu muttered.

And they turned around.

"Anyway, look, _Yuri's_ back" Shin said with a wide smirk.

"Hey Yuri, how was it? What did you talk about? What was in the letter?" Leon asked unexpectedly.

"I don't wanna talk about it" Yuri muttered.

"Wait, did he-, dude!" Leon exclaimed.

"He got raped again. I've got it on camera" Shin whispered to Leon.

"Shut the f**k up, Shin! I've finally realised who you remind me of. Jay from the Inbetweeners. You're always dreaming of sex, talking about it, making jokes out of it, making fun of those who get it and are actually living your dreams but the one time you get a girlfriend, she wants to wait a bit before you get some and you don't wanna lose her so you're forced to wait. Jealousy isn't a nice thing" Yuri said.

Everyone looked at Yuri with gaping mouths.

"Shin, is that true?" Lea asked, her eyes welling up in tears and she got up to run off.

"No, wait, don't listen to him! He's all pretty with no brain!" Shin cried back.

But it was no use. She was gone. Running away to cry to Sakura. And make it a sixesome.

Later the team all met up at the hotel where they were met with a glaring Sakura, sitting on a bed holding a whimpering Lea.

"Shin, how could you?" she said to Shin.

"It was the all pretty, no brain Yuri's fault" Shin moaned.

"You know I was top of my class at ninja school" Yuri said in passing, not realising what he'd said implied.

"Wait... you're our age, you're from the leaf village and you went to ninja school and yet you're supposedly a traveller. Top of our class was Sasuke who also shares some of your jutsus. And in Sasuke's Akatsuki team is a swordsman, a lightning black guy and a tall guy. Oh my God, why didn't I see it before? Y-you're Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said.

"Well done Mr. I'm so clever Uchiha. You've blown our cover. Again. Brainwash?" Shin moaned.

"Brainwash" Yuri replied and his flickered blood red.

"Oh no you don't!" Sakura shouted, "Come on Lea and Naruto, we've got to get out of here!"

"Juugo take Tsume. Zee take Naruto. Suigetsu take your gal. I'll take Sakura" Sasuke said, still in the Yuri guise.

Sasuke turned his arms to sand and blew them at Sakura, the sand taking the form of his arms and grabbing hold of her. She yelped in surprise as she was dragged back by her arms.

She tried to wriggle her way out but couldn't grab hold of anything and couldn't kick him till she reached him. And even if she kicked him there was no guarantee of the sand letting go of her.

Suigetsu curled his scythe around Lea and pulled her back. He slung her on to the bed and put the scythe to her neck.

"I'm sorry, baby. If you make one bad move, you're **dead**" Suigetsu said and leant down close to her, he could feel her heavy breath and smell her sweat.

"P-please Shin, don't do this" Lea said.

"Don't worry; you're not going to remember a thing once Sasuke's done with you" Suigetsu replied with a friendly smile.

As Juugo grabbed Tsume and forced him against the wall his cat jumped at Juugo.

"Wait, no kitty. Come back!" Tsume cried and the cat stopped and started washing itself on the couch, "Juugo, I'm the newest member of Akatsuki. I've been a ninja for ages. I joined after my father was killed in the war and he was not mourned but the losses of the Inuzuka's were. I've been an agent for a while and I knew I needed to join with you guys."  
"Really?" Juugo asked.

"Yeah" Tsume replied.

"Why didn't you say earlier?" Juugo asked.

"I wasn't sure you guys were Team Taka."

"Well okay" Juugo said and let him go, "let's help the others."  
Tsume nodded.

Sakura struggled to break free and as she got close to Sasuke she kicked him where only girls are allowed to go. But not their feet.

"Oh, shit!" he yelped.

As he raced away she found herself running into the hard chest of Juugo. She fell to the floor but before she could get up a giant form of Tsume's cat jumped on her, its teeth bearing down on her.

Zee spurted out electricity and shocked Naruto but Naruto kept on running. As he reached the door a katana sliced off the door knob so it couldn't be opened from the inside.

Naruto turned around to see Yuri holding his groin in pain with his other arm slung out as if he'd thrown something.

Zee then hit him in the stomach making Naruto wince in pain as he fell to the floor. Sasuke slowly got up and limped over to Naruto. He got close and gripped Naruto's chin. He looked into his eyes and made him forget everything and then knocked him out.

"Now for Lea" Sasuke said and strolled over to Lea.

She looked at him as Suigetsu walked away and watched from a distance. He looked into her eyes and made her forget all she needed too and then he knocked her out.

Sasuke finally went over to Sakura and looked at Tsume who called the cat back. Sasuke leant over Sakura and held her chin to stop her wriggling. She shut her eyes to stop him doing anything making him growl.

"Open your eyes" he whispered.

"No!" she shouted at him.

"Open your f**king eyes!" he shouted at her and pulled her eyes open and looked deeply into them and she forgot and finally was knocked out.

He placed her and Naruto alongside Lea on the bed. He looked at them before turning around swiftly and walking towards the other Akatsuki members.

"What lie are we going to tell them?" Zee asked.

"They all tripped over and got knocked out" Sasuke replied and walked over to the bathroom, "if you need me I'll be in the bathroom." And he opened the door and shut it.

"Trying to get rid of the dirtiness of having sex with the Mizukage" Shin joked.

"Shuddup Suigetsu, not now" Leon replied and turned the television on as the three of them crowded round the box with moving images being portrayed on its face.


	23. Chapter 23

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 23: Three and a Half Women

Yuri strolled down the path of the local woods. He could see Sakura a distance in front of him and knew Shin wasn't too far behind, with his camera. He turned and walked over to Shin.

"Shouldn't you be trying to win back your girlfriend?" Yuri asked.

"Probably" Shin replied as he carried on walking forward, Yuri turning back the way he came so he was, again, walking behind Sakura but next to Shin.

"Then why aren't you?" Yuri questioned.

"My fans need me" he said.

"Fans?" Yuri questioned once more.

"Those that watch you and all your gal pals" Shin replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"So you mean my fans?" Yuri remarked.

"Well if you want to look at it the self obsessed way, yes."

"Hey, I 'm not self obsessed, m'kay?" Yuri mumbled to himself and Shin, but mostly himself.

Shin chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Yuri interrogated.

"The others might think you're following Sakura, of which you are, as you're in _love_ with her. And think I followed you so I can capture some quality porn" Shin chuckled.

"Oh s**t, you're right! Sasuke Uchiha loves no one but himself, for himself is the only person he can trust!" Yuri said proudly.

"See, you are self obsessed!"

"Okay, maybe a little. M'kay?"

"Why do you keep saying 'm'kay'?"

"I've been watching too much 'South Park' lately."

"I see. Next up you'll be telling me to 'respect your authoritah'. "

"I shouldn't need to. You should respect my 'authoritah' naturally."  
"M'kay."

"Hey! Don't you start saying 'm'kay'! That's my thing, my thing. M'kay?"

"M'kay."

"Hey! What did I just tell you?"

"Not to say m'kay, m'k-"

"What the f**k did I just tell you?" Yuri cried.

"Not to say m'kay" Shin stated.

"Good boy" Yuri growled.

"M'kay then" Shin mumbled.

Yuri twisted his head slowly, "What was that?" he said as his eyes flickered crimson red with a black six pointed star with curved points(my interpretation of what his eternal mangekyou sharingan will look like) and veins started to make them self seen in the corner of his eye. "Ameterasu" he murmured.

Shin screamed and fell to the floor begging for forgiveness, "Please, please! Don't kill me! I'll never say m'kay again for the rest of my life, okay? See, I'm now saying okay! And don't kill me like that! It would be such a long and painful death. Couldn't you just slice my head off with your chokutō or fry my heart or brains with a chidori?"

"I could but you realise that after the head is sliced off the mind is still alive for around ten to twenty seconds" Yuri told him.

"Really?" Shin questioned

"Yep."

"But still, it's quicker than Ameterasu."

"I suppose."

The two went quiet as Yuri's eyes flickered back to onyx and Shin rose, sweat pouring down his face.

As they saw a clearing in the forest they saw four women all waiting for their man. Sofia was already naked, as usual, Tsunade and Mei were in their underwear and Sakura was just taking off her clothes now.

Yuri decided to just stop and watch them as Shin got his camera ready. Yuri was beginning to feel unsure about this. Was he becoming a man slut? Albeit he was resurrecting his clan this way, so some good comes out of it.

Mei strolled over to Tsunade and stuck her under Tsunade's bra. Tsunade smiled darkly at her and embraced her with a kiss, the tongues being introduced quickly.

"Dang, they work fast!" Shin exclaimed in a whisper to Yuri.

"Yeah" Yuri said, losing all doubts.

"Lucky b*****d!" Shin murmured which Yuri replied with a smirk and a wink as he strolled in.

"Yuri-kun" Sofia said sweetly as she fluttered her eyebrows and strolled over to him, "oh how I've missed you, my darling."

"M'kay..." Yuri replied.

Tsunade and Mei turned their attention to the young man and licked their lips. Tsunade whispered to Mei and suddenly they were totally naked with their clothes on the floor.

Sofia pulled Yuri cloak off while Tsunade pulled his trousers down. Suddenly Yuri realised what was going on and bit his lip. There was no going back now.

His face was smothered in breast many times, his mouth and hand felt many squishy things and his genital felt dry afterwards but he'd rejuvenated his clan in three and a half women- he wasn't sure if Tsunade had gone through the menopause yet.

Yuri settled down for bed with women all lying over him or in his arms. He was living every man's dream, right?

Yuri woke up the next morning in a bed, still naked, and lying next to Sakura, who was in his arms. He turned to her. She looked back at him and gave him a warm smile.

"Morning, dear" she said and kissed him.

She got out of bed, naked, and got dressed. He raised an eyebrow at the question of how he ended up here.

"Um, how'd I get here?" he asked Sakura.

"We took you home once you'd fallen asleep and did one more round with your body. Mostly the other three were Lezing out together and I lay by you. After a while they decided to head home. Tsunade and Sofia back to the Leaf Village, Mei back to her quarters" Sakura told him.

"I see. So I was raped in my sleep?"

"Not really. As I said, they were mostly Lezing out" she replied.

"M'kay..." Yuri said.

Shin got up and cranked his neck. It felt stiff like he'd been lying on hard ground all... night... "Oh dang, must've forgotten to go back after jacking off to my video. Quality stuff" Shin said as he rose from the hard ground he'd slept on.

As he got up and grabbed his side he felt something liquid yet solid-like. It was racoon crap.

"Oh s**t, come on! Why does it always happen to me since the writer made me more a prolific character than Naruto so I've taken Naruto's place as the one that bad stuff happens? Never Yuri, all the good stuff happens to him! And he doesn't even want it!" Shin cried in a tantrum and stormed through the forest sulking.

But going the wrong way.

Around an hour later Shin realised he'd gone the wrong way when suddenly he was at the sea. It then took him a further two hours to get back. They then set off to leave as it was time to go. They'd completed their 'mission'.

As they headed for the gate Yuri pulled out a candy cigarette and lit it.

"Only for stressful times" he said.

"What was so stressful?" Naruto asked; the only one Shin forgot to show the video to.

Shin showed him some of the video and he made an 'O' shape with his mouth. And that was that.

As they almost crossed the gate Mei ran to them and called "Wait!"

They stopped and turned. Yuri realising what was going to happen, as it seemed oddly familiar, said "Oh s**t" and accidentally spat out his cigarette, and repeated his last comment.

She ran over to him and embraced him in a tight hug, then gave him a long kiss. During which she took his hand and placed it on her breast and squeezed it. A token to remember him, and for him a token to remember her. She gave him one final hug before backing away.

"That lucky son of a bitch" Shin muttered, and the others made an agreeing sound.

As she opened her mouth to talk again one thought kept passing Yuri's mind. Throughout out the hug, kiss and breast squeeze he'd been thinking it. '_Please don't say she wants to come back with us... Please don't say she wants to come back with us... Please don't say she wants to come back with us..._' and etc.

"I'd like to come back with you. But only for a week or two. Just to strengthen our village's relations" she said.

"Oh crap!" Yuri exclaimed making them all turn to him, "Dropped my candy cigarette" Yuri said.

As the others turned away Leon and Shin laughed making Yuri glare at them, "Amet-" and they fell to the floor kissing his feet, making him smirk. The balance of power was restored.

"Well alright. I'm sure Lady Tsunade will be _very _happy to see you" Sakura said with a smirk that Mei returned with the same smirk.

"So let's go" Tsume said.

As they departed they were interrupted again. But by Chojuro.

"Wait! Sakura, my love!" he shouted.

"Oh, brother" Sakura cursed.

"Welcome to my world" Yuri muttered.

"Don't leave me Sakura, please" Chojuro begged. Sakura was speechless.

"Go home Chojuro" Mei said.

"No, my lord, I must get my love. You always taught me to fight for what I care about" Chojuro replied.

"M'kay then" Mei said.

"God, everybody steals my catchphrase!" Yuri muttered.

"Actually its Mr. Mackey's from South Park" Shin replied.

"Shut up. Not now!" Yuri told him.

"Alright, alright" Shin said in a joking manner.

"Amet-"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Shin said.

" I'm sorry, Chojuro. I love someone else. I'm sorry" Sakura told him, trying to be kind about breaking my heart.

"It's Yuri. Isn't it. I'll fight him for your affections!" Chojuro cried.

"Oh-" Yuri muttered.

"Don't worry, Yuri. I'll deal with this" Shin said and stepping to the front.

"No. Only Yuri" Chouro said.

"Only if you can beat me. You've got no chance if you can't beat me" Shin said.

"Very well. But I warn you. I'm one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist" Chojuro said.

"I know Chojuro, I know. Let's make this interesting. If I win I get your sword. If you win you can fight Yuri for Sakura's heart" Shin said.

"Very well. But don't worry, you'll never get my sword. Because you're going to lose" Chojuro remarked, cockily.

"Well okay then" Shin said and smirked, the two getting into fighting stances. And drawing their blades.


	24. Chapter 24

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 24: Suigetsu v Chojuro: Banter between Scrapes!

Suigetsu looked at his former comrade, Chojuro and smirked. What the boy in the glasses before him did not know was that the boy in front of him went by the name of Shin, presently, but was really his fellow ex-trainee of the seven swordsman.

"Yuri-san, please, can you give us some _alone _time" Suigetsu, or Shin, said.

"Dude, I thought you'd stopped pretending to be gay...?" Yuri replied.

Suigetsu's shoulder tensed as he replied distastefully "Yuri, as in me v him and no one else here."  
"No, I want dear Sakura to witness my victory and bath in my power" Chojuro _scraped_ (urban dictionary define: _when someone joins a conversation they're not welcome in they have __**scraped**__. Normally then being told to 'scrape out)._

"Scrape out, Chojuro" Suigetsu cried at him.

"Innit, just scrape out. Wait your turn, m'kay?" Sasuke told the scrape.

"Innit, blad" Suigetsu added.

"You're like Naruto" Sasuke said.

"Oy!" Naruto shouted.

"Exactly, scrape out" Sasuke told the boy.

"Would you lot stop talking like English gangsters and black people in England, respect your Japanese heritage, innit. I aint Japanese and I'm black so I can talk like these but you lot can't. Alright, 'cause if I hear another gangster word out your oriental little mouths I'm gonna shank you (urban dictionary define: _shanking is stabbing someone with a homemade knife)?' _Leon/Zee told 'd'em' lot.

"Sorry, Leon" Sasuke said, "and yeah, sure. Shin."

"Good" Suigetsu said with a smile.

Yuri's back turned to the group, his eyes a blood red with a hint of black. He shut his eyes and muttered the words "Tsukuyomi" and the scenery around Naruto, Sakura, Lea, Tsume, Juugo/Kimiga and Leon/Zee.

As the seven looked around there current whereabouts they raised an eyebrow.

"How the hell did we get here?" Naruto complained.

"It's genjutsu" Sakura told him.  
"But who's forming the genjutsu?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know" Sakura replied.

"What happened to them?" Mei Terumi demanded Sasuke/Yuri.

"They're in my genjutsu. Now shut up and watch. This is a battle between two of Yuri future warriors. A battle between the next generation of the seven swordsmen of the mist" Sasuke replied.

"What?" she asked confused.

"Change, Suigetsu" Sasuke said.

"Sui-?" Chojuro said as in a puff of smoke the boy who stood before him became a boy he'd known most his life. A boy he trained with to become the best.

"Chojuro-kun, it seems you've got something that belonged to my brother. I want it" Suigetsu said, looking at the blade on Chojuro's back.

"Your brother had all the swords!" Chojuro replied as he fended off the kick Suigetsu made at him with his left arm.

"True, but I need to add that sword to the scroll!" Suigetsu said as he pulled out the scroll his brother use to carry form under his robe.

"So what was that scythe you carried on your back- oh, it's Zabuza-senpai's Kubikiribocho (Decapitating Carving Knife)" Chojuro exclaimed.

"He he, my master's" Suigetsu said with his usual toothy smirk.

"So, uh, how many swords you got on there?" Chojuro asked with something that might've been a blush.

"Six!" Suigetsu replied with a toothy smile.

"So you just need mine?" Chojuro said.

"Yep. And I prefer to call it my brother's main one."

"I see. Don't think I'm worthy, 'ey?"

"It's one thought that passed through my mind. Not to mention I'm the Third coming" Suigetsu said.

"Zabuza-senpai, Mangetsu-kun and now you?"

Suigetsu nodded.

"Wow. A lot of pressure."

"Tell me about it!"

"I would but I don't have the experience to."

"It was a rhetorical question, Chojuro. Still haven't mastered when something's meant as a joke, 'ey?"

"Guess not."  
"Again, rhetorical question."

"Shuddup."

"Make me!"  
"Oh I will, mothafucka!"

"Um, you two ever gonna get to the fight or is the 'before battle banter' not over yet? Or is this 'During battle banter(Urban dictionary define: two or more people trying to par(Urban dictionary define: when something bad happens to you, or two people trying to insult the other worse for fun in banter's case) each other out. Verb form is 'PARtaking in banter but idiots who don't know how to par often say '_bantering_'. Disgusting, right?)?"

"Scrape out!" Suigetsu replied, kindly.

"Yeah, you hypocrite!" Chojuro added.

"To be honest, everyone is a scrape in some manner or form" Sasuke told them.

"True, true. Can't argue with someone who came top of their class but at the same time can be as stupid as Naruto" Suigetsu said.

"Suigetsu" Yuri said.

"Yeah?" Suigetsu replied.

"Shut up" Sasuke said.

"Sir, yes sir" Suigetsu replied once more.

"Do you want to f**king die?" Sasuke shouted.

"Caw, someone's on their period" Suigetsu muttered.

"Suigetsu" Yuri replied.

"Yeah?" Suigetsu asked.

"A. Met. Er. Asu."

"S**t!" Suigetsu said. But was too late.

Suigetsu was caught up in a ball of black flames that burned him to the extent his entire body became a rusty colour. As the black flames cleared there stood a very burnt, very brown (He he, Asian) and very frowny Suigetsu.

"What the f**k was that?"

"I did warn you" Sasuke replied.

"When?" Suigetsu cried, going all high pitched.

"Like... 1... 2... 3? 4? 5... 6... 7... 8... ... 9! Speech marks between us ago" Sasuke answered.

"Really?" Suigetsu asked.

"And he calls me, me, the stupid one" Sasuke murmured to Mei.

Mei chuckled.

"Hey! Don't you damn laugh at me, bitch. God. Women of today. Give 'em some rights and they become even bigger bitches. I mean, for God's sake, one of 'em's became the great Mizukage" Suigetsu said.

"And hokage" Sasuke added.

"Yeah but the Land hidden in the Water's a more macho nation than yours so having a women's more acceptable for you as you're pussies (Urban dictionary define: pussy- slang for a female's genital. Or- it means you're a coward). But because were so macho, for example Zabuza-senpai and Kisame-san, we should have some mega tough dude on top" Suigetsu educated him.

"Hey, who says I aint macho and tough. Just 'cause I'm a woman don't mean I aint tough. I could kick your ass any ay of the week. Except Friday night. That's date night + get naughty!" Mei told him.

"Oh man, I wish you'd get naughty with me, you're so freakin' hot" Suigetsu replied, drooling.

Mei smiled at him.

"And dream on, you couldn't take me. Anywhere but your bedroom, babe," Suigetsu told her, "and, exactly, it's 'cause you're a woman."

"Um, excuse me. Kind of in the middle of a fight here. Can you pick your fights later with him, I was first" Chojuro said to them, like the small unheard voice of a child.

"Scrape out!" the three of them said at once.

"God dammit!" Chojuro shouted and charged at Suigetsu. "Suigetsu-kun, you should never, I repeat, never turn your back on your opponent unless you want to lose!"

"Oh yeah, forgot about you" Suigetsu laughed.

As Chojuro came closer Suigetsu swung his sword around and as the massive decapitating knife came into contact with Chojuro he was sent flying across the ground into a nearby wall of genjutsu (guess who's!).

"Ah sheizer, you've gotten strong" Chojuro whimpered.

"Damn right. Now, are you gonna get up and get your butt whooped again or are you gonna stay down and take your loss like a woman?" Suigetsu laughed with a toothy smirk.

"Again with the sexist remarks!" Mei muttered to Sasuke who nodded with agreement.

When your mother was an Uchiha who could kick most the men of the village's 'manly' behinds you're going to grow up as a feminist and Sasuke. Though he didn't believe in stereotype shouting girls who fall easily in love till he met Sakura which almost changed his views. Almost.

"Suigetsu, I will not allow you to defeat me for I have a dream..."

"Yeah, yeah. We've all heard it. You have a dream where black children play with white children and nothing is thought of it. Where colour and race mean nothing. You have a dream where everyone is equal. Whatever and whoever you are. Well sorry, too late. Martin Luther King Jnr. Beat you to it. And you know what happened to him, the last man to have a dream like that? He got shot. So if I was you, I'd be quiet about your 'dreams' and do what other men do. Talk about what gave them a wet dream. But only if it involves a woman. Not if it involves a man. If it involves a man you'll get beaten up" Sasuke reminded Chojuro.

"No! My dream is to reform the seven swordsmen and return to their former notorious greatness" Chojuro corrected him.

"Oh" Sasuke murmured, suddenly feeling like the idiot Suigetsu calls him.

"Idiot" Suigetsu muttered to him.

"Hey, shut up. 'less you wanna burnt even worse next time. And I thought water puts out fires" Sasuke said.

"How do you think I'm alive" Suigetsu remarked.

"Oh" Sasuke said again but without a reply.

"You know, Chojuro, I also share that dream. How about when this is all over and I'm done with the thicko over there. We put our dreams together and put them into action?" Suigetsu asked him.

"I'd like that" Chojuro replied, "but I believe that you'll have to win this first" Chojuro said getting into a fighting position.

"He he, m'kay" Suigetsu said, also getting into a fighting position.

"Hey! What did I say about that word?" Sasuke shouted from a 'distance'.

"Not now! Busy!" Suigetsu replied.

"M'kay. But later, you'll feel my rath!" Sasuke laughed evilly.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure I will" Suigetsu said and turned to Chojuro.

"Bitch" Sasuke muttered.

"Not now!" Suigetsu shouted making Sasuke jump.

And then Chojuro and Suigetsu jumped. But at each other as the battle of the next generation of the great seven swordsman took place.


	25. Chapter 25

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 25: Suigetsu v Chojuro: Lightning Sharks

As the two swordsman clashed blades the thrust of each other knocked them back a few feet. Suigetsu winked at Chojuro, Chojuro raised an eyebrow and a water clone of Suigetsu wrapped its arms around him making him immobile.

"What the Beelzebub?" Chojuro cried.

Chojuro was a wide open target to Suigetsu. Sugietsu could end this with one swipe of his mighty Kubikiribocho.

Suigetsu charged at Chojuro but as he came closer Chojuro swiped his feet up and kicked Suigetsu's blade up in the air. As Suigetsu fell forward Chojuro did a forward flip and threw the water clone into Suigetsu. The water clone turned to water and Suigetsu looked up with clenched teeth.

"You've got a lot stronger since we were kids" Suigetsu muttered.

"I'd hope so. I am a swordsman of the mist now" Chojuro replied.

"Just shows how low our country's stepped" Suigetsu mocked.

"You'll eat those words by the end of this battle" Chojuro said and kicked Suigetsu up the chin.

Suigetsu's head turned to water and Chojuro kicked through nothing but water. As Suigetsu's head materialized he jumped away "might wanna do the same if you know what's best for you!"Suigetsu told Chojuro.

"Wh-?" Chojuro said but a skin cell in front of him landed Kubikiribocho.

Chojuro stared at the blade's silver tone with a gaping mouth. That sword could've landed on, and killed, him.

"I told you so" Suigetsu with a smile and a wink.

"Shut up you cocky a*****e" Chojuro shouted at the wet headed Suigetsu.

"Hey, you'd be cocky too if you owned the most popular porn site in the country" Suigetsu shrugged.

"That's because it's the only porn site in the country that isn't cartoon hentai" Chojuro responded.

"Touché" Suigetsu replied.

Chojuro smirked at him; "it appears I'm now in the possession of your blade" Chojuro smiled.

"No. You're in possession of _**one**_ of my blades. I'm just gonna summon another one!" Sugietsu said.

And Suigetsu pulled out the scroll once more and proceeded to take part in the ritual of summoning one of the legendary blades.

"It's time to get a little bit..." Suigetsu muttered, "... _**shocking**_!"

And Ameyuri Ringo's(or Raiga Kurosaki if you count anime filler) Kiba blades appeared in Suigetsu's hand.

"Cool" Chojuro murmured.

Suigetsu jumped into the air and scraped his blades together and the fangs of lightning shot out at Chojuro. Chojuro remained fixed in the spot with wide open eyes.

"Whoa" he murmured as he marvelled at the power the other seven swordsmen's blades possessed.

As the lightning struck Chojuro head on Suigetsu fell back to the ground and looked at where Chojuro last stood.

There was nobody there.

"What the f**k?" Suigetsu cried as he was met with the point of Hiramekarei as it struck his back.

The sound of the crack in Suigetsu's back was only beaten by the scream and yelps that echoed through the lands that were 'sung' from Suigetsu's mouth.

"I win" Chojuro said with a smile, "now. Yuri-sama. Let's dance."

"No!" Suigetsu cried from the floor he lay on as he tried to get up but kept falling back down.

"Take your beating like a man and don't make an even bigger fool of yourself" Chojuro mocked.

"F**k off, Chojuro. I... am the third coming... of the demon! I will not... disappoint my predecessors... Zabuza-sensei and my dear brother... Mangetsu!" Suigetsu said as he rose from the ground, his spine being supported with the water from the area around him. Grass dying for him.

"You don't deserve the same surname as Mangetsu-senpai. He was far above you. And you are not worthy of the title 'the Third Coming'" Chojuro scolded.

"You're Mangy-kun's little brother?" Mei asked.

"Yeah, if you mean Mangetsu Hozuki. I don't know a Mangy" Suigetsu replied.

"He was," Mei began, "my lover."

"Really?" Suigetsu asked.

"Yes!" she cried.

"I see" Suigetsu said.

"I became Mizukage as he wanted to become Mizukage before he died" Mei replied.

"Okay, but can I get back to my fight please?" Suigetsu asked.

"Yeah, sure" Mei replied.

And they did so.

Suigetsu made some hand signs and Zabuza and Ameyrui's swords were returned to the scroll.

"I didn't want to have to do this to you, Chojuro. But this battle has gone on long enough. It's time for _**Samedha**_!" Sugietsu said as the sword that was once owned by the notorious partner of Itachi Uchiha, Kisame Hoshigaki, appeared in his hands.

"Oh s**t!" Chojuro cursed.

Suigetsu ran at Chojuro and with a swipe of his sword Chojuro's face was almost ripped off and blood was shed everywhere.

Chojuro lay on the ground, blood everywhere.

"Sorry, Chojuro-kun" Suigetsu whispered.

"You might wanna get him to a doctor, guess you can't come with us then" Yuri said to Mei.

"Guess so" she replied and scooped Chojuro up and took him to the village's hospital.

"Didn't know the village had a hospital. We were always to hard for one. Guess it's what happens when you put a _woman_ in charge, 'ey?" Suigetsu joked.

"No" Sasuke replied.

"Aren't you worried about her telling our secret? She knows who I am" Suigetsu asked Sasuke.

"No, something tells me she won't. As a last debt to your brother" Sasuke, "now get back to Shin. I'm releasing the others" Sasuke ordered Sugietsu.

"Yes, sir" Suigetsu responded.

As night fell upon the village hidden in the leaf and Team Neko returned home safely, and to Sasuke's delight, without Mei. A masked man ran across the tops of the village houses.

He jumped down from the Hokage's house and entered.

"You called?" the masked man said in a familiar accent.

His mask was like an ANBU mask but silver, it had no eye holes but sunglasses glass in front of his eyes. There were holes in the shape of tomoes like on Madara's mask but where his mouth is and not eyes and were smaller. He had long brown hair with a ponytail that hang over the back of the strap that held his mask over his face. He wore a black hoodie with no sleeves and baggy trousers with shoes like the ones Akatsuki wear. He wore fingerless gloves and had a sword tied to his back.

"Yes. Another strange animal sighting. And killing. We need you to find and deal with the animal and deal with it. It was seen around the farm" Tsunade told him.

"Yes, lord Hokage" he replied.

"Make sure you don't get killed. You might be young but you're our best secret agent, Chokutō" Tsunade told him.

He nodded and left.

He was met by three other similarly masked men. One of them had a large scroll on his back, another had dreadlocks and the last one was tall.

"Sasuke, why are we doing so much for this god forsaken village?" the one with the scroll whined.

"Because Madara wants to find out about the animals too" the one called Chokutō replied.

"What makes them so strange?" the one with the dreadlocks asked.

"They have ninja powers" Chokutō replied.

"Dang" the one with dreadlocks replied.

"Now, let's go deal with this animal. And maybe we'll find some answers to where they're coming from" Chokutō told them and they jumped to the buildings above and proceeded to run into the night sky, chasing ninja animals.


	26. Chapter 26

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 26: The beginning of... Zed!

The four knights of the nights soared across the small houses of the local leaf village residents. Each house only grazed gently by the tip of their toe, except for the one with the scroll on his back.

The one with the scroll on his back was lagging behind a couple of houses, after every few houses having to stop to take a breather.

"Sasuke, wait up!" the one with the scroll on his back called out.

"Shuddup Suigetsu, it's your own fault" the leader cried back.

"But Sasuke!" the one called Suigetsu moaned.

While the others hair flew through the wing Suigetsu's, or Shin's, hair sagged on his head as he was never able to pick up enough speed for it to fly in the wind. His green locks seeming insolent compared to his compatriots' hair.

"Suigetsu what the f**k have I told you about mimicking South Park?" Sasuke cried.

"He was mimicking South Park?" Zee asked.

"The way his voice went all high while he was moaning is like Cartman moaning to his mother" Sasuke replied.

"Oh yeah" Zee replied.

"You know, Zee," Suigetsu began as he tried to change the subject, "your name should be 'Zed' not 'Zee'."

"What?" Zee replied.

"Well, like other known people from the land of lightning, your name is based off a letter. And in your case that letter is 'Z'. But 'Z' is said 'Zed' not 'Zee'. Only in _America _do they say 'Zee', all other English, and other languages, pronounce it 'Zed'. And it's supposed to be 'Zed'. So your name should be 'Zed', not 'Zee'" Suigetsu explained.

"My name is Zed" Zee replied.

"Then why do people call you Zee?" Suigetsu asked.

"My uncle Bee called me 'Zee' because he likes to say things the American way, being a rapper and all" Zed explained.

"So should we just call you Zed from now on?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah, I think I'd prefer that. As, as you know, I have some problems with my uncle. He was the reason I joined Akatsuki" Zed answered.

"Yeah, you didn't like how he made you rap (was that the reason? I can't remember!)" Juugo said quietly.

"Lol" Suigetsu laughed. Out loud.

"Lol? Really?" Sasuke moaned.

"Yep, guess so," Suigetsu replied, "Lol."

"Why can't you just... I don't know... laugh. Like normal people do" Sasuke asked in his usual tone towards the show's resident _idiot_.

"Some people just say giggles or chuckles or '_**most**_ humorous'" Suigetsu replied.

"Yeah but that's some people. Only idiots like you, and maybe Naruto, say _Lol_" Sasuke scolded.

"Well I guess I'm an idiot then" Suigetsu said, proving Sasuke's point.

"Glad we agree!" Sasuke replied _joyfully_.

"Dammit!" Suigetsu cursed as he realised he'd set himself up for it.

During the time that the team had been verbally battling they'd reached a hill top where a low grumbling growl from behind them made their hearts do back flips and the hair on the back of their neck stick up as a shiver went down their spine.

"Get ready. Some of us may not see the end of this fight" Sasuke said as red eyes flickered from behind bushes. And they weren't sharingans.

"Wait, what? We might die? Well, I'm ou-... S**t!" Sugietsu complained as a giant rabid dog jumped on him, teeth bearing down, and saliva coating Suigetsu's face.

"Suigetsu!" Zed cried as he bit his thumb and stroked the tattoo on his arm that meant he could use his grandfather's lightning. Otherwise known as the Third Raikage's lightning.

Lightning startled to form from his fingertips and circle his body, his dreadlocks standing pu on ends like lightning bolts.

"I thought only Darui could do that?" Sasuke asked.

"Who do you think taught me?" Zed replied.

"Oh" Sasuke murmured.

"Could someone f**king help me!" Suigetsu shouted at his comrades.

"Oh, right. That's why I summoned the lightning!" Zed said as a light bulb popped up above his head.

Zed raced across at the dog but was met by two slightly smaller rabid dogs jumped out before him.

"S**t!" he muttered as he used his lightning to shock the two as he carried on running at Suigetsu and his new playmate.

Zed went shoulder first into the dog as the lightning connected with the dog and shocked his heartbeat into paralysation. Zed got up as the lightning surrounding his body dispersed and his dreadlocks fell back on the sides of his head.

Suigetsu got up slowly and clicked his shoulder into place while groaning.

"Stop acting like a baby" Sasuke said to Suigetsu.

"Shut up, man. It really hurts! Like, really!" Suigetsu replied with distaste.

"To be fair it probably does. That dog was big and wasn't exactly being gentle" Juugo said, speaking up for Suigetsu's right.

"Exactly!" Suigetsu whined.

"Shut up ya dirty dog chowder!" Sasuke shouted at Suigetsu unsympathetically.

"F**k you" Suigetsu mumbled to himself.

"What?" Sasuke shouted, slapping Suigetsu round the head.

"I said: F**k... you" Suigetsu replied, Sasuke replying with a sympathetic kick up the behind.

"Owe! Bitch!" Suigetsu whined.

"Now, _what _did _you __**say?**_" Sasuke growled into his ear as he held him by his green locks.

"I said: 'Sasuke is the best looking guy ever but also the kindest and strongest ninja ever. And I'm a stupid little gay twat who's totally jealous of his lord Sasuke, who he really has a man crush on'" Suigetsu replied as tears welled up in his eyes.

"Um... yeah... though I don't think the whole man crush thing was needed. M'kay?" Sasuke told him.

"Yeah... okay... I thought so too but did it just to be sure... now, please... can you let go of my hair? It really hurts!" Suigetsu replied in a whisper.

"A lot of things apparently hurt according to you, ya pussy" Sasuke said let go of Suigetsu's hair.

"Thank you" Suigetsu whispered as he started to cry.

"Dude, I think you were a bit over the top there" Zed told Sasuke.

"Yeah, I think I did" Sasuke replied.

"Maybe you should sorry?" Zed told him.

"Maybe I should."

"But will you?"

"Probably not, but I'm sure he'll get over it" Sasuke answered but was interrupted by a claw scraping down his back, cutting his sentence off with a yelp of pain.

"Sasuke..." Zed partially cried.

"Dude, a little help over here!" Sasuke shouted.

"Yeah, I don't know. I think the world will be a safer place if you're not around and, like, dead" Zed replied.

"If you have those views upon me why did you join the Akatsuki?" Sasuke cried.

"I thought I already told you. My relationship with my uncle" Zed answered.

"Ah, f**k you! Juugo!" Sasuke shouted.

"Coming, lord Uchiha!" Juugo replied as evolved...

_Di Di Di  
Digimon Digimon_

Di Di Di  
Digimon Digital Monsters  
Digimon are the Champions

Digimon Digital Monsters  
Digimon are the Champions

Change into Digital Champions to save the Digital World

As these meaningful lyrics rattle through the winds as Juugo turned into cursed seal version 2. Sasuke, Zed and Suigetsu all exasperating at the sudden echo of the Digimon theme song rattled their ears.  
"What the f**k?" They all shouted in unison as their eyes bulged out of their eye sockets in surprise.

"Oh blast, that's my ringtone!" Juugo said as he answered his phone.

"What the f**k?" The three of them cried once more in unison but without their eyes jumping out of their heads. After all, their eyes were already on the floor now.

"Oh hey Sakura, how are you... good? I'm glad... oh me? Well, I guess I'm good t-, no I can talk. Sure, tell me anything you want. So... hmm... oh... you poor thing... no, I totally understand. And yes, if I see him I'll tell him that you're sick of these meaningless_ flings_ and that you now want something serious. No more threesomes. Okay? Good. Okay, see you, darling... bye!" Juugo said into his phone and hung up and put it back in his pocket.

"Dude, I knew you were gay!" Suigetsu called.

"What gives you that impression?" Zed asked.

"Well he's clearly the girls' gay best friend. Just like I used to be but not faking and not very good at it... wait, are you using my plan to get with my ex, Lea?" Suigetsu suddenly cried.

"No! Oh god, no! And I'm not gay. Just a gentleman friend who's there to help and hear his friends' problems and try to help them solve them" Juugo told Suigetsu.

"Yeah, definitely gay" Zed murmured to Suigetsu.

"See, I told you" Suigetsu replied, "can't go against my gay-dar" Suigetsu said, suddenly pulling out a strange mechanical device.

"You carry around a gay-dar?" Zed asked.

"Helps me know who to make sure never to go to the toilet with or go anywhere where you need to go in a changing room" Sugietsu replied.

"Ah, I see" Zed said.

"Hey, I'm not gay!" Juugo cried.

"Sure, sure" Suigetsu laughed.

Juugo growled at him but turned to Sasuke, "Now, before I help you I need to tell you something."  
"Glad you've finally got your priorities straight. Helping me" Sasuke replied with distaste.

"Yeah, yeah, " Juugo said, "but anyway, Sakura says she wants something serious rather than _flings_ and _ threesomes_ and that if you don't co-operate then it's over between the two of you."  
"What's over? Since when did we have anything? And that's only to Yuri right? So _Sasuke_ still has a chance" Sasuke replied.

"Yeah, to Yuri" Juugo said.

"One of the signs of madness is referring to yourself in the third person" Zed told Sasuke.  
"Yes, well, not many people currently go by two names" Sasuke replied.

"True" Zed said.

"Now, let's help Sasuke-san!" Juugo said and clenched his fists together.


	27. Chapter 27

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 27: MonsterBusters!

As Juugo punched the rabid dog in the face, sending it flying, Sasuke got up and spat on the floor in disgust.

"What the f**k do you call that?" Sasuke shouted, "I could've died there!"

"I f**king wish you had!" Suigetsu replied.

"Oh really?" Sasuke said as a blood red shine overtook the centre of the eye glass on his mask.

"Yeah" Suigetsu replied once more, he and Sasuke's heads clashing.

"Calm down. Stop acting like children" Juugo told them as he'd finished dealing with the creature.

Sasuke sighed and walked away.

"That's what I thought, run away pussy boy" Suigetsu chortled.

Sasuke turned back and glared at him through the eye glass sockets of his mask, "wanna repeat that?" he asked.

"Nah, I'm good" Suigetsu said, shaking is hands wildly in the air.

"That's what I thought" Sasuke said.

Suigetsu muttered something before following his team into the bush with the red eyes.

"So we're going directly to the monsters? Jeez, aren't we smart" Suigetsu said sarcastically.  
"Shuddup" Sasuke told him.

They entered the bush, of whose red eyes had recently disappeared since the downfall of one of their own.

There was nothing on the other side of the bush except for a...

"Look. There's a cave. They probably went in there" Zed said, pointing towards a cave to the left.

"So were gonna go inside somewhere where there's probably only one exit and the exit's also the place you enter? Great" Suigetsu moaned.

"Got any better ideas?" Sasuke asked him.

Suigetsu remained silent.

"Good. Now, let's enter" Sasuke said and led the way inside the cave.

Zed followed behind and then Juugo. After a deep sigh Suigetsu also followed, filled to the gut with fear.

"I am too young to die" Suigetsu murmured.

"No you're not. You're never too _young _or too _old _to die. Age is only a number. You can die at any time and it won't be too early or too _late_. We all have our time. It's all... destiny" Sasuke told him.

"Deep" Zed said.

"So when your parents were killed by your brother was that _**their**_ time and _**their **_destiny?" Suigetsu asked.

"No" Sasuke replied and, just like that, the conversation was over. Even if Suigetsu wanted to reply, and he did, he knew he couldn't as anything said on the subject would remain unanswered and_ ignored_.

Multiple deep growls and groans echoed through the cave making the hair on the back of Suigetsu's neck stick up and a shiver go down his spine, forcing him to shiver and clutch himself.

"_Fuck_" Suigetsu whispered to himself in a shiver.

"Control yourself. You're not going to die. I won't let you die" Juugo said.

"Unless your die first" Zed said.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, _mate_" Juugo replied.

"You're welcome" Zed said with a smile.

"It's so dark" Sasuke said and suddenly a blue light in the form of a sword lit the cave.

"Turn it off! Turn it off!" Suigetsu shouted as they saw that they were surrounded by different, but equally vicious, creatures.

"Okay, okay. It's off" Sasuke shouted as the blue light disappeared.

"Good" Suigetsu exasperated.

"You know the creatures are still there. Just because the light's off doesn't mean they'll disappear. And worse still if the light didn't alert them of our presence Sasuke shouting will have" Zed told the others.

"Shit!" Suigetsu cursed aloud.

"And that, I'm sure, would alert them further to our existence" Zed muttered.

"Sheizer!" Suigetsu cried.

"Maybe you should just be quiet" Sasuke said.

As Suigetsu readied himself for a comeback he stopped and thought about it, and finally, he concurred.

"Wanna run?" Zed asked Sasuke.

"No. We have a mission and we must complete it. You chose to sign up for Akatsuki and so must ply the consequences and understand you won't be immune to death. It's most probable that you'll die _because_ you're in the Akatsuki" Sasuke replied.

"Fuck!" Suigetsu and Zed cried in unison.

The creatures leapt silently from the walls of the cave and jumped on to the young ninjas. Sasuke pulled his chokutō out and sliced one of them in two. Finishing off with a lightning charge that obliterated many of the creatures surrounding him and creating a light to help the others fight.

"Shit!" Suigetsu shouted as he sliced and diced a creature with Zabuza's decapitating knife.

"We need to get through them and find out where they're coming from and what's making them so aggressive or, if rumour has it, what's giving them their supposed ninja abilities that we're yet to see" Sasuke told his team.

"Agreed" Zed replied.

As they charged through the creatures before them one of them breathed out a ring of fire, surrounding Taka.

"Shit!"Suigetsu cried once more.

"Calm down!" a familiar voice shouted from behind them.

"Sakura?" Sasuke said.

"Yuri-kun" she replied.

"What are you-and Naruto and Tsume and Lea-doing here?" Sasuke questioned.

"Tsunade sent us as she felt a secret OPS team needed Team Neko's help. But we couldn't find you guys. Never would've guessed _**you**_ were the secret OPS team!" Sakura answered.

"I see, well, be careful and make sure you don't die. Now, are any of you able to rid us of this ring of fire?" Sasuke replied.

"I can!" Suigetsu cried.

"Then why didn't you do so before instead of cursing!" Sasuke shouted at his incompetent comrade.

"Didn't cross my mind" Suigetsu replied.

"I swear to God, if I don't kill one of these things soon I'm going to kill you soon because you are so freakin' stupid!" Sasuke shouted, his temper almost lost for eternity.

"Now, now. If you're gonna shout I won't help. Dick" Suigetsu told him.

Sasuke glared at him.

"Okay, time to put out the fire" Suigetsu replied and as he walked around the pit of fire in his water form he put out the ranging flames.

"Thank you" Sasuke exasperated.

"You're welcome, now, was being nice that hard?" Suigetsu responded.

Sasuke did not answer but proceeded to kill several creatures with a bolt of lightning.

"He wasn't kidding. He really was going to kill something" Zed muttered to Juugo who nodded in response.

The team drove their way through the creatures, right to the end, facing the combat of ninja creatures numerous times but each time ending victorious as per usual.

"Did you give Yuri the message, Kimiga?" Sakura asked Juugo.

"Yep" he replied.

"Thanks" she thanked.

Sasuke yelped as one of the creatures drove a long scar from his front to his back. As he held his shoulder in pain as this was where the scar had gone across he looked up with the eternal mangekyou sharingan in his eyes. He ripped off his mask and threw it to the ground.

"Yuri, stop" Zed shouted.

Sasuke sighed and stopped, putting his mask back on. He made some hand signs and made a mistake that you may remember from a past chapter, involving a mask and fire. Yes, he performed fire ball jutsu with his mask on. Fool.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!" he shouted over and over again as he tried to pull his mask off but the strap was playing up. Of course.

"Yuri!" Sakura exclaimed and helped pull his mask off.

"Thanks" he whispered as he breathed deeply. He felt as if he'd smoked for the first time.

Sasuke pulled out a candy cigarette and breathed into and then out of it. A burst of dragon like fire filled the cave. Suigetsu protected the team by covering them with his watery body.

Burnt bodies of the creatures lay across the cave, the ninjas looking at each one as they proceeded through.

They soon saw a neon light at the end of the cave where static sounds echoed around them. As they neared closer they saw a woman and many test tube like machines holding more creatures inside of them. She was putting chemicals inside and right before their eyes the creatures got bigger and had, what looked like, chakra around them.

"What the f**k?" Sasuke muttered.

The woman turned around and, much to their surprise, looked like a female Orochimaru but younger.

"What the f**k?" Sasuke muttered slightly louder.

"Indeed" Suigetsu replied in a whisper.

"I know you're there" the female Orochimaru said with a slight hiss.

"S**t!" Sasuke exclaimed.

"And I know that you're Akatsuki's team Taka in disguise" she told them.

"S**t!" Sasuke repeated.

"Yuri-kun, are you... are you Sasuke-san?" Sakura asked Sasuke.

"No, no. Of course not," Sasuke replied, "she's lying, clearly."

"No she's not" Naruto said.

"Wait, what? How do you know?" Sasuke exclaimed.

"You never brainwashed me before like the others with your sharingan. The nine-tailed fox's charka protected me" Naruto answered.

"And I'm not an Akatsuki spy" Tsume added.

"You c**t" Sasuke said to Tsume.

"How did she know?" Zed said.

"Kabuto-san told me before his death" she said.

"What's your name?" Zed demanded.

"Sunēku no on'nanoko" she replied.

"Snake girl" Juugo added.

"Sunēku, who are you? And why are you creating these creatures?" Sasuke asked.

"I am the daughter of Orochimaru and I was created in a test tube and using Anko and Orochimaru's DNA by Kabuto-san before his death," she replied, "and I'm creating these creatures to continue my father's work and get his revenge on how this forsaken village treated him."

"How old are you?" Sasuke asked, "As Anko's only twenty-six or twenty-seven."

"I'm only three in human years but have aged quicker because of how I was made so that I look sixteen. I was meant to be my father's new body but Kabuto died before the transformation could take place."

"S**t" Sasuke murmured as this girl probably inherited her father's infatuation for him.

"Now, time for me to take the power of the Uchiha" she said.

"Shit!" Sasuke cried.


	28. Chapter 28

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 28: Secrets

"So you want my eyes? How _**un**_-original" Sasuke said.

"However there will be a difference to my father's work," Sunēku said, "I'll succeed."

Sunēku had her maternal donor's very dark brown eyes but with Orochimaru's purple outline and slit pupil. Her skin wasn't as white as Orochimaru's but it was still very white. She had long dark flowing hair like the old snake paedo too. She wore a black loose kimono with a large amount of cleavage exposed- like Tsunade.

"Don't be so sure" Sasuke said.

"Please, perform the shadow clone jutsu for me, Sasuke" Sunēku said.

"Why?" Sasuke demanded.

"Just do, please" she answered.

"Okay" he said and he performed the jutsu.

As he did so his body turned back to Sasuke and to his side was Yuri.

"''Sup, Sasuke" Yuri said.

"Yuri's taken up his own personnel and body. He's now the third Uchiha in existence" Sunēku told them.

"Cool!" Suigetsu said and also performed the shadow clone jutsu to the same effect, as did Juugo and Zed.

"You've been playing these characters so long they're now real people" Sunēku explained.

Yuri smirked at Sasuke before suddenly drawing out his chokutō and striking out at Sasuke. Sasuke jumped back and drew his own blade.

"What the f**k?" he cried.

"Yuri's a leaf ninja and so despises Akatsuki and wishes to kill you" Sunēku explained once more.

"I see" Sasuke replied.

"Come now, Leon, Shin and Kimiga. We must leave. We must make our own existence and become as renowned as our predecessors- Taka" Yuri told the clones.

"Where will you go?" Sasuke asked.

"To form our own group against the Akatsuki" he replied as he bent down and picked up the chokutō mask, "I believe this is mine."

"See you later" Sasuke called as Yuri and the clones left.

"One more thing," Yuri said, turning slightly, "tell Sofia to 'call me'."

"Will do" Sakura replied.

"Thank you. I'm sorry it didn't work out between us but you love Sasuke. Not me" Yuri replied.

"So are you the good side and I the bad?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes, yes I suppose I am. For now" Yuri answered and left in a path of smoke with his fellow clones.

"Well, that was awfully queer" Suigetsu said.

Sasuke looked at his hands as he put his blade back in its sheath. He exclaimed. On the knuckle of his right middle finger, beneath his Akatsuki ring (same ring and finger as Itachi), bore a kanji seal that meant he could never use shadow clone jutsu again.

"Taka, check your Akatsuki ring fingers" Sasuke called.

Suigetsu checked his left ring finger (Kisame), Juugo checked his left index finger (Hidan) and Zed checked his left middle finger (Kakuzu), their clones also having these rings.

"S**t!" Suigetsu exclaimed as he saw the seal.

"I see you all have rings," Sunēku said, "as well."

"Wait, what?" Sasuke exclaimed.

She raised her left little finger (Orochimaru) where an Akatsuki ring was placed.

"Are you a member of the Akatsuki?" Sasuke queried.

"How else would I get the material needed to carry out these experiments?" she answered.

"Prostitution and Porn movies" Suigetsu replied.

"It was a rhetorical question" Sunēku sighed.

"You know, for Orochimaru's daughter, you're kind of hot" Suigetsu said.

"R-really?"Sunēku responded, blushing redder than a normal girl because of her pale skin.

"Yeah sure. You got nice tits, nice eyes, nice ass and an almost nice face. If we look past the evil paedo dad and look more towards your slutty mum and you're perfect" Suigetsu saying what every girl wants to hear.

"Well, thanks, I guess" she responded shyly.

"Are you f**king serious? Flirting with the enemy?" Zed cried.

"Shut up, Zed" Juugo told him.

"Don't you find it strange?" Zed questioned.

"Yeah, sure, but can't you see Suigetsu's charming her so that the ultimate battle can take place once more?" he replied.

"Oh, I see. What ultimate battle?" Zed asked.

"Naruto verses Sasuke. Considering this series is going to end after chapter 30 and then have a sequel, the series can't end until Naruto faces Sasuke. It's a Naruto series rule (he speaks the truth. Tell you more at the end of chapter 30)."

"Ah, I see."

"So, Suigetsu, do you want to go out some time?" Sunēku asked nervously.

"Yeah, sure, as long as you promise not to continue with the work of the man who ruined my dreams" Suigetsu answered.

"Great. What time are you going to pick me up and what should we do and when?" she asked.

"How about Friday night, we'll go see a film and then have meal and I'll pick you up at seven pm. See you then" Suigetsu replied.

"'Kay, see you!" she said and Taka and Team Neko left the cave.

"So are you going to go on the date?" Zed asked as they were far enough way that she wouldn't hear.

"Of course, she's hot. Look at that bust! Couple of dates and some sex but that's probably about it. That's if Yuri doesn't get there first considering his womanising records" Suigetsu replied.

"You mean _**my **_record" Sasuke said.

"Well as Yuri's now a real person and you did it all as him I think it counts as his exploits. You're still a virgin" Suigetsu said.

"Wait, no. And so are you!" Sasuke then said, turning the tables.

"Change of plan. It was our conscious so it was our exploits" Suigetsu quickly responded.

"M'kay then," Sasuke said, "and don't worry, I won't steal Sunēku from you."

"I know. You've already been touched by one snake person and you vowed never again."

"Wait, what? Orochimaru never touched me. If he did I would've killed him years ago" Sasuke said.

"In your sleep along with Karin, maybe?" Suigetsu mocked.

"Oh s**t" Sasuke cursed as he had a sudden realisation.

"So, what are we going to do now? We can't stay here" Juugo reminded Taka.

"We're going back home to Madara-san" Sasuke replied.

"But... Sasuke-kun..." Sakura whimpered.

"Don't make me knock you out again" Sasuke said.

She laughed gently but it was a lifeless laugh that didn't cover her sadness.

"It was nice seeing you guys again and taking part in missions with you. Shame I can't come back" Sasuke replied as he turned to the other members of Team 7.

"Why can't you stay?" Naruto demanded.

"I just can't" Sasuke said and turned away.

"I want a _**real**_ reason, Sasuke" Naruto shouted angrily.

Sasuke did not respond.

"Sasuke, come back!" Naruto shouted as he launched himself at Sasuke with his rasengan ablaze.

Sasuke turned around swiftly and clutched Naruto rasengan arm tightly. He stared deeply into Naruto's blue eyes with his sharingan, a hard stare with no friendliness in it.

"_Good__**bye**_, Naruto" Sasuke said sharply and turned away.

"Stop, Sasuke" Sakura cried.

"Don't make this harder than it already is" Sasuke responded.

"Sasuke," she whimpered, "I think I love you."

"There is no love. Just hate. The only real love is affectionate love for a child or pet. The other love is just an idea that people are in love with. A brain signal sent to the brain is what people think is 'falling in love' but really it's just... a signal to the brain" Sasuke said sharply.

Sakura started to cry silently as she whimpered Sasuke's name one more time.

"Sasuke, you're a real b*****d, you know that. And a c**t" Naruto shouted.

"I know" Sasuke responded gently as he and Taka began to leave the scene.

Naruto was speechless at this remark; he was not expecting Sasuke to agree with him.

"Uchiha-baka, don't you see?" Tsume said.

"See what?" Sasuke said sharply.

"You need a woman to repopulate your clan. And here's one begging for it to be her. Begging to have the Uchiha crest planted on her back and her children's back. You sicken me more everyday" told Tsume.

"You know nothing about me!" Sasuke screamed as he clutched his blade against Tsume's neck, drawing a light, red dribbling scar.

"Oh, really?" Tsume whispered, as talking any louder would make the cut deeper. "I know your clan was massacred by Itachi Uchiha, your older brother. Of whom _**you**_ killed after years of seeking revenge. I know about why Madara was banished from the leaf village. I found out why Itachi massacred your clan too. And you know what? Your missing the big picture" Tsume told Sasuke.

"_**What**_ big picture?" Sasuke demanded as he drew his blade closer to Tsume's throat.

"Hehe..." Tsume chuckled, "for such a smart and strong ninja you can be as stupid as Naruto."

"WHAT BIG PICTURE!" Sasuke shouted as he almost killed Tsume who fell to the floor clutching his neck.

Sakura ran over to treat his wound, Sasuke looking down upon him.

"Uchiha-baka, why did your clan want to revolt? Who started the rivalry almost a hundred years ago that led to Itachi having to massacre your clan? Who is it that your brother tried to protect you from with his mangekyou sharingan after his death? Who?" Tsume said.

Sasuke's eyes widened and teeth gritted together.

"That's right. And yet you serve him, his plans and his organisation" Tsume laughed.

Sasuke remained silent.

"So what next for the great Sasuke Uchiha?" Tsume laughed once more.

Sasuke bit his lip. "I don't know."

_Right thumb: __VACANT_

_Right index finger: worn by Pennii. _

_Right middle finger: __VACANT_

_Right ring finger: worn by Sasuke Uchiha. _

_Right little finger: worn by Zetsu._

_Left little finger: worn by __Sunēku no on'nanoko__ . _

_Left ring finger: worn by Suigetsu Hozuki. _

_Left middle finger: worn by Zed Rikaado. _

_Left index finger: worn by Juugo. _

_Left thumb: __worn __by Madara Uchiha. _


	29. Chapter 29

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 29: Ruusu Ken

"So are you going to stay in the Akatsuki?" Sakura whimpered.

"I don't know" Sasuke replied sharply.

"Please, Sasuke, take me with you" Sakura cried.

"Don't you remember what happened the last time you tried to make me 'take you with me'?" Sasuke chortled.

"You tried to kill me" Sakura replied.

"Still want to come?" he asked.

"Let me get back to you on that" Sakura answered.

"Sasuke," Naruto said, "if you try to leave I won't let you."

"I know" Sasuke muttered.

Naruto stared deeply and angrily as team Taka started to leave. Naruto charged at Sasuke with his rasengan ablaze. As the ball of chakra got Sasuke in the back he yelped. As he fell to the floor he growled. He coughed up some blood but got up slowly and turned to Naruto.

"You'll regret that" Sasuke threatened.

"No I won't, you'll be the only one regretting" Naruto replied.

"What?" Sasuke asked.

"What?" Naruto replied.

"Die."

"No, return."

"I'm not a Pokémon."

"What?"  
"Doesn't matter, now, goodbye Naruto and farewell Sakura" Sasuke said as he and Taka left, not turning back.

"So when am I going to regret?" Naruto shouted.

"One day" Sasuke answered.

"Stop, Sasuke!" Sakura shouted as she ran at Sasuke's back and held him like when he used his curse seal for the first time.

"This brings back some déjà vu" Sasuke mumbled.

"Please, don't go" Sakura cried.

"I'm a wanted criminal. I must go or I'll pay for my sins with death" Sasuke replied.

"How will you repopulate your clan without a girl?" Sakura asked.

"I'll just have to come back one day. But, for now, I've got to make some important decisions about my future. I'll be back one day, I promise. But 'till then, I won't cut my hair again till I return" Sasuke wagered and as he pulled away from Sakura he left his former teammates. Again.

"Time to form a retrieval team, I'm thinking Shikamaru, Choji, Neji, Kiba, Gaara and Rock Lee" Naruto said.

"Never learns" Sasuke mumbled as he left.

"No, Naruto. Let him go" Sakura whimpered.

"But Sakura!" Naruto whinged, in an Eric Cartman fashion.

"It's your choice whether you after him. He promised he'd be back one day" Sakura told Naruto.

"He only told you that so you'd let him go," Naruto replied, "He's never coming back unless forced to. I'll be back tomorrow. But, for now, I've got to go make the climax of this story."

"Okay, be safe" Sakura whispered.

"I'll try" Naruto replied.

Naruto entered the ramen bar where he was sat with four other selected individuals.

"So... what's the task?" one with a cat perched on his shoulder asked who sat on Naruto's right.

"Come on, Tsume-kun, you know. You were there when it was decided!" Naruto laughed.

"True, but I was just asking what others were thinking" Tsume said.

"But what are we doing?" Another one said two seats from Naruto's left, of who had a long ponytail.

"C'mon, Neji, like you can't guess. Although it may cause a case of serious déjà vu" Naruto replied.

"Yuri Ugarte was Sasuke Uchiha" Tsume informed Neji.

"And so he left and now we're gonna go retrieve him. Again. Screw you, Naruto, screw you! Will it be like last time? Most of us almost f**king died! And he has stronger comrades now!" Neji screamed.

"That may be. But we're stronger too. And we have stronger comrades. We have the leader of the best ANBU squad" Naruto told him.

"Your team was the best because you had Sasuke's team in it!" Neji complained once more.

"No! They were only half of our greatness! We _**real**_ leaf ninjas made up the other half!" Naruto shouted at him.

"Actually, Naruto, he's right. It's going to take more than five of us to defeat Sasuke and his team" a female voice on the others side of Tsume told him.

"What? Lea, are you serious? How can you say that? Especially since you were on the other half of the team" Naruto cried at her.

"That's just the thing. Tsume verse Leon and it's a tie, Sakura verse Kimiga and it's a tie or a win for them because Kimiga has the power of the curse seal and horrific anger and a passion to serve Yuri-I mean Sasuke. Shin verse me and it's easily a win for him as I was the weakest in the team. You verse Sasuke and who knows how it could come out, most likely a tie_** again**_. It just doesn't seem like the odds are for us. And with this team Rock Lee v Kimiga wouldn't go well but Neji and I could defeat Shin. What are their real names again?" Lea explained.

"So what you're saying is that the odds are against us _**again**_? Those are my favourite kind of odds. Te he" Naruto said _**cock**_ily.

"Shin's name is Suigetsu, Leon's name is Zed and Kimiga's name is Juugo" Tsume told her.

"I will give it all to bring back competition for Sakura's heart... on second thought... screw this, I'm out of here!" Rock Lee exclaimed and got up and left.

"Well, guess we need a replacement. Tsume, I'm going to leave that up to you" Naruto said.

"Hey, Tsume, aren't you from the same genin generation as us?" Neji questioned.

"Yes, don't you remember me? I was second from top of the class. One behind you" Tsume explained.

"Um, Tsume, back on task please" Naruto said.

"Oh, right. In the past few generations of ninja provided the strongest currently, from the leaf village, are Naruto, Sasuke and one other. This one other is from the generation _**before**_ yours Neji. Her name is Ruusu Ken. She is from the best swordsman clan in the village. I believe she slept with Yuri during his time here. Off screen, I think I saw it on Suigetsu's porn site" Tsume explained.

"I thought he shut it down?" Lea said.

"Because you ordered him to shut it down, no" Tsume replied.

"Why the hell not?" Lea exclaimed.

"He loved his porn site" Tsume answered.

"Freak" Naruto chortled.

Everyone turned to Naruto with harsh glares.

"Look who's talking" Neji laughed.

"F**k you, Neji. F**k you" Naruto replied.

"So are we going to go ask her to join the team?" Lea changed the subject.

"Yes" Tsume replied.

"Okay, training time. Come get me, a******s" a confident female voice said in a dark room.

The room lit up as the clashing of swords echoed around the room. As the lights were turned on layers of unconscious, male, bodies lay on the floor around one scantily clad seventeen year old girl who crouched down with two blades raised as she extended her arms sideways into the air.

"Damn, don't I love kicking men's a***s. Now, Tsume-kun, what do you want?" the female said as she rose from the ground and put her katanas in the sheaths on her back.

"We want you to help us capture Sasuke Uchiha" Tsume replied.

"Sounds fun, I'd love to help beat a man" the female replied.

"Thank you, Ruusu" Tsume thanked.

Ruusu wore a provocative red robe which exposed a large amount of her DD cup cleavage. She also wore a black mini skirt and her forehead protector as a belt, like Ino. She had dark hair that went down to the tip of her neck and swerved to one side of her forehead with a few loose strands over her face. She had black Akatsuki-like ninja shoes.

"So, what ever happened to Yuri Ugarte? Wasn't he in your team? Dang, he was a nice piece-" Ruusu said.

"He was Sasuke Uchiha in disguise. When Sasuke performed a shadow clone jutsu the two split and now Yuri is his own person. Both of them are unable to use transformation jutsu as it's been sealed from them as they were one for too long. Now Yuri Ugarte goes by Yuri Uchiha" Tsume explained to her.

"So I've slept with Sasuke Uchiha? Hope I end up having a sharingan wielding baby! Nah, I'm kidding. But it would mean my child would kick every other kid in its class' but" she laughed.

"With you for a mother it would probably do that anyway" Tsume replied.

"Oh, Tsume, you're so sweet. Now I'm back on the market I think I ought to try you out for size. And let's hope it's a big size!" she laughed once more.

"Ruusu-chan, are you asking me out on a date?" Tsume asked with a smirk.

"Only if you want me to" she replied and pulled his chin close and then pushed him back away as she turned her head.

"Dang, that girl kicks a*s" Lea said.

"It also appears she wants to get down funky with Tsume" Naruto said back.

"Yep" Neji added, not sure which one he was agreeing to, hopefully both, for he was rather mesmerised by their new comrade.

"Um, Tsume, it's time to go" Naruto called.

"Coming, Naruto" he replied and the team left the building and the injured, male, ninjas.

"Bye, Sakura. This time I hope to succeed in bringing back Sasuke" Naruto said to Sakura as they said another farewell as they parted once more.

"Good luck, but there's no pressure as he promised to return" Sakura replied as she and Naruto hugged.

"I'll say it again, he was lying" Naruto replied.

"Still," Sakura said, "been a while since we didn't go on a mission together."

"Speaking of which, why don't you want to be on the retrieval team?" Naruto questioned.

"Because she wants to be with me back in the leaf!" Rock Lee suddenly shouted from behind Sakura, he was here to say goodbye also to Naruto's team.

"Why aren't you going?" Sakura asked.

"I don't want there to be any more rivals for your heart" Rock Lee replied.

Sakura smacked round the head.

"I'm not going as I feel my heart won't be in it if I go. See ya later, Naruto" she said.

He nodded and his retrieval team left the village.

_**Again.**_


	30. Chapter 30: The End till the Sequel

**Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War**

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 30: The last Chapter- Déjà Vu

As Naruto's retrieval team came face to face with Sasuke's taka a cold air filled around them. Sasuke looked deeply at this team with his blood red eyes.

"Who wants a beating first?" Sasuke said.

"I'll go first," Lea said, "let the weakest fall first and weaken the opponent anyway they can."

"Lea-chan" Suigetsu muttered before he set his eyes upon Ruusu. "I think I'm over her now and into someone else."  
"Who?" Zed asked.

"That girl with the swords. Maybe she'll let my sword go between her swords" Suigetsu replied.

"What?" Zed said.

"Doesn't matter" Suigetsu answered.

"Zed, take this girl down" Sasuke ordered and Zed did so.

With a couple of bolts of lightning and some minor taijutsu Lea was down and out of it. First point goes to Taka.

"Next" Sasuke chortled.

Neji stepped up. "We need to get a point back" he gave as his reason.

"Cocky a*****e" Naruto muttered.

"I feel like a challenge- battle of the two best clans in the leaf. The Hyuuga and the Uchiha" Sasuke told Neji.

"I thought I'd face one of your team..." Neji said trying to back out.

"So the Hyuugas are cowards? Since my clan became extinct in the leaf your clan took our place. What a giant leap _**down**_" Sasuke taunted.

"Then again, you're probably even more talk than Naruto" Neji replied.

"That's the spirit" Sasuke replied.

As the sharingan came against the byakugan it was destined to be a great battle. But it was not. The sharingan had evolved better than the byakugan to have greater sub forms- the mangekyou sharingan. As Neji attempted to use his gentle fist he was met by the Tsukuyomi. He found himself watching his clan fall before him at the hands of an older version of himself.

"You only lost your father. I lost _**everything**_" Sasuke's voice said from nowhere but somehow echoed around this genjutsu.

Neji fell to the floor unconscious. His cheeks dampened for, what seemed to his comrades around him, no reason.

"Two down three to go. I'll be off now. Juugo, Suigetsu and Zed please finish this lot. I have to be somewhere urgently. TTFN" Sasuke said and started to walk off.

"Wait, Sasuke!" Naruto shouted and charged after him. Suigetsu attempted to restrain him but instead was barged past and pushed on to the floor.

"Dang, that kid sure is dedicated to the cause" Zed said.

"F**k" Suigetsu groaned as he rose to his feet.

"So, it's us three against you two. Seems a little unfair don't you think?" Suigetsu laughed.

"No, it's three against three. You forgot my cat, Raion" Tsume said.

"C'mon now, it's only a small cat. What can the cat do?" Suigetsu mocked.

"Turn into a lion" Tsume replied with a smirk.

"He can do what?" Suigetsu demanded.

"Raion can turn into a lion," Tsume answered, "now, Raion, if you'll do the honours, will you please transform."

Raion jumped off his shoulders and landed gracefully on the floor in front of him. He looked up as his amber eyes shone at the same time as Tsume's. In a flash of amber light a mighty lion with a main stood growling before Taka.

"S**t" Suigetsu cursed.

"So, who wants to rumble in the savannah?" Tsume said.

"Shouldn't it be jungle?" Zed asked.

"Lion's don't occur in jungles. They occur in savannahs" Tsume replied.

"Yeah but savannah doesn't work" Zed told Tsume.

"I don't care, being correct is more important. Look, can we just fight already?" Tsume shouted.

"Yeah, sure" Zed replied.

"Good" Tsume said.

"The fights will be Juugo v Raion the Lion Cat; Suigetsu v Ruusu and me v Tsume. Ruusu, be careful, Suigetsu has a thing for you and may start a sexual harassment lawsuit with you. He wants to stick his big sword between your two" Zed gave instructions.

"Okay then" Ruusu replied in an unsure tone.

As Juugo turned into his curse seal form Raion bared his teeth down upon Juugo. Juugo gulped- his love for animals may get in the way of this fight. Raion leapt at Juugo, landing back on his torso. As Juugo struggled to contain the beast within and stop Raion from ripping his face off he forgot that he had wings. But Raion didn't. With one mighty swipe of his claws he ripped Juugo's wings off.

Juugo crouched on the floor and moaned in pain, clutching his back. Raion jumped back at Juugo and Juugo attempted to unleash his anger but as he pushed Raion off and decided it was his time to attack he made the fatal mistake of leading middle open.

Raion leapt up at his incoming body d sank his claws into his shoulders to pull him down as he bit down into Juugo's neck. Juugo screamed in pain as blood gushed down his torso and arm. As he fell to the floor unconscious Raion walked away and turned back into his cat form. Raion started to wash himself like any normal cat.

With Juugo's final blinks before full unconsciousness he looked at Raion washing himself and smiled. In his angered forms he'd unintentionally killed so many animals but now the animals got their revenge. If he died today he only had one regret- failing Sasuke.

Meanwhile Zed and Tsume were throwing blows for fun. Tsume's close range taijutsu using his claws against Zed's long distance lightning attacks. Both were tired and didn't think they could go much longer. As the two threw one last blow before they run out of chakra and fell unconscious from exhaustion. As the smoke cleared from the lightning bolt mustered by Zed the two lay crouched on the floor breathing heavily.

"Shame you weren't really an Akatsuki spy we didn't know about. I liked you. We could've been friends" Zed said.

"Shame you weren't really another leaf ninja. I liked you. We could've been friends" Tsume replied with a light smile.

"Touché" Zed said as he and Tsume fell to the floor unconscious. Raion strolled over and cuddled up next to Tsume.

**In a not so far away place two young swordsmen clashed, also rather low on chakra. As Suigetsu swung Zabuza's Kubikiribōchō at Ruusu she caught it between her katanas and smirked at Suigetsu from behind the blades.** "**What's so funny, babes?" he said with deep breaths.** "**Your big sword is between my two swords, guess you got your wish" she laughed.** "**Not quite what I meant" he replied.** "**What did **_you_** have in mind?" she asked.** "**Well I meant by big penis, otherwise known as sword, between your two lovely breasts, also in this context known as swords" he replied.** "**I see" she said, not at all shocked.** "**So, will you give me that wish?" he asked, pushing his luck.** "**Hmmm..." she said, "sure, why not. Maybe you'll get a little bit more than that!"** "**That's what I was bargaining for. What I was talking about was only a starter" he replied and the two made sweet sweet love. Something that wasted the last of their energy to the extent afterwards they fell into a deep sleep.**

"**So, Naruto, here we are again at the Valley of the End. Maybe it really will be one of our ends this time" Sasuke replied.** "**Sasuke, please come back. And don't give me any damn lifeless promises like you did with Sakura!" Naruto shouted at his former comrade.** "**So you realized I was, mostly, lying. I do hope to come back one day but, well, you know" Sasuke told Naruto.** "**No, I don't know" Naruto replied.** "**I'm a wanted criminal. They'll kill me if I go anywhere near the village" Sasuke explained.** "**That's your own fault. You do the crime and you must pay the time. But when I become Hokage I'll let you back. We'll become sannin!" Naruto told him.** "**If only that were enough for me but, sadly, it isn't" Sasuke replied. "I need to get revenge on the world first. First I will **_kill_** Madara Uchiha for his stubbornness; second I will kill the other two elders- ****Homura Mitokado**** and ****Koharu Utatane****; thirdly I will start a family with, most likely, Sakura; lastly I will train my children to make our clan great again."** "**So, you got it all figured out then?" Naruto said.** "**Guess so" Sasuke answered.** "**Now, let's start the climax of this story" Naruto said.** "**Agreed, we've kept the readers waiting long enough and now we're breaking the fourth wall. We owe them a good battle" Sasuke said.** **Naruto nodded.**

"Wait," Sasuke suddenly said, "I feel we should sing the intro together to 'sign' by FLOW. It was the sixth opening to 'Naruto Shippuden'."

"I agree" Naruto agreed.

"I realise the screaming pain

Hearing loud in my brain

But I'm going straight ahead with the scar.

Can you hear me, can you hear me, can you hear me (so am I)." The two sung in unison.

.com/watch?v=J8uwhK379wE

"Now, it's time to fight" Sasuke said.

As the two jumped at each other with chidori and rasengan ablaze their child selves also lunged at each other in the same way. It was a serious case of déjà vu.

"Oh, great, I decide to make my first appearance of the entire story and it's incredibly meaningless and exactly the same way I made my last appearance in the original Naruto series- getting there too late between these two fighting. Sasuke's gone like before and all I have to do is taking Naruto back to get treatment with the rest of his team. I'll bet the reader won't even say my name but call me 'a mysterious spiky grey haired figure with a mask and a book'. I'm not getting paid enough" a mysterious spiky haired figure with a mask and a book moaned as he picked Naruto's unconscious body up and took him home.

The strangest thing was that there were no sign of the bodies of Sasuke's team. Either Sasuke came back for them or someone else came for them.

"So, Sasuke, what next for the mighty Taka?" Suigetsu asked.

"I'm going to kill Madara Uchiha. I need you guys to deal with anyone that tries to stop me _**again**_" Sasuke told them.

"That'll be a tough job. Are you sure you're ready?" Suigetsu questioned.

"No, but I know he won't kill me. He needs me" Sasuke replied.

"What about us?" Suigetsu asked, suddenly fearing for his own health.

"It was a pleasure serving by you" Sasuke answered.

"Wait, what?" Suigetsu demanded.

"Just kidding, I'll get Sakura to heal you guys again" Sasuke replied with almost a smile.

"Speaking of which, thank God Sakura came. Otherwise I'd probably be dead!" Juugo said.

"Thank God" Sasuke replied.

As they reached Akatsuki base they entered to a dark room where Madara sat motionless on a chair.

"I think he's asleep" Suigetsu said.

Sasuke nodded and walked over. This was easier than he expected. He drove his sword into the chest of Madara. Madara looked up at him and Sasuke could tell he was smiling at him.

"Oh Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke. What a mighty shame you've turned on me. I wish I'd never sent you on that undercover mission; I should of known you'd change when you were with people who cared more about _**you**_ then cared about your _**power**_" Madara's voice said from above, echoing through the hall.

"Where are you, Madara?" Sasuke demanded.

The shadow clone disappeared as a thud echoed round from behind Sasuke. The hair on the back of Sasuke's neck stuck up as his body went totally cold. Sasuke gulped as a hand clutched his shoulder and turned him around.

"Boo."

Author's note: Well, it's the end of Naruto: Puberty and Ninja Stuff. Don't worry, there will be a sequel. It will be called Naruto: Puberty and Ninja Stuff II. Probably. Stay tuned, it'll probably be out some time next weekend. :D.


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